had a GREAT time......then I came home...

[witzend]

I'm sorry that you are having to come back to this. In my very detached far away across the country way, the only advice I can give is to take care of yourself and keep yourself strong and happy for when she comes back to you. I do know how seemingly impossible this is. But it's all you can do for her, and it's all you can do for you.

 

[gcvmom]

Didn't read everyone's post here, but I am kinda thinking like Terry in that it might be best for your difficult child to actually be arrested. At least she will be off the streets and you have a better chance of getting her the mental help she needs -- and a way of forcing her to accept the help, Know what I mean??

Other than that, I can only send you hugs and prayers for an end to what has to be the most horrific thing I can imagine a parent going through, short of the actual death of your child. It's just not supposed to be this hard.

 

[trinityroyal]

Shawna, I'm so very very sorry for your pain.
I agree that you need to get whatever help you need for you, to stay strong, take care of yourself and your son, and get through one day at a time. I like Steely's suggestion of a psychiatrist, as well as Susie's http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/

Sending many gentle hugs for your hurting mommy heart. My prayers are with you.

Trinity

 

[bran155]

You guys are so great. Thank you so much for all of the support.

I am feeling a bit better today. I spoke to the one friend my daughter keeps in contact with last night. I am not too sure what to really believe at this point but according to what she is telling me my daughter is actually with a boy that I had met not too long before all of this happened. It turns out this boy is the son of one of my old friends from when I was growing up. If this is true I am not too worried as they are pretty decent people. A friend of mine actually knows this kid very well and says if my daughter is with him I have nothing to worry about, he is a nice kid. My daughter's friend seems to think that the kid who called and left that nasty message about my daughter doing drugs and selling her body is false. I don't know what to believe, but I have made a choice to believe that she is safe and with this kid I know. I hope she really is!!! I also think that her friend knows more than she is letting on. I have a feeling that she has a number to contact my daughter but doesn't want to "rat" on my daughter. Which I can totally understand, as long as she keeps letting me know that my daughter is safe I'm okay with that.

I am in complete agreement with all of you, I too wish and pray that she gets arrested. At least she will remain alive in jail. She is going to end up in jail anyway. Her court date is on Thursday. Her friend told her that she must go to court or there will be a warrant out for her arrest. According to this friend my daughter's response to that was, "I dont give a f**k, I'm not going back". So, I will once again sit in the court room and be my daughter's voice. Only this time I will be pushing for jail!!!!

Pinch me, I can't believe this is my life. I look at the baby pictures of my beautiful daughter and remember all of the dreams I once had for her. I saw so many possibilities in her eyes, she was going to be the first woman president!!!! Now my dream is that she gets arrested!!!! What a life!!!!

I will let you know if I hear anything today. Thanks.

 

[bran155]

Well, court is in the morning and she has not come home or called!!! There will be a bench warrant put out for her. Like I said in the post below, her friend did give her the message that if she did not come home for court there will be an arrest warrant issued for her. She obviously doesn't care. I truly think she just does not realize the consequences to missing a court date. In her ill mind she really believes that when she is 18 she can just get out of this. I have explained to her a million times that the criminal court system is completely different than the family court system. Well, she will learn the hard way!!!

Thanks for listening.

 

[Rotsne]

If she ends up in jail one thing is sure. She will get new friends to look up to. People she can connect to once she get out.

Based on experiences I had with the son of a co-worker, I fear that her time in prison will be more than a lesson.

If we took the situation and turned it upside-down, what is wrong with the situation as it is now, beside you not knowning her exact location? Would the situation improve if she ends up in jail and are released into your care after some 30 days? In previous posts you have given some hints that the system are on redrawal because she it 18 very soon. The family court are on their way out and the criminal court system remain. Would they pay for more time at a Residential Treatment Center (RTC) with her new status as an adult or would they just drop her on the street if you are pulling out?

What would happen I you ask for the charges to be dropped and the court granted this? There would of course be no reason for telling your daughter. I believe that she could use more time to think about what she has done and come to her senses.

I truely believe that she is not good for you at the moment. Having her in jail would mean buying a caller ID because she will start to phone you as much as possible. You will be forced to remove focus from your son and be worn down even more.

I know that you are living in another culture, so maybe my viewpoint are colored by cultural differences. If my daughter ran away tomorrow the police would not help me. They will of course take the report and they will locate her just to see if they was with adults, but if they discover that she is hanging around groups of youths or living at a friend they will not force her home unless she is younger than 14. Instead they will send out a social worker which would try to negociate her home and make sure that she attends school some of days per week (Truancy are not considered a big deal here). Beside that my home will be investigated by the DSS, so we are not willingly involving the public system / police.

Someone you know seem to have an idea where she is. While I propose that the charges should be dropped and your son could get 100 percent of your time, there is the option of bribe them to get her in a place where you and some relatives could handcuff her and take her to court with force. If you havn't the manpower a youth transport company could do the job. As I stated above there is a hell difference between the juvie and the jail. I fear the company she would get there.

I will pray for you and her in the hope that you get a solution that would ensure her some treatment in a juvenile facility or that she learns to stand on her own feet without your full-time support. I will also pray for you having more time and surplus for your son.

 

[butterflydreams]

Bran,

I am so sorry that you continue to have all of these problems with your daughter, I can't imagine the pain you are going through. My heart goes out to you.

Sending hugs,

Christy