Haven't Been Here In A While.. Dr says maybe ADHD?

[Confused]

Hi all. Hope all is well or better for you. My dad has my son while I'm venting and my daughter is throwing a fit! Besides my issues with my son that Ill get to in a minute. I'm having normal Pre-teen issues with my daughter. Shes 12, obsessed with the computer, esp Zat chats, now twitter and photo bucket which I told her all no to and explained the dangers on them. I gave into zats if she gave me all her screen names, she refused so I asked for passwords she blew. Now shes "meeting friends online" wanting to send a card. Also I asked her to write a letter to Santa what SHE wants and she gave a letter to my dad this morning. All of sudden she asked for it and said that was to be mailed with her friends letter a second part? Huh? Multiple stories later ..Im confused. Y cant that girl write her own letter I asked? I know Santa she is starting to doubt but she refuses to let me make sure this girl is really a child and for me to talk to her parents. I told her no electronics and no to a dog cuz I cant trust her. I have calmly talked to her like a pal, friend, where she felt safe and comfortable to. Im still her mom first!!! I did get hurt and upset tonight telling her this and my mistakes and attitude when I was her age. I understand, except now there the internet involved. Was I right or wrong?

Ok, now on to the reason for this forum, my son. He still gets angry sometimes easlily and sometimes still kicks the doors.. throws or break stuff. But not like it was before. Thank goodness!! He does get happy faces but also sad and :/ faces like that one. Reasons, for not completing work, talking, not listening mainly. Almost always talks in Church which I know as well as his teacher knows. With his work she says he needs to pay attention and listen to instructions and do the work. So I told the Medical assistant while we were there for his usual bat of yearly bronchitis visits ( as a comment saying wish u could get him to sit and complete his work like u get him him better for his health) and she said does his teacher complain? Hows homework? Well, I told her homework can be quick but messy but usually can last up to two or three hours for 3-7 words to write in order, or/and 4 times and certain days sentences with those words. She asked if hes hyper, I said well, most of the time but I got used to it. So, she said sounds like ADHD. So they would interview teacher, watch him a full day or longer at school and home and interview neighbors? Really, neighbors I thought. She says some parents just cant handle a normal active kids and gave me a look and rudely said that might be your problem tho... even after I told her of his temper!! I have gotten use to my son being active. Still in Speech, Sports, plays outside etc. But she said after all tests they would give medications. I know it can help kids but I want parenting tips/support to avoid medications as long as possible or permanently. So I'm trying a little longer on my own with him as well as others to get him back on track. If not, looks like the tests will have to be done. Any advice?

 

[buddy]

medication assistant? Um nope, wouldn't be my choice because they may know a little about adhd, they are not trained to truly evaluate learning, behavior, mental health or neuro developmental conditions. I'd look to a developmental pediatrician with a full team of evaluators or a neuropsychologist. And I wouldn't ask if the dr thinks you need that kind of evaluation, I'd just say this is what we need.....(since you asked what we thought, lol)

Many of our kids would test in the adhd range on those questionnaires but it takes someone looking comprehensively at all skills and the history and multiple measures. No neighbors do not need to know your business and I'd be worried about confidentiality. Schools and therapists have to maintain confidentiality, neighbors do not. It seems.like a really unprofessional thing to say. Just mho.

 

[DDD]

Ditto. Also, sad to say, it appears you are facing more problems with your daughter than you recognize. on the other hand, lol, I have to admit I am completely pooped tonight and feeling old and cranky. Glad you are here and hope you receive the "right" support from younger less irritated family members. Hugs DDD

 

[TeDo]

I'm with Buddy. No way would I leave anything mental health to a pediatrician much less a medication assistant. No way! As for the " trying a little longer on my own", well, to be perfectly honest, unless you KNOW what the problem is and why, you're not really going to have a lot of success. You may be used to the way he is but he is going to have to learn to function in the real world and that isn't going to happen without the right supports.

Same goes for your daughter. My kids have Facebook accounts but the rules were set before I would even consider it. My rules are that they are not allowed to friend ANYONE without my permission, I will ALWAYS have their username and password, and that I WILL check their account at any time. ANY violations results in closing the account until they are 18 and loss of computer privileges completely for a long period of time unless I am sitting right there beside them so I can monitor them. They know that I do check and I have made sure that they know they have to earn my trust. There is no way my kid would keep ANY internet activity a secret from me. There are times they wonder if I really do have eyes in the back of my head or am psychic and I want to keep it that way.

