H and I have dealt with an issue surrounding use of porn in the past. It was linked into his alcoholism. I am happy to say he's remained clean on both accounts for nearly 2 years (I think around Dec 1st it will be 2 years). The other night we saw that movie "Ghosttown" with Tea Leoni. Yesterday morning as H was reading the paper, he made a comment about David Duchovny and I commented how Duchovny is going through treatment for porn/sex addiction and that I hoped Tea Leoni was faring well. And then H says, ....I cannot even believe he said this out loud, even if he was thinking it.... "Why would David Duchovney seek out porn with a wife like Tea Leoni? She's so pretty!"... ...which, of course, led me to ask the question, "Well, why did you seek out porn then?"....which led H to stutter a bit and say, "What?" and quickly change the subject. Minutes later, after a lot of tongue biting, I said, "Not to belabor the point, but, you do know that it's not about looks, don't you? I mean, we have addressed this..." I mean honestly, we've been through all of this in counseling - it's not about whether a man finds his mate attractive or not...in my H's case, and I know there are varying opinions on this, but in MY H's case, his seeking out porn, alcohol, or any other addictive behavior is about control and heavily linked to his own struggles with depression. It's not just about wanting to get turned on. And he knows this as we've (and he separately) explored this in counseling and at home. Anyway, H never responded. Never acknowledged my question or comment and just went about his business. We ended up doing separate things all day and I have to say I was seething under my skin all day. I hate myself for it, but I couldn't shake the damned feeling all day. That WTH, H makes a correllation between a man looking at porn with the level of beauty of his partner....meanwhile there was a time when he was that man and I was that woman!!! Not tooting my own horn or anything, but if that were the case, then I am very hurt. I think I'm pretty, I've been told I am attractive, etc., I maintain a decent weight, do interesting things...so the only reasoning that helped me get past the hurt of my H seeking out porn over all that time was that it had nothing to do with attractiveness (or lack thereof) of a person's partner. Now, it seems, that theory has been blown out of the water for me by H....because H obviously believes attractiveness does matter. Anyway, I am making a very strong concerted effort to let this go and not hang onto it. But I just wanted to vent about it. And I don't want anyone to post to me trying to justify the use of porn, ok? We've had that discussion on here before and until you've lived with a person who has an addiction such as that, you really do not have a clue, so please save your argument. I realize that there are some couples out there who can use it and I have nothing against them - 'to each his own'. In fact, I tried to incorporate it into our life years ago as an effort to just accept it, but quickly learned that H preferred single user mode when using...lol. Well, whatever.