Had son arrested 4x this year
- Thread starter omgwhy
- Start date
ScentofCedar
New Member
OMG, your son has a plan, or he would have gone to rehab. THIS WAS HIS CHOICE TO MAKE.
Because of his addiction, he picked drugs.
I wish there were some easier way we could help you understand what we all, every one of us here on the site, have had to learn over the long, hard months and years. There is no way to help someone actively using drugs. Whatever help we give them will go to service the addiction. One of the earlier posters (Witz, I think) suggested that you have your son's name taken off the deed to your house.
It is imperative that you do that, OMG.
Our children are capable of almost anything when they are actively using.
What you need to do now is to begin your own recovery. You will need to be strong and focused to help your child. Go to the detachment site. (Listed at the end of this post, and at the ends of Suz' posts.) Learn all you can about addiction. (Hazelden has a very good site for learning about addiction and how it affects the family.) Find a list of homeless shelters in your area, because I would be willing to bet a quarter that your son is going to show up on your doorstep one night very soon. Practice what you will say to him the next time you talk to him. (I know you don't think you will be hearing from him. But it is best to have a plan.)
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I don't know how to post links. Could someone post a link to the archives for OMG, so she can review what to say when her son calls, please? Thanks, guys!
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This helped me: One of our moms posted that she had seen a picture of young soldiers fighting in Iraq. When she saw that picture, she realized that those soldiers were no older than her own son. But her son was whining about what he deserved and blaming everyone else for where he was in life. That picture helped her to see her child as the adult he was, rather than as the victimized child we tend to see when we think of our troubled children. (My child was in his THIRTIES, and I was still worrying about whether he would freeze to death or have good, warm food. Did I say worrying? I meant agonizing, unable to sleep, couldn't-think-couldn't-eat worrying.)
Anyway, I posted a newspaper picture of young soldiers beside my phone. Whenever our son called, I would watch that picture as I spoke to him.
Find such a picture, OMG.
Put it by the phone.
Use the Serenity Prayer.
Choose life, and choose health, OMG.
Many of the parents on this site have seen their health ruined, or have come up with the strangest autoimmune disorders, over time. I think this is all related to the horror we live with, night and day, when our children are self-destructing and there is nothing, NOTHING we can do to help them (or ourselves).
As surely as your son has choices to make, so do you, OMG.
We are all right here. We have been through this and worse, and we can show you how to survive it.
That's why we all come back, sooner or later, even if our own children are past it. There are parents here on the site who have lost a child to drugs, OMG. One of our parents lost a child and then, had the other child turn to drugs, as well. She was as tough as she needed to be to help that living child survive. That is how tough we all have to become, if we want our children to make it through this.
We want to help you, OMG. We remember the horror of those awful, awful days and the nights that were even worse, and we want to help you make it through to the other side.
Keep posting, OMG.
Wishing well and sending strength to do what is necessary.
Barbara
Have you called a domestic violence center for an appointment, or just driven to one and walked in? They WILL help you. It is FREE. You NEED it. ASAP.
Today you should look online or in the phone book for domestic violence centers/shelters. You do not have to move there to get help. They can help you find a lawyer to get your son's name off of your home's deed. They can advocate for YOU in court. They may even be able to help you get your son into rehab.
Find one TODAY. If you cannot go there today, sit and think about what you need to do to go there. Do you need a certain outfit washed? A book to take in case you need to wait? To type up what has gone on and how you feel. Whatever is holding you back from getting this help, give it a name. Write it down on paper. Then decide if you will continue to let it hold you back.
Pick a day in the next week. Any day. Make arrangements so that you can get there on that day. If you want accountability, come here and tell us your day and time. The one you decided on. We will encourage you and even be the angels on your shoulder helping you through it. I promise. Just watch out, cause that many angels can be tiring on your shoulder. Sometimes you have to make us switch shoulders or fly around or put us in your purse.
You don't have to DO anything to go to the DV center. No appointments, no special stuff to bring. Just show up.
You also MUST go to alanon or narc anon. They will be listed in the phone book and online. Just google alanon and your town. Pick 3-6 meetings to attend this week. Again all you need to do is just show up. You can figure out what types of meetings they have once you are there. They will help. You need to go to 3-6 meetings because they won't all be the right fit for you. Each meeting is different and has a different dynamic, even if some people are at each meeting. Just go until you find one that is comfortable for you. You don't even have to talk or read to attend.
Terry posted a good report of her alanon meeting. I cannot remember the title thread, but it is still in the first page. You will be SHOCKED by the love and support you will find in the right meeting or meetings.
PLEASE go and do these things. They will help save your sanity and your health.
Is the stay away order to keep difficult child from being around you for 5 years? YOU need to follow the order also.
I am sorry that this is such a nightmare for you. The meetings will help you cope and recover.
Many hugs.
Today you should look online or in the phone book for domestic violence centers/shelters. You do not have to move there to get help. They can help you find a lawyer to get your son's name off of your home's deed. They can advocate for YOU in court. They may even be able to help you get your son into rehab.
Find one TODAY. If you cannot go there today, sit and think about what you need to do to go there. Do you need a certain outfit washed? A book to take in case you need to wait? To type up what has gone on and how you feel. Whatever is holding you back from getting this help, give it a name. Write it down on paper. Then decide if you will continue to let it hold you back.
Pick a day in the next week. Any day. Make arrangements so that you can get there on that day. If you want accountability, come here and tell us your day and time. The one you decided on. We will encourage you and even be the angels on your shoulder helping you through it. I promise. Just watch out, cause that many angels can be tiring on your shoulder. Sometimes you have to make us switch shoulders or fly around or put us in your purse.
You don't have to DO anything to go to the DV center. No appointments, no special stuff to bring. Just show up.
You also MUST go to alanon or narc anon. They will be listed in the phone book and online. Just google alanon and your town. Pick 3-6 meetings to attend this week. Again all you need to do is just show up. You can figure out what types of meetings they have once you are there. They will help. You need to go to 3-6 meetings because they won't all be the right fit for you. Each meeting is different and has a different dynamic, even if some people are at each meeting. Just go until you find one that is comfortable for you. You don't even have to talk or read to attend.
Terry posted a good report of her alanon meeting. I cannot remember the title thread, but it is still in the first page. You will be SHOCKED by the love and support you will find in the right meeting or meetings.
PLEASE go and do these things. They will help save your sanity and your health.
Is the stay away order to keep difficult child from being around you for 5 years? YOU need to follow the order also.
I am sorry that this is such a nightmare for you. The meetings will help you cope and recover.
Many hugs.
