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Substance Abuse
Harsh words and a tough order-how do we play this?
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<blockquote data-quote="Ephchap" data-source="post: 22095" data-attributes="member: 27"><p>CA Mom,</p><p></p><p>I too am amazed that things haven't changed much. Sending gifts? Visiting every other weekend? </p><p></p><p>Sorry, I don't understand it either. I know that everyone is different and everyone has to do what they can live with, but that's waaaaaaaay too much enabling - enabling the behavior that got him there in the first place, in my humble opinion.</p><p></p><p>What to say when he asks those things? Simple. As Suz said, "Do to get". He needs to come through and earn something on his own, without mommy and daddy doing it for him. He's a big boy - he's 17. No more babying, showering with gifts he did nothing to deserve.</p><p></p><p>Sounds like tough love, I know. I'm not saying it's easy, and I'm not saying those things to hurt your feelings. I'm only saying what needs to happen so that he will start making change. Until he starts to want to change and to make the changes within himself and through his actions, you and your husband can't "make" him change. Visiting and sending him gifts for bad behavior is like rewarding an alcoholic with "just one drink". Sorry, it's enabling.</p><p></p><p>I hope you take this for what it is - well intentioned suggestions from the heart. </p><p></p><p>Sending hugs. I know it's hard to sit back and hope they turn things around.</p><p>Deb</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Ephchap, post: 22095, member: 27"] CA Mom, I too am amazed that things haven't changed much. Sending gifts? Visiting every other weekend? Sorry, I don't understand it either. I know that everyone is different and everyone has to do what they can live with, but that's waaaaaaaay too much enabling - enabling the behavior that got him there in the first place, in my humble opinion. What to say when he asks those things? Simple. As Suz said, "Do to get". He needs to come through and earn something on his own, without mommy and daddy doing it for him. He's a big boy - he's 17. No more babying, showering with gifts he did nothing to deserve. Sounds like tough love, I know. I'm not saying it's easy, and I'm not saying those things to hurt your feelings. I'm only saying what needs to happen so that he will start making change. Until he starts to want to change and to make the changes within himself and through his actions, you and your husband can't "make" him change. Visiting and sending him gifts for bad behavior is like rewarding an alcoholic with "just one drink". Sorry, it's enabling. I hope you take this for what it is - well intentioned suggestions from the heart. Sending hugs. I know it's hard to sit back and hope they turn things around. Deb [/QUOTE]
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Harsh words and a tough order-how do we play this?
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