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Substance Abuse
Harsh words and a tough order-how do we play this?
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 22135" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>CAMom,</p><p></p><p>I absolutely totally agree with- Suz's suggested responses. I'd add that it's not a matter of caring more about what easy child wants... it's that *difficult child's* choices have resulted in this placement and your job as a good parent to difficult child is to support the treatment plan. easy child is the expert right now. And if difficult child chooses to get upset, break off contact for a couple of weeks, or act out? Bummer for him. <span style='font-family: Arial Black'><em>It is not your fault!! </em></span>Also, I can't agree enough with- DDD. There's no reason to allow this to turn into a debate. Keep it short and simple. This is what he needs to do, do it or not, *his* choice. Yes, it will affect you but I think right now the focus needs to be on how it will affect *him*. It's hard to do.</p><p></p><p>Let's face it, getting caught smoking is a pretty much bone headed move. Probably in the grand scheme of things it's not a huge offense, but to my eye it's a symptom of that awful difficult child affliction - I-am-above-it-all-itis. It's not the severity of the offense, it's difficult child's unwillingness to comply with- the most basic of rules. And if he's angry with you, or tries to lay on the guilt... well, sheesh. What does this have to do with you at all? Did you give him the cigs? Did you tell him to smoke? How on earth does this apply to you at all? Put it back on his shoulders. </p><p></p><p>My kid has been in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for 6.5 years now. I'm pretty hardened. I don't want to hear about how "unfair" things are, how the program is too hard, how he never gets a "break" from the rigors of Residential Treatment Center (RTC), or how he's learned all he can from the current placement. Work the program honestly. Period. Or don't. But don't call me crying about the consequences because quite frankly, it's out of my hands, has been since thank you's unsafe behaviors made it impossible for him to live here. </p><p></p><p>I'm really sorry that easy child has had to take this step. It's a tough transition to have to go thru. Our kids I think sometimes think that we will continue to rescue them from their choices. At some point, we have to stop, step back, and let the professionals who have more experience do their thing. A gentle hug to you, and a *lot* of strength.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 22135, member: 8"] CAMom, I absolutely totally agree with- Suz's suggested responses. I'd add that it's not a matter of caring more about what easy child wants... it's that *difficult child's* choices have resulted in this placement and your job as a good parent to difficult child is to support the treatment plan. easy child is the expert right now. And if difficult child chooses to get upset, break off contact for a couple of weeks, or act out? Bummer for him. <span style='font-family: Arial Black'>[i]It is not your fault!! [/i]</span>Also, I can't agree enough with- DDD. There's no reason to allow this to turn into a debate. Keep it short and simple. This is what he needs to do, do it or not, *his* choice. Yes, it will affect you but I think right now the focus needs to be on how it will affect *him*. It's hard to do. Let's face it, getting caught smoking is a pretty much bone headed move. Probably in the grand scheme of things it's not a huge offense, but to my eye it's a symptom of that awful difficult child affliction - I-am-above-it-all-itis. It's not the severity of the offense, it's difficult child's unwillingness to comply with- the most basic of rules. And if he's angry with you, or tries to lay on the guilt... well, sheesh. What does this have to do with you at all? Did you give him the cigs? Did you tell him to smoke? How on earth does this apply to you at all? Put it back on his shoulders. My kid has been in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for 6.5 years now. I'm pretty hardened. I don't want to hear about how "unfair" things are, how the program is too hard, how he never gets a "break" from the rigors of Residential Treatment Center (RTC), or how he's learned all he can from the current placement. Work the program honestly. Period. Or don't. But don't call me crying about the consequences because quite frankly, it's out of my hands, has been since thank you's unsafe behaviors made it impossible for him to live here. I'm really sorry that easy child has had to take this step. It's a tough transition to have to go thru. Our kids I think sometimes think that we will continue to rescue them from their choices. At some point, we have to stop, step back, and let the professionals who have more experience do their thing. A gentle hug to you, and a *lot* of strength. [/QUOTE]
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Harsh words and a tough order-how do we play this?
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