Having trouble holding it together

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by upallnight, Dec 19, 2008.

  1. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    My easy child has been trying to kill himself. He's now in a Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for adolescents. My heart is broken into a million pieces. I can't put on this brave face for another second, but I have to and do. Visiting hours are 1 hour a day, 5 hours round trip for me after work. Thursday morning I was still in the same clothes I had on Tuesday for work. It pains me to see him like this, but it's not about me. The only cards I sent out were to you. I have them all written out, but not labeled. (They're ready to go for next year!) I know he's safe and getting treatment, I don't know what will happen when he comes home. I'm sorry I so depressed I can't move. husband is lashing out in anger at everything, especially me!!! After i finish my coffeee, I'm on my way. Thanks for listening, Alyssa
  2. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    Oh, Alyssa, {{{hugs}}}. I'm so sorry. Is this your 15 year old? Did something else happen besides his suicide attempts so that he has been transferred to a Residential Treatment Center (RTC)? I'm so sorry that your husband is lashing out rather than supporting you and giving you a chance to support him. I hope you can get into some family therapy, or if not, some therapy for you to help as you go through this. If you're getting to the point where you're extremely depressed, please make an appointment to see someone about it. Your health is vital - to you and to your family.
  3. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I am so sorry.
    How long are they looking at holding him? Is he improving at all?
    He can get better, please know this. Lots of us have been there and have gotten better with therapy, possibly medications for short term or longer.
    Support and therapy is vital. Your husband needs to support you, I am so sorry he is not.
    Please take care of your self.
  4. Jena

    Jena New Member

    I'm so sorry and Toto is right, he can get better. I'm sorry your husband isnt' supporting you either, yet these types of things push people to the limits. Be careful on your trips back and forth.

  5. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Oh, wow horrible. I am so sorry. Please take care of yourself. And tell your husband to grow up.
  6. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Alyssa, tell us more. Which boy? What happened to precipitate this?

    Please don't despair. I know, easier said than done. Please tell us more. We have broad shoulders and will listen.

  7. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

  8. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Alyssa, I'm so sorry. Please take care of yourself, and drive carefully. Sending many hugs and prayers to your family.
  9. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    My youngest son is 15. He put a suicide note on his my space page that was a very long mantra and how he wanted to do this for a year, and it's not over anything special- like a "stupid girl". Also about a month ago he put on his my space page a goodbye letter and a friend told the guidance counselor. We picked him up from school and husband thought it best that we just buy him stuff. I knew he needed help, but they were both against anything like that. It's not manly, et.. So Tuesday night someone called my house and started reading this suicide letter to husband who happened to answer the phone. husband just started screaming for easy child and easy child didn't answer and we couldn't find him. I called the police. The end of the letter which we didn't read at the time said he was going to the roof to do it. That's where he was when we found him and he was soaked to the gills. It was freezing rain, like a big cold wet storm and he only had his t shirt. The scariest thing was when I opened up the garage door, thinking I would find something bad. He wouldn't speak to us. He went to the Er and just laid there like a catatonic person. There was nothing in the room but a bed and a tiny light. The next day, he got transferrred to the Residential Treatment Center (RTC). I just got back and I took difficult child, he loves difficult child, they have a good relationship. They just started him today on Prozac. he said that he has a little bit of energy when he first gets it and doesn't just want to lay there, like he does now. by the way he hasn't bathed at all and looks very dirty, greasy and not right. I went to the bathroom and difficult child told me that a girl asked him to drive easy child over her house when they get out. difficult child said he likes it there. Very weird because he doesn't like anything-except the computer and phone which he can't have.

    When I took his phone I read the only text message I had ever read, and it was from a girl. A girl he used to go out with in the summer, She wrote the most vile mean horrific things to him. I'm glad he didn't see it. difficult child told me that she ignores him when he talks to her. I think this was his first girlfriend and I truly think he was hurt and it was over this girl. I'm usually more articulate and make more sense, I have not slept. Thank you so much for letting me spill my guts, my BFF doesn't even know all the details, I can't bare my soul to people I know, like I can to all of you.-Alyssa
  10. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Oh no. I am so very sorry.

