I have not been feeling very well lately. No Star didnt drive up to reinfect me with meningitis...lol. Taking a deep breath....if you get bored easily, read something else! Ever since I got out of the hospital when they screwed up all my medications in 12/2008, they just dumped me back on everything without titrating me back up. Also when I talked to my psychiatrist about the delusions and depersonalization I was feeling, he just stuck me on increased seroquel and said it was normal and would go away. I dont know if it will or not, he just increases my seroquel every few months! Then about six months ago he put me on wellbutrin because I wanted to stop smoking but also I was having fatigue and a bit of depression...ok more than a bit. But....Im bipolar, AD's have been bad to me!....so...lets put more seroquel on board! That was a disaster. I got angry and more depressed. And I couldnt sleep. Weight gain is going through the roof. So...we go back. Now...my pain is going through the roof. My hands are now on fire. I have never had a problem with my fingers unless I jammed on or something. Now I can hardly bend my fingers without extreme pain. Typing is killing me. I hurt my fingers picking up a glass to drink out of. Holding a plate to wash it is horrible. GP put me on arthrotec. I also got put on Cymbalta by psychiatrist when I told him I was in so much pain. Then...yes...higher seroquel. I took cymbalta for two weeks and had to stop. I think I have serotonin syndrome. Agitation or restlessness Confusion Rapid heart rate Dilated pupils Loss of muscle coordination or twitching muscles Heavy sweating Diarrhea Headache Shivering Goose bumps I have almost all of these signs. My chest feels like Im having a heart attack but if I was I would be dead. I cant make a lucid thought outloud because my words escape me. Writing is easier because I can come back to it. I had myself tested for menopause because of the hot/cold thing. Oh and the diarrhea. Embarrassing. Lets just say I thought I was going to have to live in the Food Lion bathroom until Tony got home from work because I didnt make it in time. Thankfully we found Cory. But honestly, I would rather have meningitis again rather than how I feel now. I want to kill either myself or someone else. Im not real picky who either. I actually am plotting in my mind how wonderful it would feel to march Tony into the woods and make him kneel before me and I could blow his brains out. He is making me real mad right now because he isnt treating me nice. I cant even explain it. I just sit around crying all the time. I cant figure out why. Its got to me medication-wise. I think I need to do a medication wash and then see what is needed.