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General Parenting
Had an interesting, if gutwrenching therapy appointment
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 9154" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Some things are inherited, some are environmental, a lot are a combination of both. Your upbringing was influenced by your mother's upbringing which was also influenced by whatever disorder she was trying to deal with, without treatment.</p><p></p><p>These thing happen. When I look back at my childhood I can see HUGE problems, but I know my parents were trying to do the best they could. They were just coming from a different set of standards and ideals. I made a deal with myself to NOT do some of the things my mother did, but sometimes things just creep in anyway.</p><p></p><p>Our kids have probably inherited the Aspie/autism tendencies from both sides of the family. Allergies - ditto. And sometimes, protecting our kids too much can make the problems worse - allergies being a good example.</p><p></p><p>Whether you were right to blame your mental state on your mother really is not necessarily relevant to whether you blame yourself for Cory's problems.</p><p></p><p>What would you have been like without the abuse? What would Cory be like if he had been adopted at birth and raised by perfect people? (probably depressed, at the impossible standard set for him).</p><p></p><p>Without the abuse you could still have had problems. Alternatively, your problems could be more environmental and Cory's more inherited. But the inherited tendency is still there, which seems to indicate some balance needs to come in. You can't blame your mother for everything - you were probably born to have some level of difficulty - and you can't blame yourself for everything wrong with Cory, either.</p><p></p><p>You've had other kids with other issues. Are they all like Cory? No. Did you somehow single Cory out for some especially nasty parenting? I doubt it.</p><p></p><p>Your own experiences have coloured your parenting. It's likely that despite your own difficulties, you have done your utmost to protect your kids from what you went through. Sometimes the wheels fall off and you're harder on him than you intended, but this happens to all parents at some stage.</p><p></p><p>You've done your best. You need to forgive yourself. But I do see that linked in there somewhere is a need to somehow reconcile your own childhood and recognise that your mother probably was not entirely at fault.</p><p></p><p>Balance. It takes time and practice but when you achieve it everyone marvels.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 9154, member: 1991"] Some things are inherited, some are environmental, a lot are a combination of both. Your upbringing was influenced by your mother's upbringing which was also influenced by whatever disorder she was trying to deal with, without treatment. These thing happen. When I look back at my childhood I can see HUGE problems, but I know my parents were trying to do the best they could. They were just coming from a different set of standards and ideals. I made a deal with myself to NOT do some of the things my mother did, but sometimes things just creep in anyway. Our kids have probably inherited the Aspie/autism tendencies from both sides of the family. Allergies - ditto. And sometimes, protecting our kids too much can make the problems worse - allergies being a good example. Whether you were right to blame your mental state on your mother really is not necessarily relevant to whether you blame yourself for Cory's problems. What would you have been like without the abuse? What would Cory be like if he had been adopted at birth and raised by perfect people? (probably depressed, at the impossible standard set for him). Without the abuse you could still have had problems. Alternatively, your problems could be more environmental and Cory's more inherited. But the inherited tendency is still there, which seems to indicate some balance needs to come in. You can't blame your mother for everything - you were probably born to have some level of difficulty - and you can't blame yourself for everything wrong with Cory, either. You've had other kids with other issues. Are they all like Cory? No. Did you somehow single Cory out for some especially nasty parenting? I doubt it. Your own experiences have coloured your parenting. It's likely that despite your own difficulties, you have done your utmost to protect your kids from what you went through. Sometimes the wheels fall off and you're harder on him than you intended, but this happens to all parents at some stage. You've done your best. You need to forgive yourself. But I do see that linked in there somewhere is a need to somehow reconcile your own childhood and recognise that your mother probably was not entirely at fault. Balance. It takes time and practice but when you achieve it everyone marvels. Marg [/QUOTE]
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Had an interesting, if gutwrenching therapy appointment
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