Since last post, I haven't seen or heard from son until today. I so wanted like always wanted to wrap my arms around him and be mom. But I know how this story ends up and I'm tired. Also with covid I must put my safety first.
I asked how can I help? He wanted to do laundry and visit and he mentioned how his birthday is in 10 days. I told him this is not the time for visiting.
I just couldn't go thru this again. So we drove him to a shelter bought him breakfast and drove away.
This is hard and I'm full of guilt but I'm done!
Joysheph
That was a very reasonable response. It is difficult, but they must learn. Not doing for our adult DCs gives them responsibility for their actions. Doing for them supports bad behaviors and keeps them locked in feelings of not being able to do it on their own.
My Difficult Child has never listened to one thing I have said in an effort to help her see the logic. She is a 41 y/o alcoholic pregnant for the first time. She had tried to get pregnant with her last long-term wealthy boyfriend and couldn't, so this was a total shock. She has stopped drinking and has stopped the Adderall and Xanax. On that front, she is doing really well. It's difficult to give her normal words of love and excitement because she has already using her pregnancy to manipulate. She lives in another state so I have no idea who this "father" is. She ripped me a new one for telling my best friend she is pregnant. I also told her brother and she said I had no right to do that. His reaction was that she needs to get an abortion because she can't take care of herself. She asked me what he said, I told her to call him and ask because I will not travel that road with her again. Then she shared a text gender reveal and I asked her if I could share. She has not responded to that request. It's her way of manipulating because when she said "I don't have money for maternity clothes", my response was, "who wears maternity clothes these days"? Then she said she is gaining weight, etc etc. The normal in me wants badly to be involved, but I must stay the course because this situation is far from normal. I too am hurting. I am supportive of my Difficult Child sobriety, but not supportive of behaviors that don't assure me my grand-daughter (yes, it's a girl) will be taken care of. I am praying my Difficult Child bonds with her child when she feels life. It's a big ask, and I must leave this one to my higher power.
I am so sorry you are hurting. During extraordinary times it's easy to want to let down our guard, but that isn't going to help our DCs learn to navigate their world. We really don't have the tools or experience to help them regardless of how much we want to.
In healing, Blindsided
