had a meltdown.....(beware ranting)

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by mrscatinthehat, Jan 11, 2008.

  1. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Ok I need to know what the divorce rate is for couples that redo their house together is.

    If my husband says the phrase "It doesn't matter" one more time when I mention/ask him to do somethiing a certain way I don't know what I will do.

    I realize I am emotional right now (PMS) but what I say does matter to me. He didn't get the correlation between saying it doesn't matter and that meaning I don't matter. Simply if my opinion isn't good enough then pffft on him.

    Now don't get me wrong I love this man but OMG I don't tell him how to drill/saw etc. But painting is my domain. When I ask you to do something a certain way just do it. When he asked me to hold drywall - I did it. When I have been asked to hold something to saw it I hold it the way he wants. Soooo why is it when it comes to the painting he can't do what I ask. Don't know but saying it doesn't matter just makes my head spin.

    Then when I got mad about that and was yelling (by the way don't do that in an empty bathroom it echoes bad) he tells me to stop yelling. Oh yeah cuz that helps.

    Now I guess I should give you a little back ground on this so you can understand why it made me upset. I have a fear of bathrooms. I had many bad things happen in them when I was little. So this is why we are doing this bathroom first so I have a safe happy bathroom. That is why I am doing it in Never land theme so I can be happy and retrain my brain that it is ok. Thus the reason for the Tick tock crock on the door. I know it sounds corny that he will be there to keep the bad out. Now husband knows all this (he knows the details that I am not putting here). Yet he starts in with the it doesn't matter :censored2:.

    Sorry but that just pisses me off. We got the primer done. I have to calm myself sufficiently while he is at work to do the actually paint.

    When he started cleaning up and asked what I wanted done with the roller brush (that didn't cooperate) I had to control myself and not tell him where I wanted him to stick it.

    This is going to be a true test. We handle the difficult child stuff in stride and most of the time on the same page. The house on the other hand is going to be our true test.

  2. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Well, it matters to you so it definitely matters. I'd be having a sit down with husband explaining that and explaining that the next time he utters the words, 'It doesn't matter' after anything you've said, his head is subject to being removed from his shoulders. :wink:

    But, seriously. It's the ants vs the elephants again. You're dealing with the difficult child stuff in stride, but that stress is going to come out somewhere. I think you've just found where.

  3. houseofcards

    houseofcards New Member

    I feel your pain with construction. We are in the second home we have built from scratch and the things we argued about such as whether to put the house 145' or 152' from the road or which wall to put the light switches on was amazing. Lucky for my husband I went with his thoughts alot but some things just needed to be fought over. Now ten years in this house...I wish I had let him angle it the way he wanted(I trust you would never tell him that!)LOL
    Seriously, the bathroom should be yours, hope it works out, moves quickly and turns out beautifully, it sounds like a interesting, cute theme to me.
  4. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Remodeling seems to bring out the worst in all of us. I'm impressed that you not only didn't tell where to put the roller, you didn't actually try to insert it yourself.

    I'm one of those who says things don't matter. I don't mean to negate the other person or their viewpoint. As a matter of fact, until you just said it here, I never realized that it would give that message to another. I usually say it when I know the other person has a point but I've already figured out another way to do it and I don't want to backtrack to do it their way. Hopefully, I will be very careful to not say it doesn't matter ever again. Thank you.

    When you and husband are both calm and just sitting down having coffee or whatever together, do explain to him how his saying it doesn't matter makes you feel. He may be like me and have absolutely no clue how condescending and demeaning it sounds.

    However, do be prepared to have another phrase or two or action have you wanting to insert whatever where the sun doesn't shine. Good luck on the renovations and the bathroom sounds adorable!
  5. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    Beth - thank you for the chuckle even though I know from personal experience its not funny doing any kind of remodeling with the opposite sex

    I have never even thought about directly attacking someone until I decided I wanted crown molding in one of the bedrooms. OMG, talk about arguing. I think I may have even thrown a piece of it at SO's head..

    He is very exacting-thats the good part. But, he won't wing it and well, with remodeling, sometimes you gotta think out of the box to get something to fit. He will just walk away and say well, I have gone as far as I can. If I propose a fix, he won't even consider it till I have a hissy fit, and 9 times out of 10 what I want to do will work.

    Have a glass of wine - tomorrow is another day :smile:

  6. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Oh, honey. The stories I could tell you about remodeling! I think that no matter who you are, or even if you are hiring someone else to do it, it tests the best marriage! My husband didn't know a phillips head from a standard screw, and somehow we made it through the better part of two houses. He knows now, mind you, but let me tell you, when you have to convince a man that if he removes the decorative trim from around the bedroom or closet door the house won't fall down because it's not structural - 18 times - you'll be on your last nerve! We had some of the worst arguments we ever had, with some of my worst screaming fits ever, over remodeling. I'll bet they were different arguments than what you are arguing about, but they were heated to say the least!

    When you are done, you will have more to appreciate about that bathroom than the croc on the door. You'll know that your marriage was strong enough to survive remodeling. Just hold on and plow through it. There's no stopping now.
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Remodelling is very hard on a marriage. I tend to do projects when husband is at work, or I can send him out to do something. He doesn't pay attention and it drives me nuts.

    I hope you can have a happy bathroom, it sounds like an important step for you. Any way you can paint it yourself, with-o him? Or let him do some things with-o you? With a friend to help?

    Just thinking.


  8. skeeter

    skeeter New Member

    I grew up with a dad that built our house - twice. The second time, after we were hit by a tornado, I was 16 and I had to help. There really isn't much I don't know how to do around the house (as long as I have the strength to do it).

    My ex grew up with a father who would call an electrician to screw in a lightbulb.

    Needless to say, we did NOT work well on projects. He tried, bless his heart. The ADD didn't help either - he NEVER finished anything (I think to this day there is still a piece of Pergo that has never been put down at that house - and I left it over 10 years ago).

    My current husband is a lot like my dad - and we can do projects very well together. In fact, it's like working with my dad - I know what tool he needs or what he's going to do next, and he actually listens to me or my ideas.
    Which is a blessing because we are about to gut the kitchen!!!
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Beth -

    I am 100% serious - and the number one reason of marriage breakups is......

    Remodeling your house

    I read it and I've heard it on legitimate television shows.

    It even beats out bad behavior in kids

  10. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    Well, I'm still in the middle of remodeling my house, but husband and I didn't do it together. I hired a contractor. Otherwise, one of us would have met an early demise. I'm a "winger", he's an "exacter". Not a good combo when doing home projects. Plus, he likes to give me the same instructions over and over again. It's like, "Dude! I heard you the first time! Jeez"!

    Plus, I know more about that kind of stuff than he does. A couple of weeks ago I needed new drill bits. husband goes to Home Depot to get them for me and the guy asks "is it a keyless chuck"? Husband says, "It must be, my wife uses it". When he shared that with me, well *insert volcano exploding graelim here*, I lost it. I put all of our bathroom cabinets together myself,NO HELP FROM HIM AT ALL, and he has the NERVE to say that!

    I verbally embedded his tail between his legs so deep that the search party is still looking for it.