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Substance Abuse
Having a rough day :-(
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 690491" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Unfortunately, I agree with everybody else. He seems not to be committed to sobriety. But how could he be? Like me, you kind of forced the choice.</p><p></p><p>His going to Florida and to the sober living house helped in a whole lot of ways, I think, apart from his seeming lack of commitment to sobriety.</p><p></p><p>He is working, and self-sufficient. He is out of your house. He knows now that there is a way he can be sober, if he wants. He knows what to do. Now, he is the motor of his own life. All of these things are good things. Growth on his part and on yours.</p><p>OMG. This is the hardest part, almost for me. When my son talks about how sad he is, or that he hates himself or feels ugly, something in me dies. It is almost as if I cannot bear to live if my son is in such distress.</p><p></p><p>The thing is: I think they know. And that is part of why they talk this way. I think they want somehow to put the way they feel <em>into us</em>. I think we have to resist with all of our might, to not accept this hot potato. Their recovery, of self-esteem, of hope, of sobriety--is theirs to own.</p><p></p><p>So, looking at it from this perspective, RN, you and he are on the right path. It cannot be another way until Son decides, he wants to go there. </p><p></p><p>Now, I can talk a good game, but I am trying to force my son to stop using marijuana, which is his one true love. Our conditions for him to be around us (which entails him living with us or another property we own) is that he work with M every day, and not use weed. We also insist that he clean up after himself, which is a losing battle.</p><p></p><p>When my son does not have money, he is compliant. When he does, he is not. We have told him we will insist on drug testing. But the loophole for him is that we know that there may be a one month period when he tests dirty due to past use. He is taking advantage of this 30 day interval to use, not understanding that we will throw him out.</p><p></p><p>My son is homeless when he is not with us. On the streets. He has alienated everybody else and does not seem to have the incentive, or the where with all to get his own apartment, unless it is through us.</p><p></p><p>I will throw my son out when the time comes to test him and he is using.</p><p></p><p>I know that this dance we do together is not good on so many levels for either him or me.</p><p></p><p>I seem to be unable to tolerate him homeless. I believe he is benefiting from our tutelage. But on some level I believe there is something corrupt about it on our parts and on his.</p><p></p><p>I believe I am misusing my power by making resources contingent. I believe I am setting him up to be sneaky. I just do not know another way.</p><p></p><p>I would not wish anybody to be in our situations (except for my sister.)</p><p></p><p>PS That was only kind of a joke.</p><p></p><p>PSS I wish I could make my son go to a 12-step group. That is kind of a joke, too. On me.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 690491, member: 18958"] Unfortunately, I agree with everybody else. He seems not to be committed to sobriety. But how could he be? Like me, you kind of forced the choice. His going to Florida and to the sober living house helped in a whole lot of ways, I think, apart from his seeming lack of commitment to sobriety. He is working, and self-sufficient. He is out of your house. He knows now that there is a way he can be sober, if he wants. He knows what to do. Now, he is the motor of his own life. All of these things are good things. Growth on his part and on yours. OMG. This is the hardest part, almost for me. When my son talks about how sad he is, or that he hates himself or feels ugly, something in me dies. It is almost as if I cannot bear to live if my son is in such distress. The thing is: I think they know. And that is part of why they talk this way. I think they want somehow to put the way they feel [I]into us[/I]. I think we have to resist with all of our might, to not accept this hot potato. Their recovery, of self-esteem, of hope, of sobriety--is theirs to own. So, looking at it from this perspective, RN, you and he are on the right path. It cannot be another way until Son decides, he wants to go there. Now, I can talk a good game, but I am trying to force my son to stop using marijuana, which is his one true love. Our conditions for him to be around us (which entails him living with us or another property we own) is that he work with M every day, and not use weed. We also insist that he clean up after himself, which is a losing battle. When my son does not have money, he is compliant. When he does, he is not. We have told him we will insist on drug testing. But the loophole for him is that we know that there may be a one month period when he tests dirty due to past use. He is taking advantage of this 30 day interval to use, not understanding that we will throw him out. My son is homeless when he is not with us. On the streets. He has alienated everybody else and does not seem to have the incentive, or the where with all to get his own apartment, unless it is through us. I will throw my son out when the time comes to test him and he is using. I know that this dance we do together is not good on so many levels for either him or me. I seem to be unable to tolerate him homeless. I believe he is benefiting from our tutelage. But on some level I believe there is something corrupt about it on our parts and on his. I believe I am misusing my power by making resources contingent. I believe I am setting him up to be sneaky. I just do not know another way. I would not wish anybody to be in our situations (except for my sister.) PS That was only kind of a joke. PSS I wish I could make my son go to a 12-step group. That is kind of a joke, too. On me. [/QUOTE]
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