    I'm glad he is getting help. Sending strength and prayers to you and him.
  11. Im a Believer

    Im a Believer New Member

    Alyssa ~ I am so sorry - I don'tknow what to say - only that I care ~ Judy
  12. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member


    Okay, I'm going to ask one question. What would happen if you didn't visit every night? Five hours daily seems a bit extreme even for a depressed child in the hospital. If you keep this up much longer, you're going to be in the hospital either from a car accident or just complete exhaustion.
  13. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    I know. Last night I mainly went to bring difficult child, I sort of stayed back and let them talk. husband is a mess and can't/won't go, yet wants me to go. We're both going today at 1:30, however. husband needs me there for some reason, easy child could care less if we come or not. husband hasn't even gone to work since this happened, he's bugging out. Sunday is our family meeting. Monday and Tues.- I'm not going!
  14. goldenguru

    goldenguru Active Member

    ((((hugs)))) -

    I sent my suicidal daughter to a Residential Treatment Center (RTC) when she was 15 years old. I remember the horror and the fear. Try to remember:

    Your son is safe. Your son is safe. Your son is safe.

    My daughter is 20 now - and the nightmare of 5 years ago is over. I am so thankful that I kept her in a facility to keep her safe.

    You will get through this. I did.

    Sometimes the most loving thing we can do for our children is the hardest thing. You have done a really, really hard thing - but no doubt you did so because you love him.

    PM me if you need to - please.
  15. Wishing

    Wishing New Member

    I am so sorry your child and your family are going thru this. I hope he gets well soon. It is very slippery here so be careful.
  16. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    I am sorry I did not see this earlier. Sending many hugs and prayers.

  17. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    I am so very sorry...and also sorry that I didn't see this earlier.
    I believe our son had some difficulties around that age, but didn't tell us about them.
    Then when he turned 17, he was very defiant and depressed. This was after a situation with a GIRL. Be careful with GIRL situations!!!
    I never saw it coming. It may have been because I was preoccupied with difficult child "stuff" or it may have been because I think it is very hard to see these things with boys. I think the symptoms are trickier to spot and they are good at hiding their problems. Also, sometimes when there is a difficult child in the family, siblings might try to at least subconsciously hide any of their own difficulties.
    Well....although I like to try to figure out what happened...it doesn't really matter.
    Your son reached out in his own way and is now getting the help he needs.
    Our son got help and is (knock on wood) doing wonderfully today!!!
    What do the doctors say?
    Does your son object to taking the Prozac?
    Can you ask the Dr. if it is okay if he also takes a B50 tablet and Fish Oil...a drop in the bucket I suppose, but these things really make a huge difference in depression symptoms for me.
    (You can add them on when he gets home).
    Do you think you can adjust your hours for the next month?
    Can you take a little time off from work? Perhaps work a four day week?
    What are the plans for after treatment? Will he go to another facility? Is this long term care? Will he go home? Will he receive regular counseling?
    Easier said than done, but you and your husband will need to get on the same page with reference to all of this.
    There is no blame.
    You are good parents doing your best to help your son feel better and move forward.
    If your husband continues to have anger issues, you might want to consider couples counseling. You guys are going through a lot and surely it will help.
    Please take extra good care of yourself.
    Lasted edited by : Dec 26, 2008
  18. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    {{{Alyssa}}} I'm so sorry, sweetie. I hope he gets better real soon and can come home.
  19. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Thank you for the kind words. He came home on Wednesday! He's now on Prozac, and tonight he has his first therapy appointment. My insurance co. is not there today, he needs to go to a psychiatric. dr as well for the prescription monitering, and I'll ask about the B50 and the fish oil.
  20. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    I just wanted to let you know that I am sorry your family is facing this. I'm holding good thoughts that things will get better in time for you all.