It has been a heartbreaking week here. A student at teen's HS committed suicide last weekend and a woman in oldest's program passed away on Monday. Neither boy can/will discuss with- me - teen because he's a teen, and oldest because he can't. Oldest is just shy of inconsolable. He hasn't cried in I don't know how long, and he's crying off and on this evening (they were told today). I don't often get frustrated by his disability, but I am this evening. It's unfair that he has the ability to understand like any 21-year-old but is completely unable to meaningfully express himself. I don't know what to do for him other than to tell him how sorry I am, remind him of what a gift A. was, how she loved the program and loved to laugh (which I'm gathering from the note sent home, since he can't tell me what goes on at his program), and how it's okay and appropriate to be sad but that it will fade and he will remember only the good times someday. I finally just had husband put him in my lap tonight so I could hold him (and let me just say, it's rather difficult to hold him anymore - I should probably sit in *his* lap!!). I just didn't know what else to do. Given his obvious understanding of this, I'm wondering if I should take him to the service.... I'm sure he will be upset (meaning loud) at the service, but... I don't know. Part of not wanting to go is selfish on my part - it's an uncomfortable reminder of how fragile he is as well.
Wee is harder, if that's possible. The young man was well liked, a superb student, an athlete, and apparently gave absolutely no hint to anyone at all that he was in trouble. Wee didn't know him, but I have to wonder if he knew who he was. It's a big HS but it is also very tight-knit. Wee is not terribly social but ... I think he's a lot more aware than he wants me to know. Like his father, he abhores talking about feelings. But like his mother, I think he's prone to depression. I just worry about him. How do you talk to a kid (non difficult child) about suicide? I did ask him today how he was doing. He shrugged nonchalantly and said "fine". I asked how he was dealing with- the grief that must be pretty evident in school. Shrug. I asked if any of the teachers had talked with- them about it (B. was a senior and I know that they did talk to sr. class on Mon, had a mass for him). He said "not really". In Wee-speak, that most probably means "shut up already, Mom". It's so hard to get a read on him - he's a good kid, very loving, but I think there's a great deal that goes on in his head that he doesn't share, which I guess is perfectly normal for a 15-year-old, but on the other hand... it makes me nervous, especially this week.
I hope I get a flash of wisdom here soon.
Wee is harder, if that's possible. The young man was well liked, a superb student, an athlete, and apparently gave absolutely no hint to anyone at all that he was in trouble. Wee didn't know him, but I have to wonder if he knew who he was. It's a big HS but it is also very tight-knit. Wee is not terribly social but ... I think he's a lot more aware than he wants me to know. Like his father, he abhores talking about feelings. But like his mother, I think he's prone to depression. I just worry about him. How do you talk to a kid (non difficult child) about suicide? I did ask him today how he was doing. He shrugged nonchalantly and said "fine". I asked how he was dealing with- the grief that must be pretty evident in school. Shrug. I asked if any of the teachers had talked with- them about it (B. was a senior and I know that they did talk to sr. class on Mon, had a mass for him). He said "not really". In Wee-speak, that most probably means "shut up already, Mom". It's so hard to get a read on him - he's a good kid, very loving, but I think there's a great deal that goes on in his head that he doesn't share, which I guess is perfectly normal for a 15-year-old, but on the other hand... it makes me nervous, especially this week.
I hope I get a flash of wisdom here soon.
