hi i'm hurting. it's day 8 and i couldnt' sleep last night even though i walked out of here after 2 days in hospital and was mentally and physically exhausted yet i woke up 3 times, got 4 hours of sleep in total. i know why because doctor's are stating their approach is changing. my anxiety hits and i dont' even realize it. amazing how i never had anxiety before i had difficult child. it is absolutely amazing to me. i wake up on the verge of a panic attack that whole total seperation thing where i am who am i ****. it's horrible. i keep telling myself there are worse kids here she'll get better you can do this. i know i can yet i'm weak today weekend was hard. it's hard with-o her in therapy she's still going to me wtih all of it and it eats me up inside her words self hate loathing anger. fact it's a slow slow crawl and her bodies so slowly getting better. she did such damage to it. so i have therapy today, i go to the chapel with-difficult child each day and we sit there together in the quiet. thought might be good for her. i'm basically surviving out here. i get up shower get coffee in hospital for day. fight her to take a break to eat quick than back up i go. than i'm here from 8 to 9 p.m. than i fight to leave than i sit in car totally spaced out smoke one cigarette and than go back to place and try to sleep. each days the same. inbetween i run to do laundry for her at the place. i'm miserable. found a meditation class for wed night i may go to yet dont wanna spend alot of money here. we'll c. cant take walks outside because it rains pours everyday. no one to talk to and we all know how much i love to talk lol. i ask the higher up's for strength everyday a diff perspective on it its' really not a terrible thing kids here are fighting for their lives. yet some days are good and some days are like today. where i just need a hug a good talk with someone and some rest.