, if you have a moment would you please look at my new thread. I am long winded (as usual) but I really am seeking direction and validation.
I do not know for sure the right place to stand vis a vis my son. We have been trying to support him (read, pressure him) to do constructive things...to very, very limited success.
This stance led me to become sick again, and sick at heart...and M took over as the heavy. And now he is despairing, too.
I do not want to kick out my son. That is my new bottom line. This is for me, I acknowledge this. I want him to have the stability to continue his medication. If this medication compliance is a sham to influence me, that is another thing.
My bottom line has shifted. I seem to have a free-floating bottom line....
The no-marijuana bottom line....is impossible to enforce if I am unwilling to kick him out.
The "be productive" bottom line is impossible to enforce.
The "pay rent" bottom line, did not hold this month.
There seems to be no "bottom line" where I can hold the line. If I am unwilling to kick him out or to follow through with it. M undermined me the last 2 times. He could not, after all, when he drove my son back to the other house to get his stuff, follow through. And now it is vastly more difficult...for me...because my son has restarted the medication he needs to help him NOT DIE.
I only control my own bottom lines about me. I get that. And my own bottom line about me, seems to be now--that I do not suffer so much.
I want to stop suffering so much. So I seem to be giving up on any bottom lines about my son. My only (New) bottom line is that I do whatever I can to support him to take his medication.
I am lost. I want to be the center of my own life. By this I mean to see myself and my life, with a spiritual center. My own relationship with my son, seems to threaten that. And I do not know what to do.