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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 666791" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Welcome New Leaf, I am so sorry for what you have been dealing with.</p><p></p><p>I'm glad you found us. Here you will find support and a safe place to vent.</p><p></p><p>It sounds like you have reached the point so many of us have and that is enough is enough. It's such a fine line that is so easily blurred between helping and enabling. We love our children and don't want to see them struggle or hurt so we step in and help because as a parent that's what we do. Before we know it we have been sucked into the enabling vortex.</p><p></p><p>From what you have shared, you sound strong. You clearly see what you need to do. Detaching from our adult children is never easy but necessary. There is a good article at the top of the PE forum about detaching, it's very good.</p><p></p><p>One of the best things we can do for our Difficult Child is to let them go, to stop following behind to clean up their messes because when we do this we stunt their growth, we do not allow them to figure things out for themselves. The longer we enable the harder it is for them.</p><p>One thing that really helped me was to think "I don't want to be an 80 year old woman still taking care of my 60 year old son"</p><p></p><p>I know all to well that "throwing" money at the problem does no good, it only drains the bank account.</p><p></p><p>We cannot control what our adult children do but we can control how we respond to what they do.</p><p></p><p>I am glad you are here with us now. There are years worth of experience within these pages.</p><p></p><p>Please keep posting and let us know how things are going.</p><p></p><p>Wishing you peace and calm.</p><p></p><p>((HUGS))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 666791, member: 18516"] Welcome New Leaf, I am so sorry for what you have been dealing with. I'm glad you found us. Here you will find support and a safe place to vent. It sounds like you have reached the point so many of us have and that is enough is enough. It's such a fine line that is so easily blurred between helping and enabling. We love our children and don't want to see them struggle or hurt so we step in and help because as a parent that's what we do. Before we know it we have been sucked into the enabling vortex. From what you have shared, you sound strong. You clearly see what you need to do. Detaching from our adult children is never easy but necessary. There is a good article at the top of the PE forum about detaching, it's very good. One of the best things we can do for our Difficult Child is to let them go, to stop following behind to clean up their messes because when we do this we stunt their growth, we do not allow them to figure things out for themselves. The longer we enable the harder it is for them. One thing that really helped me was to think "I don't want to be an 80 year old woman still taking care of my 60 year old son" I know all to well that "throwing" money at the problem does no good, it only drains the bank account. We cannot control what our adult children do but we can control how we respond to what they do. I am glad you are here with us now. There are years worth of experience within these pages. Please keep posting and let us know how things are going. Wishing you peace and calm. ((HUGS)) [/QUOTE]
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