happy birthday and by the way you have.......

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Jena, May 2, 2011.

  1. Jena

    Jena New Member

    an std. easy child's results came back or part of them. she has a sexually transmitted disease, one that happens from multiple sex partners and not using protection.

    she gave dr my number! can you imagine?? so i had to email her and tell her, the rest of pap results arent' even in yet. so i cant' imagine what more awaits.

    her birthdays' on sunday also, 18 on mother's day ofcourse. i hadn't planned on emailing her this week except on her birthday yet got this message and had to let her know.

    what can I say? arrested last mos., stds, not graduating.....moved out further down she goes and keeps going.............

    dr said maybe this will be a wake up call. i said no it wont' she'll just take the medications and push on! ............. and on....... and on...........

    so i gotta get her the medications and pay for them. yet that's it now, i can't handle all her bad news.
  2. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Oy. It is one she can rid of with medications?
  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Wrap the medications in pretty paper for her???

    Sorry... Sort of...
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Step, I honestly think that is a good idea. Afterall, the medications are coming out of Jena's pocket.......and could wind up costly. I'm just glad it's one that can be treated and hopefully cleared up.

    Jena I know it doesn't seem so right now.........but easy child will get her crud together eventually. Grownupitis and trying on independence has got her head in the clouds. I know it won't be easy but don't say a peep about the medications. Just give them to her.

    No wait. Got a much better idea for a birthday present. Large box of condoms. Tell her YOU wrapped them up so she'd wrap THEM up. ugh

  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    What a wonderful present...NOT!
  6. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    Aw geeze Jena ... that just plain ole suc*ks !!!!
  7. pepperidge

    pepperidge New Member

    Get her the medications, but resist the urge to baby her, make nice for her because she'll be upset about the std, and solve her problems etc. This is the bed she slept in so to speak, let her deal with the consequences. Sorry you have to deal with this, it must hurt you that this has happened to her. Stay strong, you're hanging in there!
  8. Jena

    Jena New Member

    lol i sooo won't be playing the more poor girl you got an std. no desire to play that role. More like you idiot look what having sex early gets you....... welcome to adult hood dear!!!

    yes i should wrap them up with a box of condoms..... great idea!! all i said in email was that's what you have, how it happens and i wrote well what can i say?? one more example of the decisions you are making. she wrote back i dont' have that. i said ok here's doctor number go ahead and call.

    i got upset for like ten min. than got over it. what can i say?? ya know how it goes she got arrested i got upset, she moved out i got upset, it's like with each thing she does i get hurt a little bit less. it's scarey how i can seperate from my own kid!

    i have her graduation pics up that we paid a fortunte for, ya think it's time to take it off my wall? can i tell you back than she was diong ok, and my gut kept screaming at me while we were at photographers getting pics done. i didnt' know what at the time yet i felt like something was very wrong or giong to be........hmmm mom instincts?? or me needing xanax?? should we take a poll? :)
  9. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Honestly, Jen, you shoulda just said test results are in, you need to call doctor's office.
    And I seriously would give her he medications and no more (except the condoms). Tell her sorry, that's all the bank can afford... No emotion...
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I think I would give her the to the local health department since she will be 18 on Sunday. She wont get sicker if she waits until then. Heck, I doubt she is going to call them before then and even if you get her the medications, she probably wont take them. Give her the doctors name and number, give her the name of the local health department and tell her that they will treat her for free if she has std's and they will provide condoms and birth control free. I know here they pass out bags of condoms free to anyone who walks in the door and asks for them in little brown bags. kids call them goody bags because they are colored condoms.
  11. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    When my difficult child turned 18, she was kicked out of our house and living at her dad's - very isolating. When H and I arrived to go out to dinner with exh, difficult child and her aunt and uncle, we gave her a watch and that was it. She appealed to us, in her own way, to discuss her moving back home (which, incidentally, we live out of state from her dad's and about 150 miles away) and I gave her a peck on the cheek and said, "Happy Birthday Bean - I hope all your b'day wishes have come true". I couldnt' help but be sarcastic - she was such a pita meanie at the time. I felt more guilt for not missing her, honestly. It is amazing to me that she didn't have std's or something else or pregnant she was so stupid.

