Happy Easter !

[Ephchap]

I wanted to be sure to wish each and every one of you a Happy Easter.

I apologize for not being around much. I've had a lot on my plate dealing with a difficult child alcoholic older brother and had to move my mom in with me temporarily. We are looking at a senior independent apartment place tomorrow. Fingers crossed that she realizes that it is not a nursing home, but a place where seniors can live life more fully - socializing. Hopefully that will free me up a bit too and I can resume my normal chaotic life. lol.

My oldest got engaged the other night, so I am hopeful that this is the turnaround for my family, bringing more happiness into our lives as we look forward to new beginnings.

Again, a Happy Easter to all.
Hugs,
Deb :whew:

 

[DDD]

I'm sure you have found a wonderful residential facility for your
Mom. I had that experience just a few years ago with my next door neighbor and I was truly impressed with the opportunities
available. The only thing that caused a problem was that the
facility misrepresented the amount of "assistance" available and
my friend needed help getting to/from the bathroom etc. and getting dressed. Her mind was 100% sharp but she need to be able
to ring for someone for a helping hand. I don't know what your
Mom's needs are right now but make sure there is full disclosure
before you sign up.

Fingers crossed that a new and happier phase is settling in for
your family. Happy Easter. DDD

PS: Let me know if you have learned anything caring for your
brother.

 

[Sunlight]

Deb, I am sorry that your brother's alcoholism still affects your life. I do not want that for ant's brother.

hope your life gets better. blessings to you and yours!
Janet

 

[Ephchap]

Thanks, DDD. Yes, this senior facility is wonderful in that they have one large building that is for independent living (which is where mom will hopefully fit in at this point), and they also have a separate assisted living facility, and also take patients with demetia. Because they have the assisted living facility, there is always a nurse available, even for those living in the independent apartments if needed.

The sad fact is that my mom allowed this to continue on and on and on and one until it was going to kill both she and my brother. We had many teary conversations while all this was going on, and she would keep telling me that she wasn't as strong as me. Strong? I sure didn't feel strong when I signed my 14 year old in against his will and while the door was shutting he was screaming that he hated me.

But ... watching my brother and what it has done to my mom, I know that if I had to do it all over again, I would again let him know that living with me like that was not an option. My mother, bless her heart, somehow thought she was helping. She wasn't. My brother knew that even if he was drunk as a skunk for weeks on end, that my mother would be there to help make sure he was okay. If she wasn't there, perhaps he would have had to sober up. Who knows.

Have I mentioned lately how much I hate substance abuse and what it does to the entire family? Ughhhh.

Janet, yes, you're right - I don't want this for my difficult child's brother and sister either. I often tell my children that same thing.

My difficult child thought I came down really hard on him in sending him to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) twice (once at 14 and once at 17), but it's because I watched my brother do this to my parents over and over again that it made me stronger in not tolerating the drug use.

Thanks again for your support. Hopefully after two months away, my brother can stay on the wagon this time and turn things around.

Deb

 

[DDD]

I can only imagine how stressful it must be juggling all these
issues. With everything else, have you researched the financial
aspects of your Mom's aging? There are really complex laws about
assets that need to be addressed five years or more before the
senior might need to accept Medicaid coverage. The retention or
sale of the residence is another area that needs research.

Don't mean to add hassles to your agenda but I walked into it blind and then found I had to backtrack records etc. that was
really difficult.

I didn't realize your brother was away. That may give you a window of opportunity with your Mom. I hope so. Hugs. DDD

 

[Ephchap]

Thanks, DDD. My mom is 81, so no worries about medicaid or about capital gains on selling her home. Hopefully everything will fall into place ... but she needs to put her deposit down on the apartment we looked at yesterday that's off the courtyard like she wants ... and she's waffling. :hammer: I don't know if I'll make it through this drama.

Hugs,
Deb