Well I'm a vote FOR therapy, but with the right therapist.
Over the years we've tried to stay CONSISTANT which is a word that is forever engrained on my brain regarding difficult child's. Imagine my surprise and disappointment after 10 years of therapy and counseling with difficult child to be told - it's a waste of my time.
Fact is - if therapy is going to work a few things have to come together in the recipe for success. And not all have to be strong, in my humble opinion but they have to be there.
The first would be a therapist you trust and that you feel speaks your same language as a parent. People are different as night and day so a therapist I would recommend to you may not be someone you see eye to eye with or have the same goals and values that you would. We have had SEVERAL (too many to count) over the last 12 years, and psychologists, and counselors, and MLSW's, and psychiatrists and some I liked some, I detested from the get go, some were seemingly good but not invested and would quit, move, move up in status leaving clients behind, change careers (I actually get that logic) or grow weary waiting for a pension. So finding someone you feel comfy with and that you trust is important.
Next would be - the length of time you plan to invest in CBT (cognitive behavior therapy). In my mind when we started (laughing at it now) I thought - Okay - find a counselor, go for hmmm 3 months should OVER do it actually, and then we'll all be dandy fine, keen, swell....NOT. Depending on the severity of your childs emotional disability - it can take YEARS and I'm talking start at 4, 5 or 6 with play therapy and WORK each week with a trained clinical psychologist who understands and has gotten to know your child - with our son we're on year 12, and JUST STARTING to see some improvement. Trying to jump in and treat someone you don't know or offer suggestions for emotional management is like frosting the bottom of a cake pan. It would be there - but....
So time is an important factor, and things change. Plus you have to figure that this person is not living with your child - they get at best 45 minutes or less a week to watch, observe, and formulate treatment. It's not one size fits all. If it were - everyone would have the same kid as I do and we'd all likely be in a nut house. So figuring 1 hour a week or 2 like you said you all go for family therapy (WHICH I APPLAUD YOU) because when we had 1 hour with Dude's time - I spent 40 minutes going on and on to the doctor about YOU HAVE NO IDEA, YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS STORY, ALL WEEK HE'S HYPER, LYING, STEALING...and little got solved. So it was suggested we take an extra hour - sometimes back to back - sometimes different days. But it helped ME and DF like nothing else. Cross my little heart....it was the best relationship saver. Because it was like - the secret society of HOW ARE WE going to GET ONE OVER and stay ONE STEP AHEAD???? I loved those meetings. It was nice just to blow it out my nose or talk about nothing sometimes other than current events - but it gave the doctor the opportunity to meet with us, and evaluate the stress levels in our home, which was helpful when Dude needed to be placed outside our home or got into trouble. It was like a SAFE house in theory. Nothing I said went any further - even when I said "I can't stand my own son." It went no further.
The other key to good therapy is finding the KIND of therapy that works for behavior changes. There are several types out there, some therapists/psychologists practice them but we found that Cognitive Behavior Therapy LONG TERM - like until maybe Dude is 25 years old. It's the only thing that Dude feels out of ALL the other things we did that has helped. And belive me - in the beginning? WE HAD TO LITERALLY PUT HIM IN THE CAR. He HATED going to see the doctor. But once we got him there - it was explained that he has to be willing to participate. YOU have a good handle on that with your kid. THe other benefit of going every week - is that it creates a habit - a GOOD habit. It took 2 years of shoving him in a car, arguing and saying YOU ARE GOING....to get him to the place where he just got in the car. And a lot of times - since I'm not smarter than the psychiatrist - he would dissarm Dude and they actually would have a FANTASTIC session and we'd chit chat all the way home with Dude in a good mood. More times than not that was the case. Some parents dont' feel like pushing or forcing kids to go - and that's their choice. I don't make any bones about it. But for us? It was that ONE THING that BY GOD I was going to be the parent and YOU ARE GOING....eventually like I said - 2 years of struggle paid off because he finally said 'ARE we going to Dr. X tonight?" and I'd say "yeap." and He would say "Just like every Thursday." So it created a touch stone for Dude - a pattern if you will, something he could count on - and as lame as that sounds - he eventually started planning how or what he wanted to tell the doctor ahead of time - so it was win win - it set him up to succeed and he didn't even know it.
Each meeting I kept a note book of the weeks events so I wouldnt' forget and just got into a habit of handing it to the doctor. Then he'd know which way to go with Dude. With us - we were trying to overcome hideous abuse. Both Dude and I were abused by my x. And there are some places that they just didn't go back to in therapy - but I was told to think of therapy like a pastry dough. You have to peel back layers of bad behavior and skewed thinking/logic, and self coping skills before you can actually start to work on and deal with things. And that can take years to chance.
If you get a chance or care to understand more - I suggest reading Mapping - by Wilton Hellams, Ph.d - it is a fascinating look at the brain of a person like our kids and what it takes to fix it and how long to plan for something to repair. It blew me away really. I think that man is a genius.
I hope this helps.
Hugs
Star
oh and a ps. My DF who is about as free-will and wild as they came pshawed the family therapy for nearly a year. And I'm talking 'hard core' don't talk about your feelings man. - the 2nd year - he went with us and after the first visit - he never missed another appointment. He understood that it is the whole family that is affected by the behaviors in the house and not JUST the kid - how we feel we are treated as parents, our expectations, emotions are ALL part of the house. After therapy I can tell you there was a MARKED improvement in how we (parents) handled Dude. (secret society club info.) to the rescue. The more we handled things in a way that got little to NO reaction from Dude? The better off WE were and the MORE Dude talked to the therapist about his parents who "didn't care" in other words - he was getting no reaction from us - but we had to learn how, and in order to do that? We went to more therapy. (Still call it date night)