Guilty Mom

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Guilty Mom, Dec 14, 2017.

  1. Guilty Mom

    Guilty Mom New Member

    Guilty Mom

    I desperately need help with detachment. Our 32 year old son has been an addict since age 16. Our family has been through hell. His diagnosis is Schizoaffective Disorder Bipolar type. Can get jobs but falls off the wagon and gets fired. He got his first check and we haven’t seen him in 4 days. Meaning he has missed 4 doses of medications. We are so tired of his life and how we have enabled him. So my question is how do you kick your son out of house when he has a mental illness and substance addiction? Would really appreciate your feedback. Thank you.
     
  2. StillStanding

    StillStanding Active Member

    Guilty Mom,
    Other people with more experience will come along. I don't know how you kick your son out as I guess I got "lucky" mine chose to be homeless instead of living within my rules.

    It is like a brain teaser with no answer. I just wanted you to know you're not alone.
     
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Still standing just told you in a perfect way!

    None of us kick our kids out. I don't like how that sounds, and it is not what we do...our hearts would never allow us to be so cold.

    What we actually do is give them the choice. We give them a reasonable set of rules, such as, since they are living in our house, coming home at a decent hour, getting part time work or some are even okay with volunteering as a start, complying with mental health appointments and taking prescribed medication, being polite, not doing drugs or being intoxicated in our home etc.

    Isn't that what WE did in our parents house? Are those such hard rules to follow? Most of the time we are open to sensible negotiation.

    So we give them easy, basic rules to follow. If they refuse, they chose to leave. Most of our kids had many chances to do the normal rules we laid down. If they end up leaving because snorting meth around us or refusing mental health treatment or swearing at us about how awful we are, the decision was their own.

    There are rules everywhere. There are even rules in homeless shelters or if you live on the streets (this is usually a choice because our grown kids dont want to follow shelter rules). They quickly learn where to eat (plenty of good pantries and shelters), how to couch surf, etc. They do not die. They are however CHOOSING the street. They prefer it to our simple rules. Mostly it is related to wanting to do drugs whenever they want, wherever they want.

    This is truthfully the way it is. Nobody just kicks out a grown child. The exception is if the grown child is dangerous to us. We can't allow that.

    You try to have a peaceful day. You deserve it.
     
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  4. CARP_ENOUGH

    CARP_ENOUGH New Member

    Hello, My 22 year old just called me saying he will be homeless in 2 weeks, his landlord evicting him and he has been using threats of not wanting to live anymore. Although I have avoided his calls, I just took one and "wrong" choice on my part. After 20 minutes of unloading garbage, negative talk, he tells me that "dont worry about my funeral ok?"..what is this? I can't take the guilt any more!!! It's totally wrecking me as a mother.
     
  5. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    My son threatens to kill him self every single time he has a crisis including when we have had him arrested. Funny thing he is still quite alive and well. Please please get some help for yourself. I was where you are in the spring if this year. With therapy and support of amazing people I am so much better. My son isn’t yet but regardless of his outcome I know I am going to survive this hell.
    You are not alone.
     
  6. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    GM
    My son is much younger than yours and having him leave our home had him arrested and spiral in his drug use. I though OMG what have we done?! Our therapist and the great people on this sight helped me understand we didn’t cause his downfall. He did! We just got out of his way and stopped enabling him.

    He is presently waiting for a bed in a long term rehab program. Min 6 months. It is progress. Hope but no expectations. He needs to do what he has to do for himself. Just as we his parents need to do what we need to do to live our lives in peace.

    Get support gain knowledge access resources detaching is not easy but it is right.

    You are not alone.