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Happy 20th Birthday to my difficult child......
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 629950" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>This is regarding how happy your son seemed to be, which brings up something that puzzles us eternally but seems to be common with our kids. While we cry that all they have is a backpack, no future that will sustain them, and are not being responsible and may even be on drugs, they often, many of them, are not miserable. They are ok with living that type of life.</p><p></p><p>I recently read a biography written by a young adult who CHOSE to be homeless for over a year. He was also on drugs. He had been told to leave his grandparent's house due to legal trouble. He had a rather upbeat year, although he had to eat at a MIssion that he didn't like because they made the people who were getting a meal sit and listen to a preacher. Cry me a river. Their place; their rules. But he did it until he was late one night and then he was tossed out for being late. They don't tolerate much. He found other places to feed him and was never hungry. He set up a tent in a place he called Tent City and warmed himself with fire. He developed strong friendhips with other homeless people. They helped each other find places to eat, smoke cigarettes (God forbid they not smoke), get the drugs and find the charities that handed out blankets and coats and other stuff. He spent some time in jail for mouthing off to a cop who was trying to make his little band move and was not unhappy in jail at all. He was glad to leave, but it didn't scare him in the least. He had friends there. He did not feel like killing himself.</p><p></p><p>After he got out of jail, he went and found another tent city and ingratiated himself with the people there and got close to a few other misfits. Finally, his sister kept bugging him to live with her. He would go to the library and e-mail her and they'd go back and forth. He kept turning her down. He didn't want to do "the family thing" again. So again it was his choice. But eventually he figured it was time to go live with her and her husband. He did not talk about changing his drug use or lifestyle, but he did go and he claimed it was the year he found himself, whatever that means. </p><p></p><p>The last he writes about is saying good-bye to people he knows he's never going to see again as his sister lives in another state. He does not offer anything about what happened once he left.</p><p></p><p>As I read the book, I wondered how many of our kids have his attitude, while the parents are freaking out, so unhappy and so worried.</p><p></p><p>I think some of our kids are ok with being homeless if it means that having a home requires joining society, following rules, and answering to other people. And I do think some are suffering, more because of their drug use than being homeless. But I really think maybe your son is ok with his life. If he was upbeat and smiley...that doesn't sound like he is depressed. He probably knows a lot of people on the streets, but they wouldn't have access to Facebook so he wouldn't get many happy birthdays.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry for YOUR hurting heart and for the dreams you want for him that he may or may not someday attain and share. One thing for sure...all of our difficult children are a different brand of person from what is considered the norm. Hopefully, the younger ones (and the older ones too) will grow up. 36 is better than he used to be. Of cousre, he is sneaky and could be breaking the law and not getting caught, but at least he is able to learn consequences now. There was a time that setting boundaries about how he had to talk to me would have not worked. Now it has.</p><p></p><p>There is hope for any of our grown kids who care about us deep inside...to at least have a relationship with us, even if their lifestyles make us curl up inside.</p><p></p><p>I hope this made sense. I'm in a very "thinking hard" mood since my granddaughter was born. I think about the world she will grow up in. It is both easier and harder than our world was in my opinion.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 629950, member: 1550"] This is regarding how happy your son seemed to be, which brings up something that puzzles us eternally but seems to be common with our kids. While we cry that all they have is a backpack, no future that will sustain them, and are not being responsible and may even be on drugs, they often, many of them, are not miserable. They are ok with living that type of life. I recently read a biography written by a young adult who CHOSE to be homeless for over a year. He was also on drugs. He had been told to leave his grandparent's house due to legal trouble. He had a rather upbeat year, although he had to eat at a MIssion that he didn't like because they made the people who were getting a meal sit and listen to a preacher. Cry me a river. Their place; their rules. But he did it until he was late one night and then he was tossed out for being late. They don't tolerate much. He found other places to feed him and was never hungry. He set up a tent in a place he called Tent City and warmed himself with fire. He developed strong friendhips with other homeless people. They helped each other find places to eat, smoke cigarettes (God forbid they not smoke), get the drugs and find the charities that handed out blankets and coats and other stuff. He spent some time in jail for mouthing off to a cop who was trying to make his little band move and was not unhappy in jail at all. He was glad to leave, but it didn't scare him in the least. He had friends there. He did not feel like killing himself. After he got out of jail, he went and found another tent city and ingratiated himself with the people there and got close to a few other misfits. Finally, his sister kept bugging him to live with her. He would go to the library and e-mail her and they'd go back and forth. He kept turning her down. He didn't want to do "the family thing" again. So again it was his choice. But eventually he figured it was time to go live with her and her husband. He did not talk about changing his drug use or lifestyle, but he did go and he claimed it was the year he found himself, whatever that means. The last he writes about is saying good-bye to people he knows he's never going to see again as his sister lives in another state. He does not offer anything about what happened once he left. As I read the book, I wondered how many of our kids have his attitude, while the parents are freaking out, so unhappy and so worried. I think some of our kids are ok with being homeless if it means that having a home requires joining society, following rules, and answering to other people. And I do think some are suffering, more because of their drug use than being homeless. But I really think maybe your son is ok with his life. If he was upbeat and smiley...that doesn't sound like he is depressed. He probably knows a lot of people on the streets, but they wouldn't have access to Facebook so he wouldn't get many happy birthdays. I am sorry for YOUR hurting heart and for the dreams you want for him that he may or may not someday attain and share. One thing for sure...all of our difficult children are a different brand of person from what is considered the norm. Hopefully, the younger ones (and the older ones too) will grow up. 36 is better than he used to be. Of cousre, he is sneaky and could be breaking the law and not getting caught, but at least he is able to learn consequences now. There was a time that setting boundaries about how he had to talk to me would have not worked. Now it has. There is hope for any of our grown kids who care about us deep inside...to at least have a relationship with us, even if their lifestyles make us curl up inside. I hope this made sense. I'm in a very "thinking hard" mood since my granddaughter was born. I think about the world she will grow up in. It is both easier and harder than our world was in my opinion. [/QUOTE]
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Happy 20th Birthday to my difficult child......
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