Has Anyone Ever Seen Kids Behave as Badly as This

[grgarberii]

I have three children Son 13, Son will be 12 in September, and Daughter 9. All they do is fight non-stop about everything. They refuse to play together, will not help each other. They do not stick up for each other at all. They argue about everything and when I say everything it is no exageration. The boys do not stick up for their sister at all, in fact they treat her like garbage. When it comes to helping around the house they are terrible, they have to be told repeatedly to do any chores they have, they will just drop trash on floor rather than walk a few extra feet to the trash can, their rooms are horrible everyday, even half hour after they clean it spotless(after being told over and over again). They leave their plates and cups laying around. The boys both get into food and drinks that they arent supposed to. I had to put a lock on the pantry, fridge and freezer just to keep them out of them. They wont just take one thing they will take a bunch. Its ridiculous and no form of punishment seems to work. Grounding, taking stuff away, time-out, plain old spanking. None of it works with them they will turn right around and do it again. I am at wits end, I love my kids but they are sending me to an early grave.

 

[svengandhi]

My kids fought like that at those ages. Now that the youngest is 12, it's gotten a bit better. However, difficult child and I went to donate blood today. When I went for my medical, the woman said "Oh, your son donated" and I pointed to difficult child and said yes, there he is. She said no, another one. My oldest (21) had come by to donate and regaled the woman with stories of how annoying his 12 year old brother is! I was so embarrassed!

 

[TeDo]

Mine fight like that ALL the time. They are constantly putting each other down. difficult child is my sloppy one that "throws" the garbage and if it misses, oh well, and he walks away leaving it laying where it landed. Dishes pile up in rooms he's not allowed to eat in no matter how many times I've told him not to eat in there. If I didn't have an obsessive easy child/difficult child, I'd say it's a guy thing.....or an Aspie thing........or.....

 

[BusynMember]

Can you do a signature, like I did below? It will give us a better picture of your family dynamics. Is Dad around to help you out? Are they all biological siblings? Do any of them have special needs?

 

[InsaneCdn]

Hi, and welcome.

Ours used to fight like that... until we got to the bottom of their "real" issues. That only took 10 years... Now both in teens... still fight (most kids do) but "nobody picks on MY sibling (except me)".

It would really help to know more about your situation... what kinds of issues and challenges they may have, how they are doing at school, what left curves life has tossed their way...

 

[grgarberii]

Well to give a little background, I am dad the two boys have the same mom, and my daughters mom has no rights to her at all she lost her at age 3. I have custody of all three. The boys see their mom when it is convient for her. The oldest boy has been diagnosed ADHD. They do fine in school no major problems. My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 6 years she doesnt really discipline them leaves it for me. I have a bad knee and am home fulltime so they arent in any daycare or have a babysitter.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Hmmm... blended family, for starters. Have the three kids been together as a unit since the Daughter was born? Or have things jumped around a lot?

The boys are fairly close in age, which is not an advantage - tends to fuel competition. You can't change that factor, but you can allow for it.

Any drugs or alcohol during the pregnancies? Any history of issues on the mothers' sides? or your side?

On top of all that... have you ever run into the book "The Explosive Child"? It has a different take on these kids, and offers a diferent approach in dealing with them. Might want to give that a read and see if it fits.

 

[hearts and roses]

I STRONGLY urge you, your girlfriend of six years, and the children to see a therapist experienced with blended families. Love alone is not enough. And since your girlfriend has been in the picture for so long and is the only other primary adult in their lives, she does have some sort of parental authority. By blending your family you must realize that the kids are coming into it not only with their own perspectives but possibly the perspective of others, such as exw or her family, etc. I get that kids that ages fight all the time, they're practically feral. However, to mistreat their younger sibs, treat them like garbage is unacceptable. Working with a therapist experienced with your situation would be able to help you be very organized with your punishments and disciplinary methods. By trying several different methods it confuses things, the kids learn that they have exhausted you and possibly outwitted you. You will need to find a method that works for you and girlfriend and then remain consistent-those boys are running your home. You and girlfriend should be the ones running the home. And the children need to learn respect for others, beginning within the family. I know it's a pita to go to a therapist, but honestly, you cannot join four families without expecting chaos-you need a helping hand and since their schooling is not a problem, then focus should be primarily on creating a family home life that is acceptable, loving and nurturing for everyone-you are a team. Your daughter needs to learn that it's unacceptable to be treated badly or she may end up in an abusive relationship later in life. This is serious, I wish you the best and hope you're able to get some help. Reading books is a start, but I really think you need intervention by a professional. Hugs-

 

[BusynMember]

I agree with the family counseling. A lot is going on with those kids and they've all been through a lot of changes. You need professional help (in my opinion) to get your house back in order. The girl knows her mother abandoned her (and it has to hurt) and both boys are dealing with being sort of rejected by Mom and having to accept girlfriend in her place...you could probably all benefit by seeing somebody used to these sort of situations.

Take care

 

[crazymama30]

Mine fight that way. It is horrible. A therapist could be of great help to you. I try to have mine do things apart from each other, that seems to help. I do hate the constant reminders to do chores.