Hard day.....

[timer lady]

Crying out for help from husband was so natural & unexpected at the same time. It still seems so surreal that he has died. That he is missing so much of life. That I am here alone.

He was too young....but too tormented & couldn't win the addiction battle. Does that make it any easier? No - I'm just plain angry some days; others it makes me horribly sad & there are days, like today, I just want to crawl back in bed; want the world to let me alone.

It's been too much after all that has happened in my household to have husband die like he did. To know, now, that he continued with his "drug of choice" when I was so ill & counted on him. AND he did provide for us with many things - even after he died.

I'm still sore & bruised - went to the GP yesterday to have my wrist xrayed (tried to catch myself) - it's sprained. Bumps & bruises. GP is going to try to get in home help for me; especially until I can get the bathroom remodeled & get rid of that big old claw foot tub.

Thanks for listening ladies.

 

[mrscatinthehat]

Hugs

 

[gottaloveem]

I fell yesterday morning.....lost my balance (wasn't using my cane or walker ~ seldom do in the house) & fell hard. I'm bruised & sore.

Mostly I'm angry. I was alone, husband is gone & I laid on the floor in tears. husband wasn't here to help me get up. At first I called out for him & forgot that he wasn't here. He's supposed to be here, you know?

You just forget some days. You just forget.

And then when you remember, it throws you into a spiral. So sorry you fell. So sorry your husband passed away. I wish you gentle days ahead and a bit of peace and comfort.

Love,
Lia

 

[gottaloveem]

.
I just want to crawl back in bed; want the world to let me alone.

So take a day and go for it.
((((HUGS))))

Love,
Lia

 

[Shari]

So I'm reading this, tears in my eyes for you, and trying to think what to say that isn't in the list of things not to say.
***
And I don't know what to say.
***
I didn't cry when old yellar died, I didn't cry at the end of Titanic. I only cried during Steel Magnolias because I was highly intoxicated when I watched it at 2am. But stories on this board can bring tears to my eyes regularly. I can identify with the people on this board, and their stories, even without much detail. I can relate and I hurt for you.
***
You're not a saint. You're not a hero. You're not particularly strong. You are an average human being who has been thrown into the trenches of hell, yet you push on.
***
And for what teeny little bit its worth, every day that you, and others, push on helps to inspire me to do the same.
***
I so wish there was something I could do or say to make your hurt go away. I can't, so please just know that I care.

 

[Steely]

So I'm reading this, tears in my eyes for you, and trying to think what to say that isn't in the list of things not to say.
***
And I don't know what to say.
***
I didn't cry when old yellar died, I didn't cry at the end of Titanic. I only cried during Steel Magnolias because I was highly intoxicated when I watched it at 2am. But stories on this board can bring tears to my eyes regularly. I can identify with the people on this board, and their stories, even without much detail. I can relate and I hurt for you.

Really well said Shari. Really well said. We all feel each others pain here, in a way, that not many other groups of people can or do. We truly care here, and it blows me away.

Linda I am sending more hugs and strength your way sweetie. A sprained wrist, really, really hurts. I am glad they are getting you some in home help.

I agree, the way this all happened with husband after all you have been through - is breathtakingly sad, and angering - equally. It must be like living in a spiral.

Take as many days as you need to not come out from under the covers. Your soul will eventually rally and you will want to come out, for now, it may just be what you need. Give yourself that permission.