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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 726199" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>A therapist once said to me, "engage with crazy people and you too become crazy." Pardon the use of crazy, it's what she said and it fits for me in this context. Another visual I once saw was a samurai holding a sword about to engage it with a dark creature......the saying was the same, "engage with crazy people and you too become crazy." I felt that visual because I knew that once that sword touched the dark figure, the engagement would begin. You're then "hooked." The thing is, you can't start.</p><p></p><p>Every time your daughter shows up manic and begins her tyrannical abuse of you, call the police, or get up, get dressed and leave, silently. Unplug the phone, turn off the laptop, remove yourself from all of it. If your husband will support you, ask him to deal with her when she gets in that manic place. He may be able to simply tell her to leave and cut it out. Then, do not engage with her until she calms down and acts respectfully. You should never reward that kind of behavior, ever. I know how it isn't your nature, it isn't mine either, but I learned how to take care of me. If you don't change your nature and build strong boundaries around this kind of destructive behavior, you will certainly spend your retirement years with this dirty fighter. They do not just stop the behavior, YOU HAVE TO STOP IT. They are relentless because they don't experience guilt, remorse, tenderness, compassion or empathy and in the past this kind of insane manic behavior has worked. When it stops working, then the behavior will end. The only one who can stop it from working is you. </p><p></p><p>I had to do many 360's.....I had to learn very new behaviors for me......I had to get stronger and develop courage and a strong backbone. I wanted peace and joy more than anything else and that commitment helped me to learn how to detach from these bad behaviors and demand to be treated well. You can change this habitual behavior you've created with your daughter, it isn't easy, but it is doable. Continue stepping back. Get yourself a lot of support. Meditate. Pray. Put yourself as the priority and make sure your needs are met. Create the life you want to be living Newstart. We don't have the luxury of plenty of time anymore.......go grab your life and live it!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 726199, member: 13542"] A therapist once said to me, "engage with crazy people and you too become crazy." Pardon the use of crazy, it's what she said and it fits for me in this context. Another visual I once saw was a samurai holding a sword about to engage it with a dark creature......the saying was the same, "engage with crazy people and you too become crazy." I felt that visual because I knew that once that sword touched the dark figure, the engagement would begin. You're then "hooked." The thing is, you can't start. Every time your daughter shows up manic and begins her tyrannical abuse of you, call the police, or get up, get dressed and leave, silently. Unplug the phone, turn off the laptop, remove yourself from all of it. If your husband will support you, ask him to deal with her when she gets in that manic place. He may be able to simply tell her to leave and cut it out. Then, do not engage with her until she calms down and acts respectfully. You should never reward that kind of behavior, ever. I know how it isn't your nature, it isn't mine either, but I learned how to take care of me. If you don't change your nature and build strong boundaries around this kind of destructive behavior, you will certainly spend your retirement years with this dirty fighter. They do not just stop the behavior, YOU HAVE TO STOP IT. They are relentless because they don't experience guilt, remorse, tenderness, compassion or empathy and in the past this kind of insane manic behavior has worked. When it stops working, then the behavior will end. The only one who can stop it from working is you. I had to do many 360's.....I had to learn very new behaviors for me......I had to get stronger and develop courage and a strong backbone. I wanted peace and joy more than anything else and that commitment helped me to learn how to detach from these bad behaviors and demand to be treated well. You can change this habitual behavior you've created with your daughter, it isn't easy, but it is doable. Continue stepping back. Get yourself a lot of support. Meditate. Pray. Put yourself as the priority and make sure your needs are met. Create the life you want to be living Newstart. We don't have the luxury of plenty of time anymore.......go grab your life and live it! [/QUOTE]
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