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Substance Abuse
'Happy' New Year all! - I'm reaching out again
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<blockquote data-quote="wisernow" data-source="post: 705710" data-attributes="member: 20373"><p>Oh my dear LOST. How sad your story and how sad it is that so much of it resonates with so many of us. My difficult son is my eldest followed by a daughter who is two years younger. In early teens he began to show his difficult behaviours. I am not sure what came first, drugs or mental illness. He was in therapy from age 14 on and we began walking on eggshells around our house never knowing when the next explosion would come. The emotional blackmail would start when we started implementing rules about going to school no drugs etc...and then several suicide attempts followed by hospitalizations, his return back to home, same scenarios on spin cycle over and over again. My daughter who was 14 at the time, (her brother 16) told us she was planning to leave the house, she could no longer live in the house the way it was, and no longer live with the anxiety and drama that her older brother was creating. We were so FOCUSED on the issues with our eldest we had blinded ourselves as to the impact on our daughter who had never done anything wrong, great grades, no drugs, etc.</p><p></p><p>The next day we packed SON up and moved him out to relatives which were gracious enough to step in to help. Once we got our peace back in our sanctuary, we tried to protect that , even if it meant son could not return home for more that a few hours visit at a time.</p><p></p><p>Several years later we did accept him back with many conditions when younger daughter was at university and living away. He did well during the honey moon return home, but then the spin cycle started all over again and we moved him out to a condo I owned. He went through university and did graduate but could never hold a job or friends. It wasn't until he committed a violent assault against a stranger, that he was finally diagnosed with schizophrenia...which the doctors suspect may well have been brought on by drug use.</p><p></p><p>I too lived in dread that he would commit suicide if we enforced the consequences of his behavior but through therapy (lots of it) also came to understand that this was such a terrible form of emotional blackmail and power over me. I had to learn to take the POWER back. Sadly that also meant learning in myself that if he actually did commit suicide , while devastated I would BE ALRIGHT!</p><p></p><p>Fast forward son is in a group home, daughter is in medical school, I divorced ( relationship could not withstand the drama) and am now living with a caring partner, but my life is CALM.</p><p></p><p>Forever I looked around at other families and wondered why they all seemed so normal....only to realize each and every family has their share of drama and heartaches.</p><p></p><p>Please take your power back and refuse to be part of the spin cycle. As many other posters have said, you need to take care of yourself and those positive forces in your life first. Your son will come around if and when HE chooses to do so. Many hugs and well wishes for you!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="wisernow, post: 705710, member: 20373"] Oh my dear LOST. How sad your story and how sad it is that so much of it resonates with so many of us. My difficult son is my eldest followed by a daughter who is two years younger. In early teens he began to show his difficult behaviours. I am not sure what came first, drugs or mental illness. He was in therapy from age 14 on and we began walking on eggshells around our house never knowing when the next explosion would come. The emotional blackmail would start when we started implementing rules about going to school no drugs etc...and then several suicide attempts followed by hospitalizations, his return back to home, same scenarios on spin cycle over and over again. My daughter who was 14 at the time, (her brother 16) told us she was planning to leave the house, she could no longer live in the house the way it was, and no longer live with the anxiety and drama that her older brother was creating. We were so FOCUSED on the issues with our eldest we had blinded ourselves as to the impact on our daughter who had never done anything wrong, great grades, no drugs, etc. The next day we packed SON up and moved him out to relatives which were gracious enough to step in to help. Once we got our peace back in our sanctuary, we tried to protect that , even if it meant son could not return home for more that a few hours visit at a time. Several years later we did accept him back with many conditions when younger daughter was at university and living away. He did well during the honey moon return home, but then the spin cycle started all over again and we moved him out to a condo I owned. He went through university and did graduate but could never hold a job or friends. It wasn't until he committed a violent assault against a stranger, that he was finally diagnosed with schizophrenia...which the doctors suspect may well have been brought on by drug use. I too lived in dread that he would commit suicide if we enforced the consequences of his behavior but through therapy (lots of it) also came to understand that this was such a terrible form of emotional blackmail and power over me. I had to learn to take the POWER back. Sadly that also meant learning in myself that if he actually did commit suicide , while devastated I would BE ALRIGHT! Fast forward son is in a group home, daughter is in medical school, I divorced ( relationship could not withstand the drama) and am now living with a caring partner, but my life is CALM. Forever I looked around at other families and wondered why they all seemed so normal....only to realize each and every family has their share of drama and heartaches. Please take your power back and refuse to be part of the spin cycle. As many other posters have said, you need to take care of yourself and those positive forces in your life first. Your son will come around if and when HE chooses to do so. Many hugs and well wishes for you! [/QUOTE]
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'Happy' New Year all! - I'm reaching out again
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