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Happy New Year
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 726218" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Happy New Year Newstart!!</p><p></p><p>First I just want to say that you sound very strong. From what you have shared you are on the right path so now, just stay steady the course.</p><p></p><p>I think you long to have your daughter love you the way your son loved you. I can only imagine the hole his death left in your heart. One thing I have learned is even though people we love die, the love they had for us lives in our hearts. It's there but to remember it and feel it can be painful.</p><p></p><p>I have only one child and would love to know the kind of love your son had for you. You are blessed to have had that.</p><p></p><p>I think you are very wise to start the New Year with thoughts of self reflection, to work on your mental and physical health. Focus on loving yourself and doing things that bring you joy.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I've been here! PTSD from what our difficult adult children put us through can have a long lasting effect on us. I went through a period of time where I would open the curtains to my back sliding door in the kitchen and I would have a fear that my son would be on the other side of the glass. I played the "what if" game quite a bit going through in my mind what I would do if he showed up at my house.</p><p>It's sad that we have to keep our guard up the way we do with our own children but we have to do what have to in order to be safe. To be safe emotionally and physically.</p><p>Detaching and having firm boundaries in place is the only way I have been able to move on with my life.</p><p>I have been through many valleys with my son. The main way I communicate with my son is via private message on FB. Several years ago he started slamming me for my faith. He was vicious and very ugly. He called me so many nasty names. I did my best to express to him that he was entitled to his own beliefs but to attack mine was uncalled for. He just wouldn't stop. I ended up blocking him from FB and did not communicate with him for over a year. During that year I did some soul searching and made some decisions about my life and that I was going to take it back and not allow my son to steal any more of my joy. I will not hesitate to cut off communication with him again if need be.</p><p>I know that you too will get to this place, a place of peace and a place of happiness.</p><p></p><p></p><p>This is what happens when our difficult adult children suck us into the vortex of their chaos.</p><p>I know how tired you are but draw on the strength of those of us who have come back from that vortex. Feel us pulling you out!</p><p></p><p>The most important thing you can do is to live your life for yourself. Find those things that will allow you to spend your days laughing and loving. Start with one little thing, it can be something as simple as buying yourself flowers or getting a pedicure.</p><p>Take care of you first and foremost and the rest really will fall into place.</p><p></p><p>Wishing you a year filled with a renewed spirit and energy.</p><p></p><p>((HUGS))................</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 726218, member: 18516"] Happy New Year Newstart!! First I just want to say that you sound very strong. From what you have shared you are on the right path so now, just stay steady the course. I think you long to have your daughter love you the way your son loved you. I can only imagine the hole his death left in your heart. One thing I have learned is even though people we love die, the love they had for us lives in our hearts. It's there but to remember it and feel it can be painful. I have only one child and would love to know the kind of love your son had for you. You are blessed to have had that. I think you are very wise to start the New Year with thoughts of self reflection, to work on your mental and physical health. Focus on loving yourself and doing things that bring you joy. I've been here! PTSD from what our difficult adult children put us through can have a long lasting effect on us. I went through a period of time where I would open the curtains to my back sliding door in the kitchen and I would have a fear that my son would be on the other side of the glass. I played the "what if" game quite a bit going through in my mind what I would do if he showed up at my house. It's sad that we have to keep our guard up the way we do with our own children but we have to do what have to in order to be safe. To be safe emotionally and physically. Detaching and having firm boundaries in place is the only way I have been able to move on with my life. I have been through many valleys with my son. The main way I communicate with my son is via private message on FB. Several years ago he started slamming me for my faith. He was vicious and very ugly. He called me so many nasty names. I did my best to express to him that he was entitled to his own beliefs but to attack mine was uncalled for. He just wouldn't stop. I ended up blocking him from FB and did not communicate with him for over a year. During that year I did some soul searching and made some decisions about my life and that I was going to take it back and not allow my son to steal any more of my joy. I will not hesitate to cut off communication with him again if need be. I know that you too will get to this place, a place of peace and a place of happiness. This is what happens when our difficult adult children suck us into the vortex of their chaos. I know how tired you are but draw on the strength of those of us who have come back from that vortex. Feel us pulling you out! The most important thing you can do is to live your life for yourself. Find those things that will allow you to spend your days laughing and loving. Start with one little thing, it can be something as simple as buying yourself flowers or getting a pedicure. Take care of you first and foremost and the rest really will fall into place. Wishing you a year filled with a renewed spirit and energy. ((HUGS))................ [/QUOTE]
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