had a rough morning at church.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jamieh, Jan 6, 2013.

  1. Jamieh

    Jamieh New Member

    My oldest had 3 meltdowns in sunday school this morning. It all started because they were playing a game with- diff colored bags and the teacher gave him a bag that wasn't green. He is OBSESSED with- green. and after that everything set him off. It was so stressful. But he was great the rest of the day and calm. I just feel like I am the only parent that has to deal with- these issues. I know I'm not but sometimes I feel that way. *sigh* But he's in bed and tomorrow is a new day and hopefully he will have a good day at school.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Maybe church isn't a good place for him for now, until you figure out what is wrong and can help him. Sure sounds like spectrum stuff!!!!

    Everyone with a spectrum kid deals with these issues every day. The k ids have obsessions and get very frustrated when they can't have them.
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2013
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Ditto MWM...
    I assume you're keeping a journal?
    And that you're "educating" people who work with him - like the Sunday school teacher? Don't be afraid to tell her that he has "obsessions", and that one of those is the color "green". Next time - she can just automatically give him a green whatever (assuming that green is still the color of obsession...)

    He's young enough that spectrumish stuff may not be caught by the "experts" yet, but... it kind of sounds that way to me, too.
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Yes, is does sound spectrum-ish to me.

    Can you practice something at home that does NOT have green? Like, a game with-pieces that only has purple, blue, yellow and red? Just a thought.
    Do the caregivers at Sunday School know that he has issues, so they are more helpful?
  5. IT1967

    IT1967 Member

    Sounds exactly like something that has happened with-difficult child 1. I remember once in pre-school she lost it because they were making these little flower craft things and she was the only one who got a blue pot - all the other girls got a pink one. It still sticks out in my mind over 6 years later. You are not the only one who deals with-this - This kind of thing still continues to this day with-my difficult child 1 (& sometimes difficult child 2).
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This is where I just fall away from the logic on the board. No way would I constantly give in and make sure he always got the green everything everywhere he went. I would teach him he had to roll with the punches life gives him.

    That reminds me of what Hailie did with the Furby she got at Xmas. She opened it, played with it for a few minutes then tells me she didnt like the color. Asked me what color I got Keyana. I said purple. She tells me she wanted the purple one. I told her no. Her mother then asked me why I picked blue for Hailie and purple for Keyana. I said I actually didnt pick either color for either kid. Mandy wrapped the presents and stuck the name tags on the outside of the packages and Hailie got what she got. So then both of them were like...well why cant she just switch out? I said No, this one is now opened and Hailie is keeping the one she got. End of story. Why on earth would there be any discussion about it? Its a darned toy.
  7. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Janet... you raised 3 difficult children alright, but... none of them is Aspie. And if you're dealing with Aspies or Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids or anything CLOSE to spectrum... that approach backfires really fast.

    Your approach works with my K2. It doesn't work with my spectrumish K1. Never has.
    Not that I would allow switching presents. Not going to happen.
    But back when difficult child was younger? There was no way I'd ever have gotten him something in a "wrong" color. He'd rather do without - which was fair.

    Like usual... you have to go with what works for the kind of kid you have... ;)
  8. Jamieh

    Jamieh New Member

    I do try and encourage him to pick other colors. Sometimes it works. Most of the time it doesn't. Green is just such an obsession for him. He wears something green every single day. His shoes are green....95% of his closet. His teacher that was in there does know of his issues. She is the preschool director for his school. So I was kind of shocked that she didn't just give him a green bag and be done with- it. BUT...I know that he needs to learn to accept that he doesn't always get what he wants. We actually go to church where his preschool is. He has a weighted blanket for naptime there. So I ended up having to take him in a dark room and wrapping him in it and rocking him until he calmed down. He usually does well in church. This was the first time that this has happened there. I know other parents go thru this...I didn't mean that they didn't. But in my circle of family and friends I feel very alone.
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I know the feeling. I have a brother with-three perfect children. He cannot possibly have a clue when it comes to kids like ours.

    Great that he has a weighted blanket. And you're doing Occupational Therapist (OT). Hang in there!
  10. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    He's five. Assuming he's either at the extreme end of ADHD, or that he may have Aspie traits... that means he is NOT five. His developmental age is definitely lower than that - maybe 3, sometimes 2. I suspect that they are trying to treat him like other five year olds... and that is part of the problem. But most people just don't "get it" when it comes to developmental challenges (I consider ADHD to be a developmental challenge, too - as do many professionals.)
  11. buddy

    buddy New Member

    oh my gosh....my son's obsessive color is green too...he is sixteen now and it is STILL green, lol. He got a green watch for christmas, a green hat and always gets the green straw, pencil, etc.

    I had to give up on Church. My son actually wanted to try it last summer. We went to this church that had a large baptismal fount. filled with holy water in the back (everyone has to pass it to sit). He nearly took a head bath in it and I thought an old lady was going to faint. We did not go back....(at the time here I think I posted that at least I knew his behaviors were not caused by being possessed. His face did NOT sizzle off). It was a great water play table though. To meet my son one would not think he would be that socially clueless but he had never experienced that before and once told now he will not do it again, but the stress was too much for me.
  12. buddy

    buddy New Member

    oh, as to not always getting green, it can happen. Q does ok with it now. But we worked on it systematically and in a fun way, never just you get what you get because he first had to learn tolerance of not having his plan altered (that really is the problem, they are so stuck...so until that mental flexibility is learned it is pretty much a set up for a meltdown to just roll with it)....
    I do think it is important to work on it though. There are many ways to do that. Including having things of mixed colors, or first X color then green, etc. But only at times when you mean to work on it until that flexibility is much more comfortable.

    I replied to another of your posts before I saw this and was thinking Autism Spectrum from your hand movement description, now I see here other characteristics. Have you ever thought of just going straight to a child development/autism clinic to see what they think? It is SUPER scary (some day I will let you know about how I worked at one and still argued when they thought my kid had autism)...but it sure opens doors for many therapies. For us it also opens up county services and funding.