Happy Mother's Day (or not)

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by graceupongrace, May 10, 2009.

  1. graceupongrace

    graceupongrace New Member

    Hi! I'm new here and so relieved to find other people who deal with-some of the same challenges -- people who will not blame me for bad parenting. If they only saw easy child, I'd be nominated for Mother of the Year, but when they hear about difficult child, they assume I'm the problem. Can you tell I need some empathy?! :faint:

    My friends' kids are planning Mother's Day celebrations and my difficult child is screaming "I hate you! I want you out of my life forever!" I'm sad and angry and mostly exhausted from dealing with-difficult child. I don't want breakfast in bed, just a break from the meanness. The last few weeks have been horrendous as difficult child has been going thru withdrawal from video games. (If you don't believe they're addictive, talk to me! It's scary. But that's another post....) I can't remember the last time I didn't start the day in tears.

    So I'm hoping to take a quiet solo walk by the bay and escape from the nightmare before I lose it altogether. But one of my "projects" this Mother's Day is to reach out to moms who are doing a great job and let them know how awesome they are. They include a mom with a difficult child who is now rocking in high school, a mom who is in grad school at age 60 (now that the kids are grown), and a stepmom who rescued her kids from a truly awful life. And my good wishes include you warrior moms. After a couple weeks of lurking, I've seen what you're dealing with. I admire your strength and your compassion. Please accept my hugs ((())) along with prayers for a peaceful day.
  2. daralex

    daralex Clinging onto my sanity

    Happy mother's day!

    I woke up to a kitchen full of dirty dishes and a mess of an apartment. I got my family back though - I made my own mother's day - I am on strike for the weekend. No laundry, food shopping or cleaning:D

  3. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Today was one of my better Mothers Days. I was able to sleep in until 9 am, I was in the loo when husband brought my mobile phone with a text message from easy child 2/difficult child 2, saying "Happy Mothers Day, c u 2nite."
    THen within seconds came another one from difficult child 1 - "Happy Mothers Day. Where do we meet u after church? At home or somewhere outside?"

    I walked out to the kitchen and difficult child 3 actually said (apparently without prompting - miraculous) "Happy Mothers Day!" (although I suspect he had been earlier prompted by husband and had spent the previous half hour struggling to remember to follow through).

    I then began peeling and cutting up vegetables for a big roast lamb barbecued dinner we had planned at mother in law's. husband headed off to start the barbecue (kettle). I got down there soon after with my bag of vegetables.

    The rest of the day was stressful and a comedy of errors. The barbecue failed to light so it was decided to use the oven. Of course, not everyone was told this, so it led to some confusion. Then the oven element died and the roast stopped cooking. I went to fetch husband (it was now 2 pm and no aroma of lunch roasting) and I grabbed more kindling to kick-start the barbecue. Aussies do powerful kindling!

    By 3 pm the roast is in the barbecue and cooking. The vegetables are being roasted under the griller. I had grabbed some last-minute ingredients and done a very quick impromptu vegetable stir-fry for a late snack lunch, plus nibbles and cheese. difficult child 1 & daughter in law had arrived for lunch, daughter in law needs to eat on time and she fainted (I suspect low BSL).

    We finally ate "lunch" at 5 pm.

    But it was still a good Mothers Day - difficult child 1 remembered to say"Happy Mothers Day" when he arrived with daughter in law. And later when the phone rang at 6 pm it was easy child 2/difficult child 2 saying, "Happy Mothers Day." She was apologising for not making the visit to us after all, because she had been at work all day and felt a bad cold coming on.

    But I heard from three of my kids, and the fourth has the perfect excuse - she is in Thailand on her honeymoon!

    The moral of the story - Mothers Day is generally no better than any other day. It is only a bad day if we let our expectations run away with our ambition and imagination. But if we keep our feet on the ground, we will not be disappointed.

  4. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Grace - Welcome! I hope you find peace in your walk today.

    Dara - Good for you! I hope someone gets that work done before your strike is over.

    Marg - Should have gone out? Those days of one thing after another do get comical after awhile don't they?

    husband is taking difficult child to early church. We never go out on Mothers Day because of the crowds. It is near impossible to find a seat on a regular Sunday (not nearly enough good sit in resturaunts in town) and on Mothers Day the waiting lines triple and then the rooms are so crowded and loud. Too bad - I love breakfast buffets and this is about the only day local places put them out.

