Happy Birthday Surprise for my 16 yr old difficult child

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by lizanne2, Dec 14, 2009.

  1. lizanne2

    lizanne2 New Member

    My son turned 16 yesterday. I am still not quite over that!!!!

    Here is the real surprise.

    difficult child says--Just so you know- my dad called me to wish me happy birthday.

    I think I reacted appropriately. I looked pleasantly(I think) surprised and then said (this may have been a mistake), "I am surprised he new it was your birthday." difficult child doesn't think he did as he had to say today was his birthday. Apparently his older half siblings with whom he has been chatting on facebook guessed his birthday was around this time and Dad just got lucky with the day. Apparently, difficult child had a funny and a little flippant response prepared for his day but he refrained. And then, and here I was being a bit territorial and spiteful, I told him he could have said something and that his dad can have a pretty sharp tongue and also would have thought it funny.

    So, the first birthday gesture in 16 years for my son and I think I was awfully nice, no? I wish I would have reminded difficult child of this.

    I asked how he was and he said he was fine with it!

    So, do I leave it alone? I really was cool not ever speaking to him again after the miserable things he did.

    Thansk for listening. Any thoughts on helping the two through perhaps a dad in their life all of a sudden.
  2. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I would think the most important is the expectations they set for the relationship. If they set the bar low, maybe they will be pleasantly surprised. If they set it too high they are sure to be disappointed.
  3. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Ditto BW. I think the most harmful thing an absent parent can do is re-appear only to leave again. Not sure how you prep them for that, but the more realistic they are about it, the better off they'll be, I think.

    But I think you handled it well...be positive without creating a false sense of presence.