Had to call the Police on difficult child this morning.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by StressedM0mma, Jan 10, 2012.

  1. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    This is the first time we have called them for her. She wasn't ready to go on time for her PHP and husband went up to bring her down, and she threw a brush at him. So, he picked her up to carry her down. She started kicking and scratching him and when he got her downstairs she punched him in the face. So, he dialed. SHe ran up to her room got herself dressed and brushed her teeth before they got here. The make officer got in her face and told her off. difficult child kept trying to get husband in trouble by telling them he dragged her down by her neck. But, the officer told her if your dad says it is time to go you get up and go if you are ready or not. It was scarey. But we did it.
    It may sound sick, but I am actually proud of myself for not backing down. I usually want to try and "work it out" but husband is all done. So at least she knows we will follow through with what we say.
    Tonight is going to be so ugly though. She is going to be beyond unstable. We have to take the computer and cell phone at 9 because of this. So she is going to rage so bad.
    I really really think that she needs some type of mood stablizer. she is so all over the place. She sees the psychiatrist thursday. It can't come soon enough.
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sending supportive hugs your way and hopes that time moves fast forward to Thursday. DDD
  3. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I can't understand why the psychiatrist refuses to give her a mood stabilizer. I would tell him that this is what you want and your not leaving without it.

    I'm sorry that it was a bad morning, but I'm glad that the officer got in her face. I think that they need that every now and then.
  4. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Good for you!!!! Hopefully she doesn't tell the same story she told the cop to someone else that believes her. Praying she learned SOMETHING useful from the situation.
  5. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    Thanks everyone. Honestly at this point I could care less if she tells people he pulled her by the neck. If someone wants to open a CPS case against her let them. They can remove her form the home and see how she behaves. Maybe that is what she needs.
    husband has a mtg. with her main counselor at 11 and I told him he better be forceful about getting her medications to stabilize her. That it is disrupting everyone. Older easy child can't rehearse for college auditions. I am going to have to lock up all sharp items, and sleep on the couch to make sure she doesn't try to run or damage things. So tired. I am praying they are going to either medication her or admit her. We have to have some relief here.
  6. pepperidge

    pepperidge New Member

    If she goes into a major rage call the police again tonight and make sure her program knows. This may be the fastest ticket to getting some real help for her.
  7. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip


    Don't sleep on the sofa. If she damages something, call the cops again... If she runs... Running away is NOT considered a good thing in the eyes of the PHP or juvenile system.

    You have to take care of you, first, before you can get her help. It's the old "put your oxygen mask on first" thing... If you can't breathe and pass out, who is gonna help difficult child?
  8. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    you are right. husband just got done with the meeting, and the counselor agreed that she needs to be medicated. He is meeting at 1 with the psychiatrist to recommend that they put her on something. Hopefully she will come home with a script. They were amazed that she had never shown this behavior in public before. He also said that her behavior is somewhat typical in the program. Apparently he thinks she will calm down in the next day or two because 4 boys started the program, and the girls tend to settle and not act out so much when their are more boys. They did warn us that we needed to stay on the same page because she is going to try and be sweet with me and super nasty with husband. So we shall see what tonight brings.
  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    (((((hugs))))) OF course you should be proud that you stuck to your guns and followed through!!! It is what she NEEDS, not for you to back down. It is also the hard thing. We are proud of you too.

    Tonight will be bad IF YOU LET IT. IF you approach tonight as any other night, and you call the cops if she gets out of hand, and you are very matter of fact about taking computer, phone, etc.... then it may set the tone. IF it doesn't, well, at least you were calm and didn't feed the conflama. (conflict +drama=conflama)

    Don't sleep on the couch. If she runs? call the cops. If she rages? Take the computer early or do what you said. If she hurts someone? Press assault charges.

    yes she needs help. But to get that help she has to be in a position to accept it. For a difficult child, often that position is accompanied by handcuffs and a judge's orders - and with-o those things they won't take the help. They still might not, but it gives you help and you NEED help.

    Don't tolerate the conflama tonight. Don't be in ehr face, but if she gets out of line call for help. Period. IF she runs? You being asleep on the couch won't make it any better - and may get you assaulted. If she damages something? Sell her computer/phone/musical instrument/favorite clothes/whatever to pay for the damages.

    I hope she comes home and realizes that she is outclassed and out gunned and out of options for bad behavior and she apologizes and all is peaceful. Yeah, I can cling to my dreams. But don't get hurt, and don't let her go too far. Calling the police is a source of HELP because they will not be afraid of her (and you should be - difficult children are dangerous) and often the best help cannot be accessed with-o a judge's orders.
  10. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    Thank you Susie for boosting me up. I need it right now. I seem to be nothing more than a big pile of tears lately, and husband said I have to stop. Esp. when she is around because it just feeds her. She likes that she is upsetting me. LIke you said conflama (I like that word!!) I needed that reminder to stay out of her face and just be matter of fact. She is so good at instigating that it is hard to remember to turn and walk away from it and not to join in. It takes 2 people to argue, and if I don't join in it cannot happen. I should have stepped up sooner. But I am now. Thank you and Step for reminding me that I need to take care of myself. I will not sleep on the sofa. I will sleep with my husband. You are right if she does trash something then we will make her accountable. Thanks fo rthe reminder.
  11. tessaturtle

    tessaturtle New Member

    (((hugs)))) been there done that with calls to the police. Even if it doesn't impress her, scar her, or make her realize how serious you are, it helps lay the groundwork for establishing a pattern, in case you need it later. Even though it does nothing to change our difficult child's behaviors, it has been good to have a paper trail, so to speak, of interventions that we have tried. Our police department has yet to do something more to get difficult child services, but it's nice to have someone of authority reminding our difficult child's that WE are the parents and make the rules, not the difficult child's!
  12. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    EXACTLY. One thing I discovered, a while back, after husband and I went through Onyxx's room and threw away a bunch of stuff, and then she asked about it - well, more like raged - and I was just so DONE, and had no energy left, I answered her in a monotone...