    Jena, she's 21 now and although she is not in school as I had hoped, she is better, she's learning responsibility and how to be respectful not only to us, but to herself, which in my opinion is more important. Yours will get there. In the meantime, continue doing what you're doing, detaching with love and patience. Continue to focus on your own health. At 18, she is old enough to know better between right and wrong. Some people just have to learn the hard way - but at their own expense. Big gentle hugs (don't want to hurt you).

    ps: I vote that you get a report faxed over from the DR and wrap that up with the antibiotics and condoms for her birthday. She wants to be treated as an adult, then she has to begin behaving like one.
  12. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    She better get treated. Denial could result in never being able to have children.
  13. Jena

    Jena New Member

    exactly. she emailed last night asked when medications would be ready. i dont' know guys i think i'm due for a bit of a break. i'Tourette's Syndrome hard having two difficult child's... i'm getting depressed, husband is like fed up. each day is some new disaster. i need a big huge mom time out!
  14. Josie

    Josie Active Member

    I think I would tell her to figure out a time when she could come pick up the prescription and go with you to fill it. That way, she is at least doing something about it and not just having it handed to her. I think she is more likely to take it if she shows some initiative in getting it filled.

    Then, I would tell her that she is an adult living on her own and adults don't talk to their parents about their sex lives. Adults take care of their own std's without involving their parents. Anything short of a baby on the way is something you don't really want to know.

    I would probably add a little something about how a baby right now would really make her life difficult. Ask her if she thinks that other mom will let a baby live there and help her when she needs it. Ask her if she thinks she will be able to find a boyfriend if she is pregnant or has a newborn, assuming she doesn't have a real boyfriend now. How will she go out if she has a baby? Maybe you can appeal to her self interest in preventing a baby, at least.

    Condoms are a good birthday present, too.
  15. Jena

    Jena New Member


    the dr called it in, i just have to go and get it. I emailed her, she'll be by later to get it. i'm not doing the condoms 4 bdy that would just create more drama that i dont want.

    i have to minimize the hit on me at this point. i just called school left message for the dean to change her addy at school to this other mother's house i dont' want her mail everyday about how she's failing, teacher's writing me i'm done with it for now. nothing i can do about it and all it does is trigger me.

    last night i couldnt sleep was up crying yet again because well she's torturing me. lol. i'm on 3 hours of sleep today with a difficult child is not a good thing. so gotta cut all the drama out that i can. if she wants to return home i'll welcome her with open arms and rules to sign off on. yet she's living the high life where she is and using me to pay for her doctor's. last week was 200 for gynecologist, this week the medication. this all came out of money we set aside for me to get dental work done. sounds selfish yet if she hadn't slept around that woudl of been an expense we wouldn't of had to pay for.
  16. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Jena, then don't pay for it again. Let her go to the free clinic or health department. If she wants to live the life of an adult, she'll have to live up to the financial responsibilities of an adult. She can't have it both ways. When my girls turned 18, I called their doctors and made sure they understood that I was no longer responsible for my kids' financial obligations; they were to bill them directly. Your daughter's turning 18 any day now, right? I strongly encourage you to do the same.

    Honestly, she's not torturing you, you're torturing yourself. Don't let her have that much power over you. I know that's easier said than done, though. Have you gotten a chance to check into those books yet?
  17. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Ditto. Did the same for mine.................including easy child.

    From ages 14-17 I worked hard on teaching them independence by making them do things I'd normally do for them by gradually increasing their responsibility. At 18......mom cut the cord. Travis was the only one to enjoy medication insurance until he was 19 because he had serious medical conditions that warranted it.

    There were many days I had the chat "they're an adult now" repeating like a mantra in my head so I could let go. The first one is the hardest.

  18. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Shari and the others have a good point. Let her deal with this, it's what adults do. She doesn't live in your home, she wants to be independent. Let her figure out her RX.

    L has the same thing except she waited so long to get an annual (or maybe she's lying about that too) that she's now calling it "pre-cancerous". I don't know that that is so, but it's what she's telling everyone. "It's not warts. It's not an STD. It's pre-cancerous cells and I had them tested twice already. I need to get tested again in two months to see if they're growing." OK, L, but all women know how PAPs work, and if they knew they were pre-cancerous they wouldn't let them wait two months to see if they were growing, they'd remove them. They're warts. They're an STD. Stop sleeping around.
  19. Jena

    Jena New Member

    yea it's all soo crazy. she is def. torturing me yet the difference is i'm letting her and making the same choices i did when she was here, i'm doing for her and shouldn't be. so i'm letting her have her cake and eat it too.

    it took an hours worth of therapy to drill it into my head. i knew it just too close to it. had to hear it twenty times over i guess. it's not easy. i wrote new post.

    i'm enabling her, i'm not doing a bad job by any means, yet i'm enabling her by bringing her to the dr., getting medications, i keep functioning like a full time mom. i can't do that anymore. yes my mantra...... over and over again