Had to tell him I will call the police

[llamafarm]

Finally in no unclear terms I told difficult child that I will call the police if he hits me one more time. It was very clearly an I'm not kidding tone, one that surprised even me. Now the follow through. Wish me luck. It has been two days of coming home from school and his hitting me like crazy over the plans of the day. yesterday I could understand... he had no idea he was going to the counselor, and he had made plans. But the hitting/punching/slapping hurts! Today he was very clear on the plans but when we went to them he said he wanted to do something else and proceeded to hit me. I waited it out, locked in my room with ddd while he tried to knock down the door, and undo the lock with a screwdriver. Finally he said he would go. We went down to the car. He fought over the seat he would sit in, aruged about the junk in the seat. Would not close the door and then honked the horn over my shoulder. When he undid the seatbelt as we were driving through the neighborhood I told him as we turned around to go home that if he hit me once more I would call the police. I told him I didnt' know what they would do, but they would try to protect me. He said, "but you said you love me." I said "I do and this is how I have to show it. By taking care of you and keeping people safe", (or something similar). He got home and said " I am leaving don't be surprised if I don't come back". I called a neigbor to let me know if she sees him and she called saying she saw him going fishing with a troubled friend that difficult child cannot play with anywhere but our house. Oh well. I know he'll be back. But now the call is going to have to be made. Ughhh. Give me strength.

 

[DaisyFace]

Sending strength and support!

 

[TerryJ2]

Best of luck! been there done that.
Is he taking any clonidine or anything to help him calm down? I don't see anything in the signature.
Don't worry about the police. When you make the call, be sure you are out of earshot, and you can tell the 911 operater that your son is 11, that he has Asperger's, but his hitting is getting out of control. Typically, they'll call around and find just the right unit to talk to your difficult child. They usually warn him 2 or 3X and tell him after that, he goes to juvie.

 

[llamafarm]

difficult child is on celexa, tenex, vyvanse and abilify, melatonin at bedtime

 

[TerryJ2]

Okay, thanks for the update.
Sheesh, all that and he's still hitting? Yep, call the police.

 

[llamafarm]

Thanks, the I contacted the counselor too. She recommended calling them now and letting them know that there is stuff going on. Prep them for a future call. I am not sure how I feel about that. difficult child just returned from fishing to let me know he was going over to b's house. Brilliant. He acts as if nothing has happened.. grrr. I am just letting him go. Don't have the muscle right now for what comes next. It will come eventually.

 

[TerryJ2]

Yes, unfortunately, it will.
But be sure to tell him, in a calm moment, maybe in the a.m., very briefly, that it really really bothered you that he hit you again and that you know he gets over things quickly but that you don't. And you expect him to acknowledge that and apologize.
It may be robotic at first, but eventually, he'll understand that *you* have feelings.

 

[susiestar]

If you prepare the police, you will have a far better chance of getting an officer who is prepared and trained to handle the complexities of a violent child with a developmental problem/mental illness. It is a way to make sure that you get the best possible response from the police. Make sure you tell them that he is violent and getting more violent with you. It is IMPORTANT that he learns that he can't do this because it won't be much longer before he seriously hurts you. My son was 12 when he caused permanent nerve damage in my left hand during a rage. Often our kids are far stronger than we would expect and they can do SERIOUS damage to us. What happens when he knocks you unconscious? I can promise it is NOT GOOD.

At some point he is going to go after his sister. You may have to call CPS when that happens and report that he is abusing her. This will be needed if you are to get ANY help for her - medical help for injuries, therapy for being abused by her brother, even therapy to cope with seeing him abuse you COULD be considered to be endangering her. Make a written plan for what she is to do when he hits you, when he tries to hurt her, etc.... Call it a safety plan and include when she is to call 911 or a family member for help, and post it on the wall where she can see it.

This will HELP when CPS gets involved.

You also MUST do what is needed to make sure that difficult child learns he cannot hit people, not even you, because sooner or later he will hit someone out of the house/family. Then the police probably will be involved and charges could be pressed. You will have some liability because he is a minor, and that won't be a lot of fun. So if the police get to know the situation NOW, before charges are pressed, they can try to stop the violence.

I also strongly urge you to make an intake appointment with a domestic violence center. difficult child is responding to upset/frustration with violence and even though it is child on parent it is still DV. There is HELP out there and a good DV center can set you up with therapy to help you not feel so impotent and to help him learn better ways to handle his aggression and frustration.

Has the violence gotten worse on the vyvanse? Stims can do that sometimes. Is the abilify stopping someo f the aggression? Have you tried seroquel or risperdal (risperidone)? They are not for everyone, but they can be helfpul with aggression. Risperdal was a godsend for Wiz.

Anyway, you have my empathy and support. I know how hard this is, but you NEED to stop the violence and at this point the cops NEED to be involved. I am so sorry about that. I am warning you of CPS involvement based on personal experience.