    "Some of it's gone, some is still in your room. We did warn you."
    "If that's what you'd like us to do, dear..."

    ...And I just kept walking past her. Her rage had nowhere to go and sputtered out.

    It's like trying to set a fire with wet wood (she's kindling, you're the wet wood). Spark, huge bright flame, and... Sizzle, pop, fizzle.
  13. Zardo

    Zardo Member

    When our difficult child was at his worst, we called the police a few times and would not hesitate to do it again. They were supportive and were able to reach difficult child at a time when we could not. Although it did not solve any problems, it always diffussed the immediate situation and after we did it 3 times, difficult child could see that his efforts to run or put holes in the wall were futile. I will always be thankful to my local police for their non-judgemental way of handling him and helping us through the worst of the storm. In our state, we also have an "infoline" service. You call 211 and they dispatch emergency trained counselors who are at your house within 30 minutes. This is outside the legal system and part of socisl services. These counselors can refer to other programs as well. Again, an excellent intervention. The one time we used that, the counselor stayed with difficult child for an hour, playing X-Box and talking...then he met with us as a family for 45 minutes. When their behavior is this out of control, outside intervention is necessary. I think it's actually more dangerous to try to handle it yourself.
  14. Methuselah

    Methuselah New Member

    Hi Stressed. I'm sorry you and your family had to go through that. Hopefully, it will open doors to treatment otherwise only opened with secret passwords and trinkets. I will say a prayer.
  15. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Having had to make that final decision to call and go thru it I really know the stress. But that is what they are there for. Sounds like difficult child got kind of a clue when she quickly tried to get her act together... Such a bummer. I wish they could see that not only could this all go easier but they could get a ton of fun and happiness in their lives if they could/would just do the right thing in the first place.. . ... If only it was as easy as their getting that point!

    Really think you are making good progess... it is awful to go thru the changes in rules etc. REMEMBER... behavior always gets WORSE when you change a plan... they will test the boundaries and buck the system. It is worth hanging in there and if at any time you give in... the obvious will happen, she will have learned that she can just go longer and louder and eventually get her way. It is not all that goes into the situation... clearly there are multiple issues going on... Just one piece... so I am gonna cheer you on.... I know you already know all of that... but RAH RAH go mom and dad!
  16. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I am coming into your story late, sorry. She is in a program of what sort?

    The first thing that JUMPED out at me is that she is on 125mg of Zoloft! SSRIs have a history of making kids with a mood disorder to be more unstable. Plus I think Zoloft over a 100mg is too much for even an adult. If I were you, I would have her d/c the Zoloft and try a mood stabilizer. I am really shocked the psychiatrist is OK with a kid being on that high of a dose given her symptoms.

    I am so sorry about the police but you did the right thing. It is VERY hard to make that call - I know. But you did it, and you might have to continue to do it until things calm down.

  17. mazdamama

    mazdamama New Member

    You have already gotten alot of Great Advice from these fine people. Even with all the problems I was having with Daniel I thought there is no way I could call the police on him but I have a couple times and even a neighbor has. One thing about calling the police about the actions of kids like ours with special needs is that the cops get to know the situation which is good for us as adults. Kids can and will say anything to try to stay out of being the bad guy and blame it on the parent. Hate to say it but the local police here know my guy and have really given him what for a few times. He called them once because him and a friend of my father were fooling around in the back yard while the guy was waiting for something to do with fixing my AC. They had a pool worm or whatever they are called and the guy had gently hit Daniel on the stomach.....Daniel whacked the guy so hard in the face his glasses almost broke. He called Daniel a really bad name that I did not appreciate and I went out to find out what was going on. Daniel snuck in and locked the door and called 911 for the man calling him a name. Boy did the police let him have it. And they told him (because he said I had spanked him 6 months before then) that if I wanted to spank him right then and there they would stand and watch because he deserved one.
    Last call was for the Baker Act and luckily I had already gone in the house before they handcuffed him.

    In essence....do not let her get away with ruling your house...problems or no problems....she is a CHILD and the more she can get away with the more she will try. Good Luck and God Bless.
  18. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Will be very very interesting to see if she gets up and out tomorrow morning.... HMMMMMMM?????
  19. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Yes, I suspect all you'll have to do is whisper, "Would you like me to make a phonecall?" and she'll fly out of bed. :)
    Glad the officer got in her face. We've called the police before and you can always tell the rookies. They stand there and say, "Well, he's calm *now*. What would you like me to do?"
    Keep up the good work.
  20. buddy

    buddy New Member

    SOO??? I am so curious, how did it go this morning??? (mine got ready.... but as usual... half way down the sidewalk to the bus I heard.... "bye bi***" Oh yes, I love mornings)