hard so hard

[Marguerite]

I'm glad the support group was helpful. A point on your daughter's case being different - that actually would not be a problem, because the other families perhaps will benefit form seeing that the spectrum of problems is wider than they realised.

When I mentioned my knitting before - it serves many purposes. I often found when I was feeling particularly edgy or stressed, there was no way I could concentrate on a book or even a magazine. My eyes would scan across the words but nothing would sink in. Knitting (and I am not an expert, I struggle to knit but finished a very large blanket before Christmas!) gives my hands something to do, which helps use up some of the adrenalin charging around my body and which otherwise is sending my anxiety levels up. But it has another really good effect - it makes you LOOK as if you are calm and purposeful. You can knit while you sit by your daughter. You look relaxed and patient. Your daughter's anxiety should reduce ("Mom is calm, she's knitting") and in return, yours also. Doctors/nurses also see you as someone in control and calm, and treat you accordingly.

It's like wearing your own camouflage. It feeds into a positive feedback loop - the calmer you look, the more people treat you as calm, the better you feel and the better your daughter feels. And it keeps feeding round and round, boosting higher.

So what if your knitting end-result looks like a tangled mess? And you never know - you might get good at it.

Since I began doing this (and I do most of it while waiting, especially while I was waiting at the Cancer Centre) I have knitted a large blanket (as I said - I gave it to a family whose baby son is about to get a donor kidney from dad); three aran knit tea cosies which I donated to be raffled by a local charity; one aran knit tea cosy which I gave to my sister-in-law for her birthday. I knitted the blanket in squares (Wrapped With Love have good instructions on the internet) and sewed the squares together. As I got more confident as a knitter, I made the squares a little more challenging - knitting a cable in one, three of them I knitted a heart in (my first one looks more like a blob) and used leftover scraps to knit a stripey square too.
And now I'm about to get a bit more adventurous. I'm knitting a child's jumper with a panda bear on it (multi-coloured pattern from a book I was given) and it could be beyond me. I don't know a child I can give it to. At my rate, I will be able to give it to a grandchild, even though none of my kids is pregnant yet.

I knit using circular needles because it is easier for my weak muscles. I don't knit full round, I just knit from one side to the other, then back again as normal). But circular needle knitting packs into your bag more easily (no long needles sticking out and snagging on things) and also I can pack it away in my bag instantly, mid-row if I have to.

Or there's crochet - that's something else you can put down instantly (say, when the doctor shows up doing his rounds).

People see me knitting in stressful situations and wonder how I can be so calm. But I'm not - I'm knitting because I'm NOT calm!

A funny story - I had a meeting to go to lat Wednesday, I knew it was going to be stressful and upsetting, so I took my knitting. I knew if I was actually knitting then I could make a lot of mistakes, the meeting was going to be so heated. And it was. So I organised my knitting so I was actually sewing pieces together (another tea cosy) through the meeting. And you know what? I was so tense, I sewed up the tea cosy without leaving any holes for the handle and the spout! I had to unpick part of it the next night! But it worked - at the meeting, they all thought I was calm. I needed them to think that.

Marg

 

[Jena]

linda tha'Tourette's Syndrome soo funny and soo true. the therapist today said to me what is it you need right now at this very moment?? hmm without hesitation i said a really huge frozen margarita, difficult child to eat, my husband or a friend, and a nap. she laughed and said now that isnt' alot Occupational Therapist (OT) ask for is it?

i said to her i think i make my life harder with the choices i make. she said how? i said well honestly husband let's face it i come with-alot yet he does too and his "alot" wont' lessen ever, whereas god willing my "difficult child alot" will recover. i said he's a good guy always there yet still it brings alot of aggrivation his ex, his daughter the older nasty one his family and his quirky stuff which truly gets me. i said i got a huge dog a year ago from a shelter, why did i do that? i said companionship weekends difficult child is at dad's because husband always works, a friend la la la etc. blah blah. i said im so shot at home depot i buy the plants that are on half sale due to the fact their dying my little garden is like a difficult child garden lol.

she said you always put everyone and everything else first. right now is hard and your ok it's just real stressful. she said yet you dont' even know how to give to you. i said what?? huh..? come again???

final words for tonight. popping my xanax now. thanks again all of u!!!

