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Having all of these mixed feelings
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 640420" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Anticipatory fear...that is part of the dynamic, too. Hold faith that you will be strong enough to handle whatever comes next and let go, if you can. Try to stop thinking about it. When you find these terrible thoughts creeping in, work on letting go, on thinking of nothing at all, until the fear passes.</p><p></p><p>They call this kind of thinking "catastrophizing."</p><p></p><p>Did you know there was a name for the way people who have been traumatized think, when they are confronted with the same traumatizing kinds of people?</p><p></p><p>Though you have been hurt in the past, you are in control of your mind, of where you concentrate your thoughts, today.</p><p></p><p>And we are right here.</p></blockquote><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Fear.</p><p></p><p>There is nothing here that you can change Guide Me, but the fear. Remember Winston Churchill? (I think that is who said this. But maybe it was Franklin Roosevelt. Whoever said it? Was exactly, exactly right.) </p><p></p><p>"We have nothing to fear but fear itself."</p><p></p><p>Fear, you can work with. You can feel it. You can lean into it, you can seek it out and sit with it. Fear is not going to hurt you. Being afraid of the fear ~ that is going to hurt you.</p><p></p><p>Let this move be, Guide Me.</p><p></p><p>It is what it is, and they will work it out or they won't.</p><p></p><p>You may be very alone during this time <em>and that's okay.</em> As you heal? </p><p></p><p>You will realize you have been alone, all of your life. Toxic family dynamics generally do not lend themselves to supporting or strengthening their members. It will not be easy to think about leaving your family behind you? But once you do it, once you begin standing on your own, your world will change.</p><p></p><p>You are strong, and you are strong enough, to do this.</p><p></p><p>I see it in your posts.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>MWM has given sterling advice about just what to say, how to think, how to survive these interactions with toxic family. This one, this "let me think about it", is the one that will enable you, that will make you strong enough, to carry through on the others and create change.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>And this is the other.</p><p></p><p>You CAN always change your mind and do something different. You can change your mind ten thousand times.</p><p></p><p>That is your right as a real, live woman who gets to make mistakes.</p><p></p><p>We all get to make mistakes.</p><p></p><p>That is how we learn.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>"People cry not because they are weak.</p><p>It's because they have been strong for too long."</p><p></p><p>I saw that on my FB this morning. You have been through terrible things, Guide Me. You have been taking in not only your daughter's hostility and accusations...but you have accused yourself. You have believed and taken responsibility for things that were never your doing, things you could never, in a million years, have changed.</p><p></p><p>Then, someone taught you that you should beat yourself up for that, for failing to change THEM.</p><p></p><p>Please set an intention of compassion for yourself Guide Me, and of kindness toward yourself.</p><p></p><p>If you cannot do that for yourself yet?</p><p></p><p>Then do it for us.</p><p></p><p>So many of us have been where you are now, Guide Me. We made it through, and you will, too. Sad as this time is? It really is a new day, dawning.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p>[/QUOTE]</p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 640420, member: 17461"] Anticipatory fear...that is part of the dynamic, too. Hold faith that you will be strong enough to handle whatever comes next and let go, if you can. Try to stop thinking about it. When you find these terrible thoughts creeping in, work on letting go, on thinking of nothing at all, until the fear passes. They call this kind of thinking "catastrophizing." Did you know there was a name for the way people who have been traumatized think, when they are confronted with the same traumatizing kinds of people? Though you have been hurt in the past, you are in control of your mind, of where you concentrate your thoughts, today. And we are right here. [/quote] Fear. There is nothing here that you can change Guide Me, but the fear. Remember Winston Churchill? (I think that is who said this. But maybe it was Franklin Roosevelt. Whoever said it? Was exactly, exactly right.) "We have nothing to fear but fear itself." Fear, you can work with. You can feel it. You can lean into it, you can seek it out and sit with it. Fear is not going to hurt you. Being afraid of the fear ~ that is going to hurt you. Let this move be, Guide Me. It is what it is, and they will work it out or they won't. You may be very alone during this time [I]and that's okay.[/I] As you heal? You will realize you have been alone, all of your life. Toxic family dynamics generally do not lend themselves to supporting or strengthening their members. It will not be easy to think about leaving your family behind you? But once you do it, once you begin standing on your own, your world will change. You are strong, and you are strong enough, to do this. I see it in your posts. MWM has given sterling advice about just what to say, how to think, how to survive these interactions with toxic family. This one, this "let me think about it", is the one that will enable you, that will make you strong enough, to carry through on the others and create change. And this is the other. You CAN always change your mind and do something different. You can change your mind ten thousand times. That is your right as a real, live woman who gets to make mistakes. We all get to make mistakes. That is how we learn. "People cry not because they are weak. It's because they have been strong for too long." I saw that on my FB this morning. You have been through terrible things, Guide Me. You have been taking in not only your daughter's hostility and accusations...but you have accused yourself. You have believed and taken responsibility for things that were never your doing, things you could never, in a million years, have changed. Then, someone taught you that you should beat yourself up for that, for failing to change THEM. Please set an intention of compassion for yourself Guide Me, and of kindness toward yourself. If you cannot do that for yourself yet? Then do it for us. So many of us have been where you are now, Guide Me. We made it through, and you will, too. Sad as this time is? It really is a new day, dawning. :O) Cedar [/QUOTE]
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