Having a tough time

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by JKF, Nov 6, 2012.

  1. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    difficult child is still in jail. It will be 2 weeks tomorrow. I haven't been able to talk to him bc the jail requires an entrance fine to be paid before he can get a phone account or commissary. I think it's like $150 and he gets credit towards it each day he's there. BC of Sandy we're tight on money. Hubby's work was destroyed by storm surge and I was out of work for a week so I didn't get paid. $150 isn't usually a lot but it is this week!!! He's tried to call a few times but it won't let me accept his calls until the fine is paid. I've written him 3 letters letting him know we love him etc.

    My heart is so heavy thinking about him being in there all "alone". I'm a mess this week so far. Crying out of the blue, vivid dreams about difficult child etc. I hate this so much and I know that I didn't do this to him but I can't stop hurting for him.

    Anyway, just needed to vent a bit. We're due for another big storm tomorrow here in NJ so need to prep for that. 50+ mph winds and heavy wet snow this time. Trees are already weak so this should be fun! ***sigh***
  2. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    JKF, that's hard, I'm so sorry, I understand how heartbreaking it all is. You can't see the outcome as none of us can, however, perhaps this disconnect will really allow your difficult child to understand, without a doubt, just how much of a mess he's made without you there soothing his troubled self. Sometimes things work out in a way we can't possible predict or understand. I'm sorry your mother's heart is hurting, you're taking the brunt of the pain I would imagine, as we Mom's do, but you didn't create this, he did. Hang in there. We get how you feel. Keep venting, it helps. (((HUGS))))
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    That is really weird about that fine deal. Never heard that before. We always had to put money on the phone account but it was only about 30 bucks.
  4. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    I'm so sorry, JKF. Of course you didn't cause this, but it is perfectly normal to hurt for your child at a time like this. The added stress from Sandy certainly doesn't help. If you haven't already, try checking out Families Anonymous. You need all the support you can get right now.
    Many hugs,
  5. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    Janet - they call it a "jail processing fee" and they only allow phone accounts to and commissary accounts to be set up AFTER it's been paid.

    Here's what it says in the handbook: "At the time you are committed to our jail you are responsible for a processing fee of $150.00. You are not eligible for any financial privileges until the processing fee has been paid in full. You will be entitled to your one free phone call. All incoming funds will be collected at 100% until the processing fee has been paid in full".

    I am fully willing to put small amounts of $ on the phone account and even into commissary but I don't have that much to pay a fine right now. Also, that's almost as much as he stiffed the cab driver for ($165). I wasn't willing to pay that so I don't think it would be a good example to pay the fine either. I just don't know what to do anymore! I have a huge headache!!!
  6. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    Thanks RE - I always appreciate your responses! Maybe this will help him realize how much he needs help. I can only hope and pray!

    Thanks Dash! I will definitely check Families Anonymous! I appreciate the suggestion!!
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thats absurd. I think your jail is mean...lol. Oh well, guess you can write him lots of nice letters and dont have to listen to him itch and whine! I know its not quite the same but when Jamie was in boot camp I used to write all his letters on the computer so I could insert little cartoons into his letters to make them funny. Also if there were news articles from home that I thought he would be interested in I could copy them too. Just a thought.
  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Many of us really understand what you are feeling although I have never heard of the upfront fee. What to heck will they think of next??

    With all the weather stress, financial stress and now difficult child stress I hope you can repeat the Serenity Prayer over and over to give you some strength. Honestly it really helps me. Hugs DDD
  9. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    Janet- it really is totally nuts! And it's not our jail here in Jersey! It's in PA. I have asked ppl from here if they have ever heard of that and they said no way! I guess it works differently in PA. As for the letters - it's funny you say that about the typing and cartoons because that's what I've been doing. The news articles are a good idea too! Thanks!

    DDD- the serenity prayer was my mom's favorite and is mine as well! It does help so much to repeat it during times like this!

    And on that note- I'm off sit in my corner and repeat it again and again till I'm calm! lol It's snowing and windy here and my other son forgot his homework so I had to drive back to the school in a blizzard after picking him up and driving home in a blizzard in the first place! Ugggggh! Boy do I need a vacation!