 

[DammitJanet]

When I was at my very worst I took up crocheting. I have literally forgotten how. The group I am supposed to be going to has decided that we are going to be crocheting blankets or scarves. Well that just isnt going over well for me because I never could crochet a straight line anyway. All I could ever crochet was granny squares to begin with and they want me to do straight single or double stitched blankets or scarves. I am just about useless at that because I cant follow a pattern for anything and I cant count and talk at all and when I made my huge granny square blanket it was just one huge square. That really isnt what they were looking for. So I am frustrated with it all and basically gave up. I have since sent in a I quit email to the group leader...my old therapist. I sent it fairly late Friday afternoon and they didnt work yesterday so I am expecting a WTH??? Email or phone call sometime today or tomorrow. She isnt happy with me right now anyway.

But my point is, if you can something to do with your hands...like Marg suggested, it may help right now. Hey...remember those old felt pictures that you colored in with markers? I bet those would be fun. I may take them up. They have such neat markers these days.

 

[HaoZi]

I used to crochet without the needle from watching my grandma. I never could make anything but a long chain. I'd braid those, then braid the braids, into a rope or scarf-like thing. Most I ever could do with it. Squares are beyond me.

 

[DDD]

I don't know how to knit, tat or sew. Actually I've never been interested in it. Years ago when GFGmom was causing me excess stress I went to a knit shop and asked "what is there I can do that is easy enough for an ignorant to do?" The lady laughed and then she sold me bargelo (or something like that name, lol). It's like a piece of holed mesh and you just go in and out with the yarn. I could handle that. It gave me something to do that took only a little attention but kept me from hyperfocusing on my difficult child. It was cheap. It was not pretty when I was through...to say the least. It helped me. DDD

 

[Lothlorien]

Many (((((hugs))))).

Look up crochet on youtube. I could only make blankets with a simple double stitch (very boring after a while). I've learned a bunch of new stitches and I'm having fun with it. It is very therapeutic. I'm making a prayer shawl for my mother in law right now. Perhaps that's the way to go. As you crochet, you say prayers. You can pray for your daughter and at the same time, pray for yourself for peace and help with your anxiety. Trust me, it is very calming.

When I'm not doing a prayer shawl, I'm listening to an audiobook while crocheting. You might want to hit up the local library and get a card. You can download audiobooks from the library's website. (if you have a library card from home, you can go on that website).

As far as walking for exercise, go to the mall in the morning. Most malls have walkers in the morning, before the stores open.

 

[Jena]

your all sooo cute with the crocheting knitting etc. i have never had any interest i'm sorry that's just me. i love to paint, i've done some of that with difficult child, i did tie dye with all the kids in the unit yesterday day before i did some other art activity with them. their all so beautiful they come in with their chemo lines hooked up hair falling out and smiling faces.

those are the true warriors i'm noticing. nothiing gets them down

heading to mall today to go see if i can find a cheap rain jacket walk around a little. once difficult child's in day unit i'm going to look for pt job here doing something besides writing my book.

 

[Marguerite]

If you love to paint, then take a sketch pad with you. A small one. I got myself a special oil paint sketch pad and I'm teaching myself how to paint in oils. Obviously it's not easy to actually get out the oil paints while you are waiting around, but what about watercolour pencils? You can use a glass of water to wet the pencil, or you can draw on the page then use a brush on the pencil lines to get different effects. Easy to carry in your pocket, and if you can create something beautiful while you wait... You could try drawing a flower, there are bound to be flowers around somewhere, even if they're just a picture on the wall. Or a beach scene. Or a family pet drawn form a photo. Or your daughter's face. Or one of the staff.

Me, I also write. I take a small notebook with me and in the same way a person might sketch a scene, I use words to do the same. I sometimes study a person, or a car (and contents) to analyse what sort of person they might be. What do they think? What sort of things do they like? Where are they from? Who is in their family? And at some stage, a story grows.

It's all individual. You find what fits for you and work from there. But you do something, at whatever level you can. It keeps your hands busy, it helps give your mind a sense of direction, and it makes other people think you are calm. Amazing, how that can help you, for other people to feel calmer around you!

