Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Seeking Peace, Aug 27, 2015.
Just a hard day...feeling sad. Grieving the relationship I've never had with my daughter.
I'm sorry you are having a down day. Grieving is a process and a necessary one in order to move on. Embrace the emotions, feel them. I went through this with my son. The pain we feel is testimony to the love we have for them.
We grieve the loss of a relationship we wish we could have had but the love we have for them never leaves us.
I learned so much about the grieving process when my mom died and that helped me when it came to my son.
((HUGS)) for you hurting heart.
Seeking Peace, just know you are not alone. We understand and we are here with you. Let your feelings flow. They will flow through you and you will come to the other side of them. Warm hugs tonight.
Seeking peace, I understand how you are feeling. I felt that a lot with my daughter too. She and I are creating a new connection now. It doesn't look at all like the one I thought we would have, but, it is the one that is available for us and it is actually evolving into something I am cherishing.
Hang in there. We often have to let go of how we thought it was going to be and grieve that...... and open up to learn and to accept how it is.
My hubby has had to come to terms with the fact that he may never have the kind of relationship most people expect to have with their adult kids.
Sometimes we have to adjust our expectations and take what is, not what we wish it would be.
We are still going through the process.
The busier I am the easier my days are. Sitting idle with myself is the most difficult.
Hugs. I understand how you feel. I agree with keeping busy, it helps but in the quiet times it's a struggle. Grieving is a process, at times an ugly one but this too shall pass.
Sadly, it is when my child seems to fall of the face of the earth that I feel so anxious and lost. I'm slowly accepting what I imagined my relationship with my daughter to be, will never be. So happy to have SOMETHING. Some connection, even if unhealthy.
What started it this time was a coworker asked how she was doing. My new generic answer is she's living her life, doing her own thing. They asked if she was living at home, where she was living, how she was surviving....like they just couldn't wrap their mind around her not being safe at home, in school, or working...like MOST 20 year olds. Just made the waves a little rougher to get over. Feel like I'm floating endlessly in the ocean far from land.
Seeking Peace, I can relate to your sadness and pain
I've had a rough week with my only child (adult daughter) this week too. I miss the relationship we once had. I go back and forth between being so sad, and so angry with her. Breaks my heart to see the choices she makes (especially when it comes to her kids). I'm truly concerned about that generation as a whole.
I am thankful for this group. I come here almost every day.... just to feel half way normal.
I think we all relate.
I expected a different relationship. Heck, I expected a different child. I think about him as a little boy, MY little boy. He was quiet and never one of those giggly kids...but he was sweet. He loved me - loved to snuggle, loved to read, loved to have me sing to him. I expected him to grow up and go to college and get some job that made him happy. I expected to have him bring his friends around and to have a bunch of guys hanging out in our basement. (Guess I got that for a little while...but not for long and not the ones I expected.) I expected him to come home from college with bags of laundry and eat me out of house and home and spend time with us in the summers and holidays and eventually introduce us to girls. I didn't expect him to get stoned and steal and flunk and lie and basically show us no respect. I never expected to kick him out of my home and to find more peace when he is gone...but always with that nagging little pain in the back of my heart.
These things are so hard.
BIG group hug!!!!!
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