Hawaiian buns

[Andy]

I love Hawaiian buns. They are near impossible to find in my neck of the wood. Usually just before Christmas and Easter are the only time I can get them in town.

I am having an extremely difficult time detaching from easy child lately. I am so terrified of what her future will hold and she will not listen to my advise. She went to the cities this last weekend and was back in town Sunday evening after first heading the wrong way on the freeway coming out of the cities. She started to swear at me when I was trying to get her on the right path so I hung up on her and called husband to ask that he call her to get her unlost. I did a great job detaching and being a peace with her this weekend. So much easier to do when she is actually safe (or atleast I think she is).

On Sunday night, she did not come home by 10:00 so I called to see where she was at. She stated she was at J's but he was not there. I called again at midnight to which she stated she was at A's and may stay the night because she had to be there super early Monday morning. I accused her of lying to me and being at J's. She told me that she is 18 and it is none of my business where she is at. I asked her where the jeep was and she said at J's home. I asked her where the BMW was and she said she didn't know because J had it. His car broke down yesterday and as a pizza delivery person, he needed a vehicle. I told her that our vehicles are in her dad's name and we do not own a free rent-a-car business. (I think she wants to take her jeep this weekend because J has her car!) She has promised her friend N the use of her car when he is home for Christmas. She does not understand insurance issues and what our role will be if her friends were seriously hurt driving one of our vehicles. Needless to say it was an ugly night. I told her that since it is none of my business what she does with her life that she may as well come home and move out. I fell real deep into the terror of what is her life going to be like? Where will she be next Fall? I was way too attached - someone used super glue on me.

Last night she was in by 9:00pm. She showed me the cloths and shoes she got in the cities (her aunt is super generous with the nieces and nephews). Then she gave me something that SHE brought back for ME!!! It was Hawaiian buns!!!!! So, she does think fondly of her mom once in awhile! And knows what I like! I can try the detaching again! (I think?)

 

[goldenguru]

Adrienne -

Do remember that one of the developmental milestones of adolescence is to become detached/differentiated from parents and family. While it is terrifying to watch, what your daughter is doing is healthy to some degree.

I certainly don't think your vehicles should be used for daughter's boyfriend pizza deliveries. No way, no how.

Practice those healthy boundaries. Like any other new skill, it takes lots and lots of practice.

 

[Suz]

And she's a "easy child"? Not with that attitude.

Maybe she needs to have the car keys withdrawn until she respects the family rules on car usage?

I'm glad she brought you the buns, Andy.

Suz

 

[Star*]

Okay I can send you Hawiian buns - they come in the orange and clear wrapper? BOATLOADS of them here which is odd because most people here want the snowflake rolls with dinner.

Great- just when I was through with bread.....

Hugs -
Serious about sending rolls.

 

[mstang67chic]

No real advice her either about *coughcough* easy child but I do like the "take the car keys" idea.

The buns though.....that's another story. Those things are soooooooooooooo good. They are everywhere here too and all year long. They even come in a 4 pack snack pack that I'll pick up every so often. How many do you want? (Also serious.) Oh and it also comes in the big round loafs like people use for that dip stuff.

 

[susiestar]

I am sorry you are having a hard time while thinking of her future. I DO think she needs to have the car keys taken, esp if she is loaning out your cars with-o asking you.

If her friend is using the car to deliver pizza it just may cancel out your insurance if he gets into an accident. I used to be a delivery driver and had to have special insurance - the company had to know I was using the car for work and it cost extra. I don't remember it being cheap either. And I was in college with a CLEAN driving record for 3 years at the time.

I also know that right now my insurance will cover OCCASIONAL loan of the car by a primary driver. But if a non-primary driver loans the car to anyone then it isn't covered. We found that out when asking questions about my bro. He isn't great with other people's cars and spoke at one point about borrowing ours for "a while". We KNEW he would end up loaning it to a "buddy" or his ex for some reason and we wanted to know what teh insurance would and would not cover. It would cover us loaning the car for a few hours, or a day. But not several days, and if we loaned it to him and he loaned it to someone, then it wasn't covered at all. Also, if Wiz lived with us then he had to be added as a "nonprimary" driver, but since he doesn't he can borrow the car once in a while (AS IF! - My parents and husband andI have agreed that Wiz cannot borrow our cars, a moot point right now as he doesn't have a license or permit, but we still checked on it.)

Be SURE you check with your insurance to ahve them clarify what wouldhappen if daughter loaned out the car and something happened. You don't want to get caught in some major problem.

I would take her keys for a while, and if she fusses, well, keep them longer. Her friends can return all her favors and take her to school or she can ride the bus. It would be the natural and logical consequences for all her "generosity" with your very expensive machines. And your liability with her letting other teens use your cars.

 

[Andy]

Thank you all!

I will ask husband to look into the details of insurance coverage. She got the car back tonight but plans to loan it to a friend who will be in town for Christmas! I am going to let husband deal with this - the vehicles are in his name. We should have put the car in storage!

And thank you all for the offers to send buns. I think I want to keep them as special treats so will stay satisfied with getting them Christmas and Easter. I think I can also get them in the cities (3 - 4 hrs away) if I really wanted to go out of my way to look. But, if I get desperate and go in bun withdrawal, I will call on you.

Oh, and I do think easy child is really a difficult child in many areas.

You guys are so wonderful!

 

[mstang67chic]

I can understand about keeping the buns as a special treat. But...you know........if you just HAPPENED to slip me your address...I am forgetful. It would be awhile before I remembered I had it and could slip you a snack pack here and there. You know....like a surprise pack every 4 or 5 months.

 

[Andy]

You are great!

You all are so cool. Maybe you can each slip a package in a food shelf collection and lots of people can enjoy them?

 

[totoro]

Oh man... now I am gonna crave Hawaiian buns...
When I first read your post title I thought of some tan guy on a beach wearing a thong with nice *buns*!!!
I thought Andy has really lost her mind...

Maybe a wee bit difficult child, your easy child?
Have you read "Reviving Ophelia" It is about young woman growing up and finding themselves. difficult child or not, and how it turns them all into G'sFG. Very good book, for young and old!

 

[Andy]

Oh Totoro!

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Yeah, Toto, me too.

I was in Hawaii a couple years ago.
Some of them surfer dudes had some nice looking buns.