Sorry you're having to go through all this. It can be so frustrating. {{{HUGS}}}

 

[Confused]

buddy, I see your point about a medical asst!! I agree about neighbors, and my grandfather loves sharing info to the whole block!!! No matter the subject. Thank u

 

[Confused]

I haven't had too much trouble with my daughter. She did have lots of tantrums when she was little, "non-violent" because my grandfather took her everywhere daily, and daily she went out to eat, got movies or toys etc. With me, I don't have the money like him = tantrums. But now, I have taken every Electronic away. We shall see Thank you

 

[Confused]

TeDo, Your right about getting him to function in the real world. As for your kids,did they ever put up a fight over it? After reading what you do, I reminded my daughter ( i did tell her I had to know names and sites before and no twitter, Facebook, MySpace)" ok, I will give your comp back but I do need all passwords and names for all accounts. She blew!!! She said I hate her and NO!!! Came back w one password and username that I knew. All other she wrote "QUITTING" and asked for it back. I said no. She screamed yelled, slammed the door and my dad said nicely " please im trying to sleep" and she yelled" SHUTUP"!!!Wow!!!

I don't wanna bring it up but that shooting on Friday in CT just made me feel lucky that my two are here and safe and when they came home from school I just squeezed and kissed them telling them how much I love them. I couldn't even imagine losing my kids. Even when I miscarried and buried my unborn child.. its still painful after all these years. I tell them and show them daily I love them. The kids had heard about it at school. I just cried every time I saw the news. So my point is the shooter had issues at school and was said not to really be socialized later on in life after she pulled him out of school. Possibly didn't get the help he needed. Even with help I know there's no guarantee but she shouldn't have had guns with him there. Id never with my son here. I will make sure my son gets is socializing and after reading all your replies, I will go for the other D again. I gotta still fight mine to get referrals cuz if the medicaid. Thank u

**** as Im typing she came in and threw a paper with some more passwords/names. still missing others. I know cuz she registered them with my email and I told her not yet. Another slammed door! Ugghh well, I feel she doesn't need them tonight ..besides its bedtime in 30 minutes for her!! Sorry to vent****

 

[TeDo]

All I can say is hold fast. She knows your stipulations and she needs to know that you aren't going to cave just because she's throwing tantrums. Yes, I have heard those exact same words when they really wanted to hide something from me. I stick to my guns no matter the behavior so they know I mean what I say and that is it. I constantly remind them that they can either do it my way or not at all. It sometimes takes a LONG time for them to "think right" and cave but they always do because they know I won't. I also tell them when they are acting like that that if they "are going to throw 'two year old temper tantrums' I will gladly treat you like two year olds which means no electronics for another 10 years because 2 year olds don't get electronics". Sometimes I even have to throw out the "I'm the adult, you're the child, and until you're 18 I control EVERYTHING. I'm being nice by letting you have/do x, y and z but if you're not going to be nice to me then I won't let you do x or y or z or even a, b,c for that matter". After that point, I totally ignore all the behavior and wait oh so patiently (well, sometimes not) for them to comply. With difficult child 1, it takes longer vor everything to sink in and more behavior until he processes it all, but in the end all's well that ends well. Things have gotten a little better around here because I think they are finally realizing that I mean business.

As for diagnosis, check with area children's hospitals. That's where our neuropsychologist is and medicaid paid the bill. As for a psychiatrist, check with your local social services agency (here it's called our County Social Services) and ask for a listing of psychiatrists that accept medicaid.

 

[buddy]

You're doing great! I set up Quin's FB account so HE doesn't know the password! It's a thought! If she won't share them then she can have a choice of either no computer online (still could use word and off line games etc. The old fashioned way, lol. Or, she could let you set up all the passwords.

 

[DammitJanet]

You need to password your computer so she cannot get on it without you allowing her to get on. Then contact any place you know she has made an account and tell them to close her accounts unless you allow her to reopen them by sending in your approval by sending confirming it by email and verification. Then change your email password.

If you dont want to do that, hit those complete parental supports. I just got a tablet that is excellent and they now have several more that just came out for Xmas that would be perfect for her age. One is Meep and the other is called Kurio I think. They have for tweens and they have parental software on them but also let the kids have access to places that are okay for them. You can download apps for them that you dont mind them having.