It helped. it reaffirmed what I had already been told in Al Anon and therapy. I was not doing well not even a year ago. Once I decided to do whatever I had to do to help myself, things really improved. That included Al Anon, a therapist, tons of good books, God, my church family, my family, anyone.
I spent my time helping me, not her. I got a new perspective and am much healthier and happier.
Books plus other steps to work on OUR recovery from our loss and pain and grief saved my once pathetic life.
Do what you need to do to heal yourself. This is not fun but we can make it.
Thank you. I am so thankful for God and His presence in my life. I know none of this has taken Him by surprise. He knew this would happen when He brought Joshua to us to adopt, although we couldn't have imagined that things would turn out this way. Once the holidays are over, I need to look into Al Anon. Although Josh's pot/alcohol use has not affected me, I come from a family where there was alcoholism so I know that I have learned responses consistent with coping with that--I'm a big enabler/rescuer. I have seen a therapist a few times, with some help from that, but not as much as I would like. I haven't read "Done With Crying" but I have checked out her website and the articles and forum there, which has been helpful.
Beta, Joshua's mean words affect you and behavior are part of substance abuse. And you are affected emotionally when he gets into trouble because of how much you love him. Addiction is a family disease. Everyone is mentally involved when a loved one suffers from this evil disease.
I think you would find Al Anon comforting and you only speak if you like.you can just listen. I was afraid to go at first. I didn't want to tell Kay's story out loud to strangers. In due time I shared what I felt safe sharing and was never judged. And in time nobody there was a stranger.
I was told to give the group six times before I thought of not going back. Well, I did and the rest is history.
This disease, which hurts us all so much, is in my opinion impossible to do alone. Maybe not impossible but I would say most can not do it without the support of people who understand. Most do not.get it. And isolating is in my opinion a very bad idea leading to ruminating over our addict And our own deterioration.
Pot. The CDC says that pot can be addictive and harm the brain and I have seen it with Kay. Pot has caused many brain problems with her...memory deficits, strange thinking, meanness.
Do whatever you must for YOUR recovery, not his. We can't do anything for them but there are resources out there that we can use for us.
If we want our sick loved one to seek help, why would WE not seek help? If we don't do it, why should they?
At any rate, maybe try Al Anon six times like I did. You never know!
Yes, I have. I didn't feel like it was useful for me and my situation as the parent of a 41 y/o alcoholic, gambling addicted, unemployed, homeless Difficult Child. Sorry I can't give you a better review.
"Beta, Joshua's mean words affect you and behavior are part of substance abuse. And you are affected emotionally when he gets into trouble because of how much you love him. Addiction is a family disease. Everyone is mentally involved when a loved one suffers from this evil disease."
My quote function isn't working right. Busy, thank you for your encouragement. I don't have firsthand knowledge that Josh is using pot and alcohol; I only have what my sister told me HE told her and her husband and what they observed. If this is true, it is only something he has been doing over the last couple of years. He did not use drugs previously before he moved to Colorado, and he did not drink while living in our home the couple of times he moved back to live with us. So anyway, I wasn't sure if I "qualified" to attend Al Anon based on his (alleged) drug use. I live in rural Midwest so finding things like Al Anon can be difficult but after the holidays, I will give it a try again.
His mean words (and very threatening words) have definitely affected me. In fact, I feel like what I suppose an abuse victim might feel, albeit maybe not as severely. I have stepped back from him right now after his latest abusive messages.