And it's not so much that I'm busy with everything. It is more the emotional baggage seems to get heaviest this time of year. Ant is being a difficult child to the max. He's got 2 bench warrants now but refuses to turn himself in cuz he's trying to figure out the right days to be in jail. Like he has so much pressing issues in his life??? Oh, but he started texting last night cuz he wants to take husband & I to lunch next weekend. Guess with Christmas getting close he wants to make sure he gets something. I have a lot of anger still over his actions. Steph is doing great. This family (the B's) that she found to live with seems really nice. And they take good care of her. She's doing good, she's clean and sober, she's set to graduate. And if she loses enough weight, she will be joining the Navy after graduation. She spends every Sunday with us and it's wonderful. But, the B's want her to spend Christmas Day with them as a family and they have lots of gifts for her.... and my heart breaks over that. It's a reminder that my Daughter has found another family. So it's happy and sad.... so it's a bittersweet feeling. The happy relaxed Christmas day that has been a tradition with my parents won't happen this year. Normally, my folks come over Christmas day and just relax. We have a nice dinner and then.... nothing. Dad and husband fall asleep on the couch from eating too much. And Mom and I just have a relaxing talk. But this year with Grandma and Grumpus....neither can make it up the stairs at my house, so it has to be at Mom's. Grumpus has on a full-rage Grump right now....it's not going to be good on Christmas day. I know he doesn't like prime rib or anything like that, so I'm planning on making him a cheeseburger which he loves. Grandma is having a colossal fit because that is not what you eat on Christmas day and she will not have him eating that @#$% for Christmas dinner. See why I'm not looking forward to Christmas day. Oh... and let's not forget that the very next day I have an Open House wedding Reception to do. Where, oh lucky me, will get to see family members that don't talk to me. BUT...the hotel has a pool. And if I have to, I will rent a room for the night so that I can take my niece and nephews swimming when those people arrive. Let them do their "Oh aren't we the best" routine without me present. And let's add to this that the company I'm working for, the one that was supposed to give me a 14% raise in August and still hasn't, is switching our pay weeks...so the first payday in Jan will be a one week check instead of a two week check. I basically loss a weeks pay right at christmas time. Oh joy oh joy!! I love Christmas! I love baking goodies for everyone and they really love them too. Already one of husband's Aunts has asked if I was doing it again this year...they look forward to it every year. To me, it's a way of giving people a piece of my heart. Every item I crochet or knit has prayers for the receiver woven into the item. It makes me happy. I don't do it for any other reason then it makes ME happy to do it. I'm just not finding my normal happiness in it this year. Maybe because I still have 3 SILs that have nothing to do with me...one of them refused the quilts I made for her kids. If anyone wants a small quilt for a baby girl....send me a PM. I found homes for the boys quilts. There is no peace between husband and his parents. Don't know if there ever will be. I guess the dysfunction in husband's family is most noticable at this time of the year. The rest of the year you can ignore it. But not now....and I think it's acting like a wet blanket to my Christmas Spirit. I've got my Christmas music going. I've got the DVR packed with Christmas movies that I watch every night. I don't know why I'm so down this year nor do I know how to change it. Oh...and I forgot, because of the way government contract money is working this year, we don't have the money in for January so there is a slight chance of a couple of weeks being laid off in the New Year. And....as I re-read this.... maybe I just answered my question of WHY I'm not so happy this Christmas Season. Any advice on how to find a little bit more Christmas Cheer?