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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 668136" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I think you carried that for her too. That is why she told you. She may believe you spoke those words, and not her.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>My sister seems to feel satisfaction in taking from the other sibs. I have posted before about the final issues that made it impossible for me to keep going along to get along. (Exclusion and mistreatment of the brother, and of his grands.)</p><p></p><p>My sister also tells everyone she knows about her abusive childhood, and about her terrible mother. This included the new husband's extended family. Then, my mother was at my sister's for the winter months. She never stopped talking about my mother behind her back. My mother never stopped talking about my sister behind her back, even to sister's own husband and children. </p><p></p><p>Isn't that something.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes. Our sisters are very entitled little things. You both know already why I believe this is so.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>And not to you. That would have been more important than the money or the stuff.</p><p></p><p>I sound rotten.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>We are coming through that I think, Copa.</p><p></p><p>For our sisters...the years have not gone by. They still see us unchanged in value or purpose. The thing is, they can see us any way they want to.</p><p></p><p>We are the ones who need to learn to see ourselves differently. We are making good, good progress.</p><p></p><p>It doesn't feel very pretty. Ours are not pretty stories.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That was not an accident. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I'm sorry Copa, and I know you will disagree. But I think what your sister felt toward you was something much harsher than rejection.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>She does believe she got the bad deal. That, in my opinion, is because our sisters are required to be entitled to everything as proof of their higher value relative to the mom. When they are not given everything, they will try to get it by hook or by crook because if they don't get every last thing? Then the whole entitlement scheme might come tumbling down around their ears. Especially as relates to us.</p><p></p><p>Because somewhere inside, our sisters know.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><em>But she could never feel anything she did or thought made me feel less than myself.</em></p><p></p><p>Cognitive dissonance for the sister, to see you in person; to be in your presence. The persona she insists you are is how she can insist she is who she believes herself to be.</p><p></p><p>Much easier to accomplish all that insistent self-creation if you are far, far away.</p><p></p><p>Better, if you could be envisioned in a dungeon in the center of town where everyone could validate her truth ~ and yours ~ but Rio would probably be a good second choice.</p><p></p><p>It must have been very hard for your sister to see you again, Copa.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>My sister is that way, too. Very easy for my sister to sell things, to elicit money and gifts. I think it has to do with that entitlement thing; always proving they are not the one who belongs in the dungeon.</p><p></p><p>I know. I am being just ratty about my sister today.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>There is truth in this I think Copa, in the sense that if you re-establish the family dynamic relative to your sister instead of defiantly claiming the right to be free of her....</p><p></p><p>If you protect her, again....</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I think your sister, like mine and like Serenity's too, have illusions about themselves having to do with their mothers, and with us.</p><p></p><p>I know.</p><p></p><p>Bad Cedar.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 668136, member: 17461"] I think you carried that for her too. That is why she told you. She may believe you spoke those words, and not her. My sister seems to feel satisfaction in taking from the other sibs. I have posted before about the final issues that made it impossible for me to keep going along to get along. (Exclusion and mistreatment of the brother, and of his grands.) My sister also tells everyone she knows about her abusive childhood, and about her terrible mother. This included the new husband's extended family. Then, my mother was at my sister's for the winter months. She never stopped talking about my mother behind her back. My mother never stopped talking about my sister behind her back, even to sister's own husband and children. Isn't that something. Yes. Our sisters are very entitled little things. You both know already why I believe this is so. And not to you. That would have been more important than the money or the stuff. I sound rotten. :O) We are coming through that I think, Copa. For our sisters...the years have not gone by. They still see us unchanged in value or purpose. The thing is, they can see us any way they want to. We are the ones who need to learn to see ourselves differently. We are making good, good progress. It doesn't feel very pretty. Ours are not pretty stories. That was not an accident. I'm sorry Copa, and I know you will disagree. But I think what your sister felt toward you was something much harsher than rejection. She does believe she got the bad deal. That, in my opinion, is because our sisters are required to be entitled to everything as proof of their higher value relative to the mom. When they are not given everything, they will try to get it by hook or by crook because if they don't get every last thing? Then the whole entitlement scheme might come tumbling down around their ears. Especially as relates to us. Because somewhere inside, our sisters know. [I]But she could never feel anything she did or thought made me feel less than myself.[/I] Cognitive dissonance for the sister, to see you in person; to be in your presence. The persona she insists you are is how she can insist she is who she believes herself to be. Much easier to accomplish all that insistent self-creation if you are far, far away. Better, if you could be envisioned in a dungeon in the center of town where everyone could validate her truth ~ and yours ~ but Rio would probably be a good second choice. It must have been very hard for your sister to see you again, Copa. My sister is that way, too. Very easy for my sister to sell things, to elicit money and gifts. I think it has to do with that entitlement thing; always proving they are not the one who belongs in the dungeon. I know. I am being just ratty about my sister today. There is truth in this I think Copa, in the sense that if you re-establish the family dynamic relative to your sister instead of defiantly claiming the right to be free of her.... If you protect her, again.... I think your sister, like mine and like Serenity's too, have illusions about themselves having to do with their mothers, and with us. I know. Bad Cedar. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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