H has been sober over a year now and I'm proud of him and very happy. Not having to deal with him actively drinking has been such a relief. I know that he's proud of his efforts as well and says he doesn't miss the alcohol at all. He also conversely says that he doesn't feel any healthier either. I know that there are many of you here who have openly discussed and stated that you have or do struggle with your own sobriety and I just wanted to throw out a few thoughts and if possible, get some feedback. What I've noticed is that H no longer socializes. He avoids social situations, does not attend parties or come along with me when I stop in on friends very often at all. He has isolated himself basically and claims that he's very happy not to be hanging out with other men. He claims that I am his only friend and that he's content to just be with me when he's not working or sleeping. I don't mind being that person to H, as he's my friend as well. But I don't want to be the sole person that H speaks with, unloads to, vents to, confides in. I DO have girlfriends that I speak with all the time. I confide in my girlfriend's and I share my days with them and my woes, we talk about our kids, jobs, spouses, troubles, happiness, joys, everything. I share most of that with my H as well, but it's nice to be able to meet a girlfriend for coffee and just chat. I have three main girlfriend's that I occasionally meet for either coffee, lunch or dinner at Panera Bread. H doesn't do any of that. He has a friend who used to invite him to play poker with him on Weds. H always gave him excuses and eventually the friend stopped asking. He had another friend who invited him to go boating once in a while but H always had a reason he couldn't go and the friend stopped asking. I have come to realize that H doesn't want to hang out with these guys perhaps because there is some level of drinking involved - not complete wastedness or binge drinking, but definitely drinking nonetheless. H has never been involved in any form of program for his recovery and I think that may be part of the problem. Also, he may feel that he has nothing in common with those guys anymore. Additionally, he may be afraid to put himself in that situation and since he has no recovery program perhaps he doesn't trust himself. I have encouraged him to join a gym or local tennis team (he's a great tennis player) as a means to meet men with whom he'd have more in common and perhaps form some healthier relationships with. I really believe that he needs to have a friend or two besides me. For instance, when he went holiday shopping he couldn't bring himself to go alone and took easy child with him and then difficult child and then easy child again. He went with me, but never bought anything. He seems to have severe anxiety upon entering a crowded store and then shuts down. I think all this aloneness and lack of socialization has finally caused a real problem for him. We stopped at some friend's house on Christmas eve so I could drop something off for my friend. H and her H were yakking away and afterwards I commented that it was nice that he had a chance to catch up with my friend's H (who used to be H's closer friend) and H said, "meh, I don't know, that guy's..." and then went on a tangent, which then led him back to his work and the people he contracts with and then it's like I just tune out - I've heard it all before. The same stories, just different days. H is digruntled about everyone it seems. Or, sometimes he goes on and one about how he's the only one with any brains on the job! He can't seem to find one thing nice to say about anyone he works with or comes in contact with. Even people he used to admire now turn him off completely and he has become hyper critical. I will be honest, he's driving me nuts. I can't listen to him anymore go on about work. I'm tired of being the only person he talks to. I'm tired of his negativity. When I comment and suggest anything, I'm wrong, even if I'm agreeing with him! If I suggest that perhaps he shouldn't work for those people, he goes into a rage about his bills, etc. If I suggest that he go see someone he accuses me of trying to find something wrong with him. If I suggest that we go out with some friends, he will find a reason not to. When I tell him about a lunch I had with my friend he says, "Wow, well lucky you" real sarcasticly. It's unnerving. I can't seem to help him and at the same time, I don't want to help him because I know he's go to help himself. With my dds' growing and easy child out of the house basically and difficult child on her way, I'm looking into the crystal ball at my future with H and it is not looking fun at all. I am at a loss. Are his attitudes and behaviors trypical of a dry drunk? Because my brother who's been in AA and sober for over 25 years says that's what he is. I am familiar with the term and definition, but even I have to agree with H, it could apply to almost anyone. Can I get some feedback please? Thanks~I want to start this coming year off right.