Marg

 

[Jena]

hi thanks. i'm calm. went to mall today it's pouring out here again. it's huge! 4 levels ice skating rink in middle totally wild and super super expensive. just bought difficult child a larger sweatpants, socks and two tank tops. i was going to get me boots, and a rain coat. yet no way i am paying those prices.

she did school today. so im just hanging out. my easy child doesnt' work in my room anymore why I don't know but it's not doing well there. so when i go back at night i just sit there. which bites.

 

[DDD]

My only peer friend is an artist. She participated in local shows for years. Her precious granddaughter quickly went from perfect to a string of letters which about broke my friend's spirit as she had been her babysitter for her first three years.
Anyway.....yes, there is a point to this, lol....she took a sculpture and ceramics course at the local community college and found that working with her hands was fun and therapeutic. When alone and angry she could smash the clay and noone saw her outbursts. When she was feeling up she chose a genre and has had success selling them (seahorses). So there are many avenues of the arts you might explore. There are also a wealth of inexpensive art classes almost everywhere.

Maybe a course in drawing nudes! DDD

 

[DammitJanet]

Our Walmart here has their winter boots on sale now so Im betting probably most places do. Check a walmart for boots and jackets.

 

[Jena]

yea its a bit away's from here. yet i'll find one. i found a pair for like 50 at marshall's yet i'm so cheap now that i'm far from home i count every penny just nervous to run out of cash. husband was like just buy them. as difficult child grows she'll need larger clothes. i already went today and got her sweats. she gained 4 pounds since there. i dont' even wanna talk about what her weight was on admit. omg is all i can say. she burned alot of calories on the trip out

 

[susiestar]

Jen, check out community art studios, centers, projects in Portland. Friends have told me that there is a LOT available for those interested in art who are in that area. If nothing else, find one of those places that lets you paint your own ceramic things and then fires them for you. Do a coffee mug to use, or work on plain ceramic tiles. Once fired you can use them for gifts - as coasters or trivets if they are glazed to withstand heat and have a bit of felt glued onto the backs, or even to customize an area in your home.

A pad and watercolor pencils would be AWESOME and maybe you should do a book about the anxiety monster (see other posts where I suggested seeing anxiety as a monster and difficult child as a superhero fighting it). I bet you could make an AWESOME comic book if you put your mind to it. Heck, DOODLE. Remember doing that as a kid in class?

I am sorry your easy child doesn't work in your room. Is it the internet that is not working? Why not get a book on kindle (often cheapest that way except for used) and read it on the easy child, or listen to an audiobook?

 

[TerryJ2]

Maybe a course in drawing nudes! DDD

Would Raul pose?

 

[TerryJ2]

Jena, your talk with-the therapist sounds a lot like mine. Yrs ago, when I'd gotten myself in too deep, I said, "I think my problem is 'small brains, big heart.'" She laughed and said, "I didn't say it, but I'll agree!"
She had some very practical advice, very little of which I followed: Get rid of the dog, send the student back to S. America, resign from Rotary Club ... you get the idea.
Eventually, the student and Rotary went away, which really, really helped.
I trained the dog with-the help of a prong choke (saved her life, actually, because I was going to put her down), and my work with-her actually had a positive influence on my attitude toward my son: some things or people cannot change, so you work with-what you've got, don't expose them to situations you know won't work, and keep a tight leash on them! LOL!

 

[DDD]

Alas, I have no current knowledge of Raul. His Dad and I broke up a few years ago and you know how that goes. DDD

 

[Jena]

lol. my thing will be riding. found a cheap place. know how to ride yet i'm going to take lessons because right now due to the extreme flooding in the area trail rides are out. horses are my passion going to go with what works. i've found a few families to help at the ronald mcdonald house.

so that helps helping people. a mom trying to raise money for her kids kidney transplant. so i sent husband a picture of family and he's going to collect monies on his end so that this kid can get the surgery done. maybe run a support group at the house for parents and at the same time get my nails done. keep taking my hot bubble baths, writing my book. gotta make good come fromt his hell somehow someway

they switched interent providers i will no longer get internet in my rm.

 

[TerryJ2]

Sorry about the Internet. Time for the library or Starbucks?

 

[Jena]

ha ha they aren't open that late. it was kinda how i fell asleep my routine at night. id' go watch some shows i like and than taper off. now im just down to you guys lol because i get this site on it and a xanax