Having a really bad night. Please help.

[Californiablonde]

Today went by rather uneventfully today. I cleaned house while both difficult children remained in their own perspective corners watching TV and playing on the computer. All hell broke loose about a half hour ago. I was in my room watching my crime TV when I suddenly heard shouts from the next room. All of a sudden my son was thrown into my bedroom by difficult child 1 while the door shut and my daughter blocked the door from being open. She kept screaming through the door that difficult child 2 did not deserve to come back in the living room because of his attitude. I finally pried the door open and difficult child 1 started screaming at difficult child 2 that he was not allowed back into the living room to watch TV. Apparently my son said something bad about our previous cat Tigger who was given up to a shelter and then subsequently put to sleep. difficult child 1, who was very close to the cat, took offense and went OFF on him. She insisted that he stay in my room (we only have a one room apartment and my son gets the living room) and she refused to let him back into the loco goon so he could watch TV. I got very frustrated because I was really into my show in the bedroom and I really wanted difficult child 2 to go back into the living room so he could watch his own shows. I attempted to call their dad so he could talk sense into difficult child 1, but as usual, he refused to answer the phone because he recognized my number. I then yelled at difficult child 1 to let my son back in the room. She refused and again shut the door and blocked it so difficult child 2 couldn't get out. I finally busted the door down and got in difficult child 1's face. She still refused to budge so I broke down and started spanking her. difficult child is bigger and stronger than me so she pushed me away. I know I shouldn't have spanked her at her age but it was better than the alternative. I really felt like slapping her hard across the face. Nonetheless, difficult child 1 once again gained control and pushed difficult child 2 into our bedroom and layed her body against the door so he couldn't get out. Now my son is stuck in my bedroom and difficult child 1 has taken control over the livingroom. I know it's only a matter of time till difficult child 1 falls asleep. I've given her her night time pills at 6:30. I'm waiting for them to kick in any time now. Once they hit she'll be in our room crashed out on the bed. Oh I hope it happens soon. I just want one night of PEACE.

 

[TerryJ2]

I hope everyone has calmed down by now. It sounds like chaos.

 

[Methuselah]

I'm sorry you are having such a bad night. I hope you find a moment of peace when the medications kick in.

 

[DammitJanet]

Well I am gonna be the lone wolf here and tell you that I dont blame you for whipping her ass. I refuse to have a child of mine tell me what I am gonna do and when I am gonna do it. My kids are well into their twenties and if any of them tried that garbage they would soon find themselves at the other end of a long switch. Cory got his rear spanked up until he was full grown. Jamie I believe got his last one sometime around the age of 14/15 but he learned his lesson not to mess with us. I was just reminiscing last night with Tony about the time Cory was coming home from his Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for a home visit and he was around 16 and he called me the equivalent of a female dog for some reason. Without even thinking, my arm swung out and slapped him dead across the mouth. He hasnt called me that to my face again. And I hit him hard. It really startled him. He was not expecting that.

I realize you are in a one bedroom apartment but you can partition it off so that your son has a separate area that is just his. Use expandable rods like they do for bathtubs that stick to the wall with tension. Or you can get screens made with material or cardboard to block off his room to give him a private room. Get him his own private small TV to go in his room. It doesnt have to be big. If you cant afford to buy one, look on Freecycle and I guarantee you can get a free one from someone. Your son deserves a place he can go to get away from your daughter and she needs a severe punishment if she follows him in his private space. Something like removing all her electronics or whatever is most important to her. Instead of your son being locked in your room, she should be and she cant tell you what to watch. She can sit her butt in a corner writing sentences about how one should get along with ones siblings.

 

[Allan-Matlem]

Hi,
Janet has shared some great ideas on helping to seperate them and give your boy some space. I don't like any response that leads to power struggles especially when kids are bigger than us and can make life even more miserable. The only ' consequence ' I recommend is explaining to the kid , that if she is determined to try and bully you and her brother instead of talking things through and working things out together so every body's concerns and needs are being addressed , you are unable to take care of her - either she moves in with her dad , and if he can't , the social services will take care of you

I think you should revisit the incident with her in a non-blaming way , being empathic and try to see how the incident could have played itself out in a different way . Brainstorm some solutions

I recommend mentors , older sister ,buddy-tutors for your kids . It would be great if you had a third party who you could call to help facilate collaborative problem solving - your daughter could call to get help if her brother is bugging her etc

Not easy

AllanKatz-parentingislearning