Today is difficult child's 20th birthday. I truly can't believe 20 years have gone by since he was born. Although I was young when I had difficult child, it was a happy time for us. My mom was very active in our lives and absolutely adored difficult child. She has since passed, leaving us with a huge void in our family. I have a lot of mixed emotions today. It's hard to pinpoint exactly how I feel but "empty" pretty much comes to mind when I think of it. I text difficult child Happy Birthday earlier and actually briefly spoke to him as well. I'm not going to see him today which is hard for me. I'm so tempted to drive 10 minutes south and hug my boy and give him a birthday card but I can't. If I do,that will be the first step in breaking the boundaries that I've so carefully set up. He's on his own today but the love is there. I love him with all of my heart and I hope he knows that.