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Substance Abuse
Having a rough day :-(
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<blockquote data-quote="RN0441" data-source="post: 690709" data-attributes="member: 15032"><p>Thank you all so much for your thoughtful replies. I went back to reread my post...my "diary" so to speak.</p><p></p><p>I did not talk to him all weekend except for yesterday to give myself a break. He is feeling better about living there now as of yesterday. And whomever says girls are DRAMA queens never met MY son! LOL </p><p></p><p>He met a girl on line before he left Delray and she is a very nice girl, doesn't party and seems religious (based on my spying on her Facebook page). He has been spending a lot of time with her and I am very happy about that. He said she is a "straight shooter". She will be 18 in a few weeks (thank God, don't need THAT worry). He says she is a "very good person". Her father is dead and her mother is very ill but he's not sure what it is. He met her family this weekend. She has a grandmother that lives next door and an uncle and aunts that help out with mom. Very sad. I think they are mainly just friends. She looks very sweet in her pictures. He told me her uncle is wealthy and owns several rehab/sober living places in Florida. Imagine that.</p><p> </p><p>He is not working yet. He has been getting paid to drive his roommates to work etc. and I got on him yesterday about looking for a real job. My husband thinks it's okay that he is driving them for now and they are paying him a decent amount and that I need to let it be and give him some time to get acclimated to the new area. Son asked me where he should apply (OMG he's almost 21). He had applied to several places before he moved there but that's not enough. I told him to look into hotels, there are lots of jobs in hotels that he could do.</p><p></p><p>We have not had to pay anything yet at the sober living and expect to hear something once he completes one week - per him. We are not sure about the exact weekly amount but have an estimate that we are okay with. He has been very good not asking for much money and living off his last paycheck. He seems to like it better at the new place and gets drug tested but no meetings are required. I agree - I wish he'd go to meetings but I can't make him do that, I can only suggest it. I wish he'd do a lot of things I can't make him do. I wish he'd go to church on Sundays (even though I don't go) and maybe he will some day.</p><p></p><p>I love my son but I hate the way he thinks. Is it immaturity or is it just HIM?</p><p></p><p>Husband and I are going on an annual trip to Fort Myers for a long weekend with friends we've had for 20+ years. One of them used to babysit my son. Son knows all of the people we are going with. He had known about this trip some time ago but I wanted to bring it up again because I figured he had forgotten about it. When I told him he said "I want to go!" and I told him it was only adults - they all have children sons age too. He said he is an adult but we explained it was a parent vacation. Ugh felt guilty but I know I shouldn't. We will only be 150 miles from him but will not be able to see him on this trip - guilt again. </p><p></p><p>Honestly I don't even WANT to see him right now. Saw him in April and just want him to do what HE needs to do. We will see him in November and husband plans a trip there alone to see him before that - he has a lot more vacation time than I do.</p><p></p><p>I cannot believe how much all of this consumes me. I did really well when he first moved and now I'm back to a place I don't like. I do plan to go see a therapist when we get back from our trip. I need to talk to someone because I'm driving my husband nuts. I think I have PTSD from son's past five years of "stuff". Husband says he is sober, has a place to live, has a car and has a girlfriend so what am I so worried about? I told him I only WISH I could be like him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="RN0441, post: 690709, member: 15032"] Thank you all so much for your thoughtful replies. I went back to reread my post...my "diary" so to speak. I did not talk to him all weekend except for yesterday to give myself a break. He is feeling better about living there now as of yesterday. And whomever says girls are DRAMA queens never met MY son! LOL He met a girl on line before he left Delray and she is a very nice girl, doesn't party and seems religious (based on my spying on her Facebook page). He has been spending a lot of time with her and I am very happy about that. He said she is a "straight shooter". She will be 18 in a few weeks (thank God, don't need THAT worry). He says she is a "very good person". Her father is dead and her mother is very ill but he's not sure what it is. He met her family this weekend. She has a grandmother that lives next door and an uncle and aunts that help out with mom. Very sad. I think they are mainly just friends. She looks very sweet in her pictures. He told me her uncle is wealthy and owns several rehab/sober living places in Florida. Imagine that. He is not working yet. He has been getting paid to drive his roommates to work etc. and I got on him yesterday about looking for a real job. My husband thinks it's okay that he is driving them for now and they are paying him a decent amount and that I need to let it be and give him some time to get acclimated to the new area. Son asked me where he should apply (OMG he's almost 21). He had applied to several places before he moved there but that's not enough. I told him to look into hotels, there are lots of jobs in hotels that he could do. We have not had to pay anything yet at the sober living and expect to hear something once he completes one week - per him. We are not sure about the exact weekly amount but have an estimate that we are okay with. He has been very good not asking for much money and living off his last paycheck. He seems to like it better at the new place and gets drug tested but no meetings are required. I agree - I wish he'd go to meetings but I can't make him do that, I can only suggest it. I wish he'd do a lot of things I can't make him do. I wish he'd go to church on Sundays (even though I don't go) and maybe he will some day. I love my son but I hate the way he thinks. Is it immaturity or is it just HIM? Husband and I are going on an annual trip to Fort Myers for a long weekend with friends we've had for 20+ years. One of them used to babysit my son. Son knows all of the people we are going with. He had known about this trip some time ago but I wanted to bring it up again because I figured he had forgotten about it. When I told him he said "I want to go!" and I told him it was only adults - they all have children sons age too. He said he is an adult but we explained it was a parent vacation. Ugh felt guilty but I know I shouldn't. We will only be 150 miles from him but will not be able to see him on this trip - guilt again. Honestly I don't even WANT to see him right now. Saw him in April and just want him to do what HE needs to do. We will see him in November and husband plans a trip there alone to see him before that - he has a lot more vacation time than I do. I cannot believe how much all of this consumes me. I did really well when he first moved and now I'm back to a place I don't like. I do plan to go see a therapist when we get back from our trip. I need to talk to someone because I'm driving my husband nuts. I think I have PTSD from son's past five years of "stuff". Husband says he is sober, has a place to live, has a car and has a girlfriend so what am I so worried about? I told him I only WISH I could be like him. [/QUOTE]
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