    The kids have something up their sleeves? I have heard some whisperings. Diva is suppose to do something which difficult child keeps reminding her of and asking if she will be home today. She is house sitting an apt for a friend.

    difficult child also told me, "Mom, after you come home from church today, I will do whatever you ask as long as you do not work."

    It will be an interesting afternoon.

    Everyone have a GREAT day and I hope your kids find a way to make YOU laugh!
  5. recovering doormat

    recovering doormat Lapsed CDer

    I think all those images we have of mom's lolling against lacy pillows in their bedjackets while smiling children bring them trays of coffee, juice and pancakes with a single, perfect rose in a vase, are just Hallmark card images.

    I'm thankful that my kids are alive and healthy. An acquaintance just lost his 19 yr old, beautiful, talented, smart, athletic daughter to suicide. I can't imagine his pain. I hug my kids more lately.

    Mother's Day is like any other for me: I'm doing something for my kids! It's also my eldest's 19th birthday and her nose is a bit out of joint because it's Mother's Day and none of her friends can celebrate with her today, we have to postpone until next weekend. I'm planning to grill steaks outdoors and have ice cream cake. Mmmm...sugar...fat....carbs....

    To all you Warrior Moms, Happy Mother's Day, whether it's calm or a circus!
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Thank you, Grace. Boy, does your note sound familiar!

    Dara, no work is a GREAT Mother's Day!

    Marg, OMG--that roast episode--and your daughter in law fainting--what a day!

    Recovering, oh, that is so tragic about the 19-yr-old. So sorry about your daughter's birthday flop ... we went through that a few times with-Easter and my easy child but we've got it straight now. You learn over the yrs. :)

    Here's the card husband picked out for difficult child to give to me. It's perfect.

    From your son-
    You tried to teach me manners
    and to follow every rule.
    You told me I should study hard
    and do my best in school.
    You did your best
    to raise me right.
    There's no two ways about it ...
    And if you think it didn't work,
    imagine me WITHOUT it!
  7. graceupongrace

    graceupongrace New Member

    Thanks for the kind words & wisdom, everyone.

    After the usual awful start to the day, difficult child actually apologized for yesterday's meltdown and admitted he was out of control. This is a big deal, as he almost never shows even an ounce of remorse. It made my day.

    Do you ever find yourself wishing moments like that marked a turning point? I do, but I know better. ;) I'll take the moment anyway.

    Happy Mother's Day.
  8. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    "Do you ever find yourself wishing moments like that marked a turning point? I do, but I know better. I'll take the moment anyway."

    Oh boy do I ever.

    My difficult child never came home last night so husband and I were upp all night trying to find her then trying to sleep. When she finally dragged herself in at 10:30 this morning she was hung over and looked like a tramp. We had a huge fight and I never want to talk to her again.

    I'm so glad your difficult child apologized. Mine never had any remorse when she was young so I certainly don't expect any now.

  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Terry...how adorable!

    Cory has said those basic words to me before just not in a formal card format...lol. Today he came over to give me his box of chocolates and flop down to try out my new bed. His dad and I were laying on it watching tv and he was fixing to leave to head to the beach for a night of celebrating bike week there...what is so cool now is that he never leaves the house without leaning in to kiss us both good bye and saying...love you guys. That never would happen in the last few years with him at home because there was just too much tension and anger here. Now...there is just that feeling of how nice it is to see him when he comes over. We like him again. Always loved him...now we like him.
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Aw, Janet, that is so sweet. That gives hope to all of us. :)
  11. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I agree - you take the moment andwhatever you can get. Anything more is a bonus.

    And as for the "anything more" - we went to bed early last night, so we missed te late-night email that came in just before midnight on Mothers Day, from the honeymoon couple in Thailand. "We didn't forget - Happy Mothers Day!" and a lovely photo of the two of them being hugged by elephants.

    So I feel blessed - for the first time in I don't know when, maybe forever, ALL my kids got to "spontaneously" wish me Happy Mothers Day, all on the correct day!

    I got no material gifts. We don't give gifts on Mothers Day/Fathers Day in our family. What I got means far more to me.