Had a Phone Family Therapy Session---lots of questions???

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by kwioake, Jan 21, 2012.

  1. kwioake

    kwioake New Member

    Our daughter has been in the residential treatment center for two weeks and we had our first phone therapy session yesterday. We talked to the therapist without our daughter for a few minutes. What the therapist had perceived as our daughter being "open" was her just parroting issues that she had been talking about in therapy for years...the fact that she is embarrassed because her skin color is different that ours (she is adopted) and that she is jealous of her brothers since they were with us from birth. We were pretty up front with the therapist that we don't trust our daughter. Our daughter wrote us an apology note but then when we talk to her on the phone, she is still very easily angered, demanding and shows no interest in wanting a relationship. The apology note was simply something she did to acquire some reward slip at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC). The therapist did seem to understand that we are doing everything we can to find a long term treatment program.

    The options as we see them:

    1) working through juvenile justice (although several sources have told us that they are so swamped right now, they most likely won't do anything). Our attorney is supposed to be talking to the prosecutor hypothetically about our daughter and see what he says.

    2) working through CPS to get co conservatorship.

    3) doing a refusal to accept parental responsibility...the therapist brought this up to us (without our daughter present). She said it would be a last resort but parents do it to force the court to give our case some attention.

    My daughter is playing the same kind of manipulation games at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) as she does at home. She is completely unable to entertain herself. They are calling her behavior flirting/bullying. I refer to it more as stalking. same difference. They also see a great lack of boundaries, impulse control and a constant need to stir things up. My daughter was very angry that the therapist brought her negative behaviors up in therapy. My daughter wants to come home and start fresh. The therapist did an excellent job of telling her that because of her molesting younger children, things were not going to be the same ever. She then said she didn't want to come home because there is nothing to do.

    They did a QEEG on her and found that she is having partial complex seizures and there were dysrhthmias in both the frontal lobe and limbic regions of the brain. The doctor will mostly likely be upping her depakote and maybe adding amintidine. She also takes focalin, intuniv and prozac. These are my questions:

    *What behaviors can these medicines help?
    *How long does it take to see changes?

    We also have had issues with her calling us and playing games on the phone like saying she doesn't want to talk to me (mom); she wants to talk to dad...asking for things (make-up, pictures, packages) then not even mentioning when a package arrives (let alone saying thank you)---no evidence at all of any remorse, focus on anything other than the same old stuff. We are supposed to visit her next week. I plan on making the visit fairly brief...trying to set healthy limits for all.

    Have any of you had experience with joint/co conservatorship? How did you make that happen and how did it work? We feel pretty desperate to make something happen.

    We still only know that she was approved through yesterday with insurance...very anxiety producing not knowing how long they'll cover. We are also still waiting on the results of the complete psychiatric...lots up in the air...exhausting!
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I have no experience in this area but just wanted you to know that I have read your post, am truly sorry that you all are facing such complex issues and hoping that there is a satisfactory answer found soon. Hugs DDD
  3. compassion

    compassion Member

    Hi, my daughter exhibits lots of the same behaviors. In my experince, it is her borderline traits. medications helol some. The Valie Porr book on Bodereline peroanlity sisorder has helped me a lot with and the Stop Walking on Eggshells book. Nami helps, I did not go the conservenship route becasue do not want to be held legally reapsonsible. She exhibits antisocial personality disorder and has severe conduct disorder issues. My daughter is also bipolar and the medications help with mania and she is on low does of antidepresant. Currently substance abuse issues are huge and in process ryign to get ther in subatance abuse/dual diagnosis facility.
  4. kwioake

    kwioake New Member

    I saw that your daughter hasn't lived at home since 2008. Where is she living? How did you get her there? Thanks for the book suggestions...any information is helpful.
  5. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Wow, really a lot to think about but you know, there is a different tone to your post. Not as ... I dont know, maybe it seems more put together a little bit more settled into the steps you are working on??? Are you feeling that way?

