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Had a very traumatic day today with difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 632627" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>Dear GuideMe, Hugs to you. You have received very wise input. How old is your daughter?</p><p></p><p>I find after a traumatic situation a helpful way to process it is to make plans for the next time. The hardest plan I have had to make was to focus on staying calm and not be pulled into the drama. I am not the best at that. My emotional attachment pulls me down most of the time. As moms, we get more frustrated with our own kids than others. We expect more from them believing they should know better, why are they being so nasty? I try to take the focus off the issue at hand (my child wanting something) and turn to the behavior (tantrum in what ever form). I then address the behavior (I don't care what you want, you can not behave like this and until you settle down, you will not get what you want.) When my daughter was an older teenager, I did tell her several times, "Do not ask anything of me until you can be respectful for one week." That did not mean ignoring me for a week but to actually address me in a respectful manner when speaking to me, not being huffy, etc. It was my way of turning my back on the drama and disrespect while giving her a chance to learn how she is to relate to me.</p><p></p><p>I was on this forum a few years ago. My son took us down a very dark path with his anxiety and I seriously spent days crying believing his future would include jail time. His anger was strong as he fought back out of the anxiety to be accepted by his peers. I often thought, "Why was I given kids with these issues?" I honestly did not give my parents any problems and did not know how to deal with disrespectful, disobedient children.</p><p></p><p>I just came back on yesterday so do not know the details you are facing. Knowing the age of your daughter will help in giving suggestions as obviously if she is young, the technics used will be different than if she is a teen or young adult.</p><p></p><p>There is a lot of true life experience here so feel free to share whenever and whatever you want. We are in this together, no judgements, just here to support.</p><p>As others have stated, you are not alone, we have all been there done that at some point or another.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 632627, member: 5096"] Dear GuideMe, Hugs to you. You have received very wise input. How old is your daughter? I find after a traumatic situation a helpful way to process it is to make plans for the next time. The hardest plan I have had to make was to focus on staying calm and not be pulled into the drama. I am not the best at that. My emotional attachment pulls me down most of the time. As moms, we get more frustrated with our own kids than others. We expect more from them believing they should know better, why are they being so nasty? I try to take the focus off the issue at hand (my child wanting something) and turn to the behavior (tantrum in what ever form). I then address the behavior (I don't care what you want, you can not behave like this and until you settle down, you will not get what you want.) When my daughter was an older teenager, I did tell her several times, "Do not ask anything of me until you can be respectful for one week." That did not mean ignoring me for a week but to actually address me in a respectful manner when speaking to me, not being huffy, etc. It was my way of turning my back on the drama and disrespect while giving her a chance to learn how she is to relate to me. I was on this forum a few years ago. My son took us down a very dark path with his anxiety and I seriously spent days crying believing his future would include jail time. His anger was strong as he fought back out of the anxiety to be accepted by his peers. I often thought, "Why was I given kids with these issues?" I honestly did not give my parents any problems and did not know how to deal with disrespectful, disobedient children. I just came back on yesterday so do not know the details you are facing. Knowing the age of your daughter will help in giving suggestions as obviously if she is young, the technics used will be different than if she is a teen or young adult. There is a lot of true life experience here so feel free to share whenever and whatever you want. We are in this together, no judgements, just here to support. As others have stated, you are not alone, we have all been there done that at some point or another. [/QUOTE]
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Had a very traumatic day today with difficult child
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