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General Parenting
hard on my difficult child?!?!?
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<blockquote data-quote="C.J." data-source="post: 69867" data-attributes="member: 1987"><p>It took several years for my parents to see that N* had a problem. I, too, was told I was too strict, not strict enough, blah, blah, blah. For the most part, my family leaves me alone about discipline and reasonable house rules. While N* was in Residential Treatment Center (RTC), one of the therapists told me that N* told her that MY behavior was so outrageous that N* felt she couldnt breathe. I was told to relax some of the rules, change my style of parenting, or N* would be forever lost to me. I ruminated on that for about 24 hours. I talked to my mom, who gave me another insight. She asked me how N* was doing at Residential Treatment Center (RTC). She wasnt following rules, was on No Privileges status. She asked me what THEY were doing wrong. WOW!!</p><p></p><p>So, at my next appointment at Residential Treatment Center (RTC), I met with the therapist and N*s case manager, and they went on and on about what was wrong with me. I let them dig in really deep. When it was my turn, I asked them if they thought they had reasonable rules and reasonable expectations for the children in their care. Why yes of course we do. I then asked if they thought they had reasonable disciplinary actions and consequences for non-compliance. Why yes of course we do. I then re-worded my moms question .If youre so much better at it than I am, and you outnumber me at least 20 to 1, what are you doing wrong? Why isnt N* complying with YOUR rules and expectations? I remember telling you when I sat down for two hours going over paperwork at intake that N*s biggest problem was accepting reasonable authority in her life. We all live with it, and the sooner N* accepts that rules are in place for all of us in a civilized society, SHE will do much better.</p><p></p><p>Shes been at home since the middle of July, and while things arent perfect, she appreciates what home has to offer. </p><p></p><p>Sharing your pain and frustration here with others who walk in the same shoes shows that youre doing everything you can to help both yourself and your child.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="C.J., post: 69867, member: 1987"] It took several years for my parents to see that N* had a problem. I, too, was told I was too strict, not strict enough, blah, blah, blah. For the most part, my family leaves me alone about discipline and reasonable house rules. While N* was in Residential Treatment Center (RTC), one of the therapists told me that N* told her that MY behavior was so outrageous that N* felt she couldnt breathe. I was told to relax some of the rules, change my style of parenting, or N* would be forever lost to me. I ruminated on that for about 24 hours. I talked to my mom, who gave me another insight. She asked me how N* was doing at Residential Treatment Center (RTC). She wasnt following rules, was on No Privileges status. She asked me what THEY were doing wrong. WOW!! So, at my next appointment at Residential Treatment Center (RTC), I met with the therapist and N*s case manager, and they went on and on about what was wrong with me. I let them dig in really deep. When it was my turn, I asked them if they thought they had reasonable rules and reasonable expectations for the children in their care. Why yes of course we do. I then asked if they thought they had reasonable disciplinary actions and consequences for non-compliance. Why yes of course we do. I then re-worded my moms question .If youre so much better at it than I am, and you outnumber me at least 20 to 1, what are you doing wrong? Why isnt N* complying with YOUR rules and expectations? I remember telling you when I sat down for two hours going over paperwork at intake that N*s biggest problem was accepting reasonable authority in her life. We all live with it, and the sooner N* accepts that rules are in place for all of us in a civilized society, SHE will do much better. Shes been at home since the middle of July, and while things arent perfect, she appreciates what home has to offer. Sharing your pain and frustration here with others who walk in the same shoes shows that youre doing everything you can to help both yourself and your child. [/QUOTE]
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