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Family of Origin
Hate...what is it?
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 667963" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>To me, true hatred has to do with jealousy turned pathologic. Jealousy in the sense that we are not enough, that something was taken (or left us), not because the relationship had changed or the time was over, we because we are not enough in some way that connects into everything in our lives. In that sense, hatred is an impersonal thing. It has nothing to do with the person hated, and everything to do with the person hating. </p><p></p><p>It has to do with shame.</p><p></p><p>It has to do with a kind of loneliness and hurt impossible to understand.</p><p></p><p>I think that is true.</p><p></p><p>I think that if we are truly hated (and it could be that our sisters do, not just resent, but hate us), we will never recover that relationship. I think it would not matter whether we hated back or loved back or were indifferent. Not to sound too dorky here, but I really do believe love comes first, comes as the default option. Hatred is hurt into someone.</p><p></p><p>Shame has its place in the evolution of hatred and jealousy and anger. If we can't work through it, it festers into hatred, I think.</p><p></p><p>No one wins, and I think love cannot touch it, when someone hates us. Or when we hate someone. I think I have not hated, yet. I have been shamed, and I am crazy angry over the shunning and the other things that have happened. </p><p></p><p>Or maybe, I am hating all the time, and it feels normal to me. But I think there is a real difference between anger and the lust of vengeance and hatred.</p><p></p><p>Maybe, for me, hatred is that lust of vengeance feeling. A feeling all mixed up with shame and loss and grief and guilt and fear and hurt.</p><p></p><p>So, if it is, then I have hated.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 667963, member: 17461"] To me, true hatred has to do with jealousy turned pathologic. Jealousy in the sense that we are not enough, that something was taken (or left us), not because the relationship had changed or the time was over, we because we are not enough in some way that connects into everything in our lives. In that sense, hatred is an impersonal thing. It has nothing to do with the person hated, and everything to do with the person hating. It has to do with shame. It has to do with a kind of loneliness and hurt impossible to understand. I think that is true. I think that if we are truly hated (and it could be that our sisters do, not just resent, but hate us), we will never recover that relationship. I think it would not matter whether we hated back or loved back or were indifferent. Not to sound too dorky here, but I really do believe love comes first, comes as the default option. Hatred is hurt into someone. Shame has its place in the evolution of hatred and jealousy and anger. If we can't work through it, it festers into hatred, I think. No one wins, and I think love cannot touch it, when someone hates us. Or when we hate someone. I think I have not hated, yet. I have been shamed, and I am crazy angry over the shunning and the other things that have happened. Or maybe, I am hating all the time, and it feels normal to me. But I think there is a real difference between anger and the lust of vengeance and hatred. Maybe, for me, hatred is that lust of vengeance feeling. A feeling all mixed up with shame and loss and grief and guilt and fear and hurt. So, if it is, then I have hated. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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