    I think it is wonderful the therapist seems to understand some and sounds like she listened to you about what might have sounded good but was really the same old story that got responses elsewhere??? If so that is a great sign I think. I would not ever expect her to thank you or show remorse. If it happens great but at this point you have had so much confirmation that this is how she is wired, she clearly has brain injury issues too... Poor thing, but no matter the cause, just like with my son, we have to make decisions that will limit their freedom. My son will need constant supervision for his life I am sure of it. But we can advocate for them to be in the least restrictive but still safe place I guess... once they are stable and fully grown.

    I sure hope insurance approves her further stay. I dont know about the conservatorship etc. Will be interesting to hear what you find out. Have you looked at the NAMI website? is there any information on there?

    Has she been on any of those medications before. Sounds like you knew of the seizures before? I was told that the stims since the activate the brain in some ways can lower the seizure threshold. For my son the lithium did too. So his seizure medications had to go up.

    He also has limbic issues... for him the hippocampus is very small and underdeveloped. I have heard that reasearch shows this is at a higher percentage in people with autism and Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) both. Makes sense that their emotions are affected then. For mine it results in massive sudden emotional shifts when extra electrical activity shoots thru, starting on the right and going to the left temporal lobes. Sometimes it is not a full seizure but the extra spikes happen frequently... all day and night. He also has frontal lobe issues...from his brain mass, bleeds and surgery. Such a bummer.

    I hope that their finding out some of the organic stuff will help at least put her in a place where she can stop, think, control impulses etc... With a lot of cognitive structure maybe she can move to a place where she can be productive and happy even if she needs close watching. I pray that for her and for you.
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    (((((hugs))))) I know this is a very stressful time and am so proud of you for making sure that she knows that things will NEVER be the same because her issues. Her concept of "never" probably isn't realistic, but you still need to be honest with her about this.

    I am not sure what co-conservatorship is. I do think you need to be SURE that the atty is not just looking out for your daughter's best interest, as in being HER atty, but is also aware that YOU as her parents need to be protected legally from the financial repercussions of any further behavior. You are doing all you can to make sure she isn't able to abuse anyone else but you MUST protect yourselves legally and financially from lawsuits from her victims. I am probably hyper-aware of this because the city we lived in when Wiz was young is INCREDIBLY lawsuit crazy.

    You may HAVE to refuse to take her home if they insist on discharging her. Sadly it may be the only way to get the help she needs. I would limit visits from the other kids for quite a long time and keep ALL visits short. It does not sound like she has any concept of how she has damaged others, and this means you have to do whatever you can to try to help her while she is still a minor, even if it means taking drastic steps to get help. You are doing a great job of this!
  7. kwioake

    kwioake New Member

    Thanks for all the encouragement...her psychiatrist had recently diagnosed her with intermittent explosive disorder which was based on descriptions of her behaviors not actual brain imaging. She has been on valproic acid/depakote but I think on a fairly low dosage. My understanding of co-conservatorship is that basically we would have joint custody with the state...that we would pay "child support" based on our finances but my understanding is limited.

    I find that I am able to think more clearly the longer she is gone, but when we talk on the phone, I can easily get sucked in/buttons pushed/triggered to anger...as much as I know that she just doesn't get it, it feels like she should be able to....

    I've also looked into the child in needs of services thing but I don't find information for the state we live in (Texas). A person that my husband talked to from a long term facility also suggested moving to another state since Texas is known to be pitiful in its financial support of children in her situation...I would love to move and could but my husband is a professor and finding a job for him is not so easy. I also think it would be pretty traumatic for my 13 year old and lord knows, he has had to deal with enough change recently. He is super close with his older brother who will be leaving home for college in the fall...trying to keep somethings stable...
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    We had to pay child support after Child was taken away from our home. I think t hat's pretty standard. We don't have a lot of money so it wasn't fun. Once the adoption was dissolved, we no longer had to pay, and Child still continued getting the same level of services.

    On the topic of moving, well, most states are cutting back on their services right now. For the sake of the rest of your family, I'd stay put.