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Hate...what is it?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 668110" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Opposite here. My mother did not love me like a mother loves a child and I desperately wanted her to so id become hurt and feel like the names I was labeled. I also dared to call her out on things. I was not beloved by anyone in foo except grandmother.</p><p></p><p>I really think my sister needs to forget how awful our mother was so she blames me, a child, for her horrible upbringing, which is ridiculous. And then she continued getting back at me, over and over again. It worked. It hurt. Oh, well. It's over.</p><p></p><p>I needed my mother's love. We all do. But my sister wanted and needed it more than me. She has a stronger need to hang onto the little FOO we have, maybe because she is now single and more alone than me. She got much worse after her divorce, but "it" was always there.</p><p></p><p>One thing she had to do eventually to keep mother's love was make it right with GC so she did. Again, I don't know how he could forget the way he treated her, but I guess she gave him some BS (she is good at acting normal, caring and doing it without meaning it) and he fell for it.</p><p></p><p>Whatever. Our families were very different. You have come to see the good in your mother and the flaws in your sister. I wish I could name the good in my mother. I never saw it. I'm sure good traits would be named by GC and sister, but they would be foreign to me. I've learned to see why I need to disown my FOO, dead and alive, except for my grandmother and my father. I have enough love from my family of choice. I don't like drama at all.</p><p></p><p>I read a hilarious article once and don't know if it's true or not, but a question was asked: "Would you rather spend the holidays with your family or friends?" Overwhelmingly, "friends" won. I had not been no contact then, but I knew what my foo was and the question and commentary after it made me laugh and laugh.</p><p></p><p>We aren't the only ones. It is not rare for families to stay together during the holidays just because "we are blood" or "we are related by adoption." But that doesn't mean a good time is had by all.</p><p></p><p>Ugh. We had the worst holidays. I can still hear my parents fighting, fighting, fighting.</p><p></p><p>Yes, I would have preferred to be with my friends and after I moved out I never shared any holidays with them. I don't even know if there WERE any family holidays. If so, I wasn't invited (shrug). I preferred my husband's side of the family. My mother-in-law was the best mother I ever had. May she rest in peace with the other angels.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 668110, member: 1550"] Opposite here. My mother did not love me like a mother loves a child and I desperately wanted her to so id become hurt and feel like the names I was labeled. I also dared to call her out on things. I was not beloved by anyone in foo except grandmother. I really think my sister needs to forget how awful our mother was so she blames me, a child, for her horrible upbringing, which is ridiculous. And then she continued getting back at me, over and over again. It worked. It hurt. Oh, well. It's over. I needed my mother's love. We all do. But my sister wanted and needed it more than me. She has a stronger need to hang onto the little FOO we have, maybe because she is now single and more alone than me. She got much worse after her divorce, but "it" was always there. One thing she had to do eventually to keep mother's love was make it right with GC so she did. Again, I don't know how he could forget the way he treated her, but I guess she gave him some BS (she is good at acting normal, caring and doing it without meaning it) and he fell for it. Whatever. Our families were very different. You have come to see the good in your mother and the flaws in your sister. I wish I could name the good in my mother. I never saw it. I'm sure good traits would be named by GC and sister, but they would be foreign to me. I've learned to see why I need to disown my FOO, dead and alive, except for my grandmother and my father. I have enough love from my family of choice. I don't like drama at all. I read a hilarious article once and don't know if it's true or not, but a question was asked: "Would you rather spend the holidays with your family or friends?" Overwhelmingly, "friends" won. I had not been no contact then, but I knew what my foo was and the question and commentary after it made me laugh and laugh. We aren't the only ones. It is not rare for families to stay together during the holidays just because "we are blood" or "we are related by adoption." But that doesn't mean a good time is had by all. Ugh. We had the worst holidays. I can still hear my parents fighting, fighting, fighting. Yes, I would have preferred to be with my friends and after I moved out I never shared any holidays with them. I don't even know if there WERE any family holidays. If so, I wasn't invited (shrug). I preferred my husband's side of the family. My mother-in-law was the best mother I ever had. May she rest in peace with the other angels. [/QUOTE]
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