Haven't been on this before

[Suz]

When I got to the fed up stage I consulted an attorney.

There's no cost for an initial consultation. I wanted to find out what my rights were, what I was entitled to, and what I needed to do and not do. For example, I don't know if you would or wouldn't, but it would be useful to know if you move out, if you relinquish some of the rights you have on the house you are paying for. It's also good to know if you would have to pay alimony ("spousal support") since you are paying most of the expenses.

Suz

 

[1905]

I just want to add, in addition to what the others have said, he'll have no choice, but to do for himself. And he will, that's your main goal. I've kicked out my difficult child- at age 18, with a big plastic bag full of his "stuff". That was the best thing I could have done. Nothing else would have made him get his life going. It was, and is (he's still a difficult child) the only way to get him to do for himself. "Why should I?" was my difficult child's famous words, and he was right on, we provided all, so why should he? A typical teen wouldn't have thought that way, but a difficult child does. Give him no choice but to fend for himself, it will do wonders for his self-esteem as well. As for your husband, truly I wish I had those answers, my husband is not that nice to me. I work 3 jobs- and I do every chore- I deserve simple kindness from my family. I know I'm taken for granted. Every friend I have feels the same way. I work out a lot. The gym is what I do for me. We can't wait around for someone to send us flowers, hypotheticaly, we have to send them to ourselves.-Alyssa

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

I was thrown out at age 18. Best thing that ever happened to me. It's tough love, and trust me, it is tough.

 

[Mara11]

Wow, you are dealing with a whole lot of cans of worms at once. No wonder you are tired.

The other posts have been rawkin' so I can't add anymore logical advice. What I thought I would add is something that my counselor asks me when I start to sound more than worn at the edges and trying to juggle and please too many people at once, (like last night).

She will hear me break it down to one person and one statement and then ask "how can you take your Power back? What can you do to not give away what little you do feel you have left?" Every time she asks me that I spend a week thinking really hard what I can do. It isn't always about finding activities or speaking up to someone. Sometimes it is simply standing up straight and looking a person in the eye. Body language for some of us can speak volumes to the person we are facing.

Perhaps one other component to your household being so oppositional with you is that they WANT you to be strong and tell them to back off. Your constantly being a martyr (sorry if that sounds harsh I can't think of another word that fits) for them is ticking them off. They maybe feel you are being controlling, even if you feel out of control, you are the one running the show really. Tell them no, you don't have time to clean this, or worry with that. Little things. They'll bluster and get ******, but they aren't going anywhere. This I've learned through the years with an ODD kiddo. He's not going to disappear and he wants me to succeed and not feel like I hang everything I do and say on what his behaviour of the day is.

One more thing (I can't end yet ya know..), I have to ask...your husband told you, you couldn't participate in the list anymore? Scuze me? Those would have been fightin' words for me. But, I'm not you. I don't live in your house, nor have your history. I just know, that for me, uh no.

Sometimes I am glad I'm single, even when I hate being alone.

Mara