I guess his dad emailed him last night and asked him to call. And he did, from his girlfriend's phone. We talked for a while. I tried not to lecture him. He kept repeating "I am staying at *university* because it's what's best for my education." I have to chuckle at the implication that we don't want what's best for his education. At one point I even said said as much. (the funny thing is that the sentence doesn't remotely sound like him. I am pretty sure it is coming from his girlfriend's mouth or her parents. Whole other story) He was not argumentative, just mellow, quiet almost monotone. Couldn't read him over the phone. Maybe he was stoned or exhausted or hungover? Probably #1 and/or #3. I was able to make the points that I could not in the heated discussion on Monday evening. That we DID compromise. (7 times as a matter of fact.) But that we couldn't continue to allow him to go to *university* knowing that he planned to smoke (A LOT or sell) weed. That even though it's legal in some states, it's illegal in ours and it's a felony if over a certain amount. And that legal doesn't mean safe. And I gave him examples of legal substances that are often misused and abused - alcohol and rx drugs. That we asked him to stay home because we couldn't support his decision to return to school after all the lies he told while knowing he planned to party in his new apartment. He did say that he won't be partying -and that while he won't stay home and study all the time - he will go out on the weekends but he won't be partying all the time. Whatever that means. Basically I think he told me what I wanted to hear which I appreciate but am not putting any stock in it. He met with the dean (whom I emailed earlier in the week) and has a plan to get student loans and a job. He meets with the financial aid office tomorrow. I am mentally bracing for him asking for our financial information so he can fill out the FAFSA. We won't give it to him regardless of the fact that he needs it to apply for most loans. I am hoping he is too proud to ask us for it. I reminded him that the repayment will be steep and that it doesn't have to be this way. He claims he needs to do it himself and that he knows he will do well this year (because he is doing it for himself). I responded that we know he is smart and he may think that doing well in school will prove us wrong - but nothing could make us happier. And I reminded him that a big part of our hesitation was that he did so poorly last year. Of course he claims he won't door poorly this year as if we were the cause of his poor performance. I reiterated that we believe in him and his abilities which is why we sent him to *university* in the first place. I wasn't argumentative, just trying to be supportive while making the point that we aren't the villains here. I also told him that he could call us anytime. That if anything happened; he should call us first. That we love him and we always will. That it doesn't need to be this way. That our family ISN'T dysfunctional (which he told us on Monday), we just can't support his decision to use drugs while at school! And that if he did really well in his classes, we could reopen the tuition discussion next year. I asked him if he would like his phone (which he left on our doorstep) back he said yes and I will send it tomorrow. Resisted the urge to throw some fast food gift cards in there. While I assume he will get (or has all ready) his own mobile account, I have to pay out the contract on this phone Anyway, I like the vague idea that I *could* get a hold of him if necessary and vice versa. Lots of I love you's, which he said as well. Feeling hopeful which I needed. Time will tell. Hopeful but will do my best not to let my guard down. I know he said what he knows I want to hear. I know he is not realizing how hard the road will be and that while he is flush now, it will get tougher as the year goes buy. I am just glad the door (between us) is ajar.